I remember memories that replay yesterday and wonder why
I remember memories that sway back and forth today and sigh
I remember memories that delay like deja vu arrayed in the future reapplied
I remember memories of mistakes and failures made causing pain I’d rather hide
I remember memories held at bay I’d rather not say went awry
I remember memories once afraid no longer make me prey in the night
I remember memories laid bare so much stronger that I pray won’t be how I die
I remember memories of hell’s visit down the broadway with sin’s choice for entrance prefaced I’d preferably decide to contrive and be deprived
I remember memories like shade in the hottest summer to evade under a tree think twice about while I reside with the littlest faith arise
I remember memories where I strayed until found by the ONE I betrayed now unto will abide with hope to enter HIS arms in Heaven arrive
I remember memories of fear weighed heavily upon this casualty of war that love conveyed in order for it to disappear and heal me inside
I remember memories that slay my pride to display the humility I now allow to guide
I remember memories that give way to HIS grace now to follow as I soar above the storm on the heights by HIS Spirit not by might
I remember memories that trade my punishment with HIS mercy instead that covers me always new every morning to find supplied as I remain contrite
I remember memories that pervade of HIS compassion embraced that erased the oppression and loneliness while it trained me to comfort others with a depth of understanding comprised
I remember memories where HIS truth sustained and prayers uplifted with thanks maintained a peace that surpassed all understanding guarding my heart and mind in JESUS Christ
I remember memories spent alone with HIM that I can now say will remain as I’ve been taught HIS Word to obey where I’ve been tried as gold refined, where I’ve been aligned to HIS will defined, and where I’ve dined with HIM to always remind me I’m HIS and HE is mine for all time…
Faith in HIM represent
Mind renew always with wisdom eloquent
Thankful YOURS known to intersect for minds to reprove of heaven's advice lent
Riveting amount is opulent
Letting one see what is transcendent
Toward the shore for new life that is imminent
Hope is what is sent
Soul restore always defend
Make YOURS shown to resurrect for souls redo to win who arise again
Giving out encouragement
Getting to dream of what is meant
For more of a future that is relevant
Love every moment
Heart revive always open
Take YOURS alone to reflect for hearts to remove fear within comprise to mend
Living fount covenant
Setting free awoken
Pour forth the Word to be spoken
Grace, mercy, and compassion evident
Spirit refresh always with peace mitigant
Break through with YOURS sown to reconnect for spirits that regrew like butterflies ascend
Pivoting stout when repent
Forgetting past things that were arrogant
Soar North above the storms resilient
Onward becoming who you’re meant to be rather than retreating or worse yet leaving
Onward knowing HE lives at the right hand of GOD with scars for you interceding
Onward heeding HIS voice of encouraging to continue enduring and persevering even if for now it’s just breathing
On HIM always lean…
~
Press on rather than regress despite feeling depressed
Pass the test to go on beyond the trials and tribulations that oppress
Continue with faith in the SON for making progress
Continue to hope in HIM to find rest
Continue in HIS love which is greatest and will work out what is best
Choose life and blessing over death and cursing that HE died to give you as your inspiring and motivating quest
Draw near to HIM and HE will draw nearer sincerest as you pour out your heart to HIM in confidence rather than those feelings just suppress
Reassess life as a maturing process, mess of sin with guilt and shame confess to find forgiveness, and then will profess HIS evidence realized further along life’s journey of HIS faithfulness
Focus is more when there is less…
~
Less to not weigh you down in fear replaced by HIS love held dear
Less worry in your heart found in HIM who makes it disappear
Less weary chasing after empty success that falls aground like tears
Less willful of your own plans that fail here
Less want of the world’s lust wandering into sin that causes pain and torment so severe
Less wasting away in your illness with HIS acceptance of all that you are by caring for yourself to improve mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health adhere
Less wavering in unbelief by simply believing HE will turn your life around with HIS patience and gentleness steer
Less wondering about what ifs of the past that HE uses in your future to help others made more clear
Less while HE becomes more to you during your extended years
~
More faith in HIS truth so you’re no longer unruly that will no longer duly offend
More hope and trust in HIS ways you can truly depend on now that you’re newly opened
More love in HIS life abiding to be a light shining in darkness to give freely and often
More mercy from HIS healing throne of Heaven that is new every morning sent
More compassion from HIS heart to listen to others vent -even from suicide may prevent
More grace from HIS hand to lead and guide you along righteous paths that will leave no regret in retrospect
More of HIS Spirit welcoming within who will comfort you with HIS Presence, counsel you with HIS wisdom, and care for your well-being with moans expressed according to GOD’s will for your life when words of prayer fail to connect
More delighting in HIM to be given the desires of your heart meant to mend your dreams again made relevant where nightmares can’t circumvent
More freedom will come after suffering through a set timeframe where to live is Christ and to die is gain that is effective when wait on GOD’s timing and not your own as you wait to resurrect into HIS arms as Heaven’s resident
~
Wait on HIM for new strength returning to soar above the storms on eagle’s wings freeing
Wait on HIM for renewing your mind with truth until having soundness of peace releasing
Wait on HIM for reviving your heart recreating within purity and right desires brought back into the land of the living reconvening
Wait on HIM for rescue unto redemption forthcoming that will restore your soul and implore within you vision, purpose, and meaning that’s increasing
Wait on HIM for refilling your cup to overflowing until refreshing your spirit into HIS will agreeing and being a doer of HIS Word unleashing
Wait on HIM watching as HE wins every battle in your war raging against the enemy who attempts at deceiving
Wait on HIM to direct your steps through open doors revealing
Wait on HIM for HIS promises open handed toward until receiving
Wait on HIM for complete healing that makes you whole whether here on earth or there in Heaven as the great reward for continually believing
YOU don’t want only our sorrow a fraction to drain
Just the depths of our marrow in action to walk the extra mile unrestrained
Present for those low in despair until on their feet with traction by HIS love unfeigned
YOU want followers to follow with attraction in the fruit of the Spirit trained
For souls hollow to be made whole in satisfaction by the Savior who saves attain
Today and for every
Tomorrow
HE will fill us up to overflow
Know HIS will and go
Fulfill HIS command to show
Faith, hope, and love to grow
YOUR promises kept more than rainbows
More than we can think, ask, or imagine YOU chose
Beyond the death, burial, and resurrection after YOU arose
To sit at the right hand of the FATHER as our High Priest interceding in our throes
Until YOUR grace, mercy, and compassion is known with freedom above our lows
Giving us a testimony of YOUR faithfulness and victory with seed given as a sower sows
Seasoned as salt YOU are better to taste and see YOUR goodness in perfect dose
Reflection of Light YOU shine into and through the darkness with our eyes YOUR Spirit glows
New life is given by YOU and YOUR rest provides peace surpassing understanding in repose
We will continue to press on to endure and persevere passing on through deaths shadows
We will learn to wait upon HIM for renewed strength to soar on wings like eagles above our foes
Until we are able to run and not grow weary to walk and not faint when once were solo so low, but now no longer alone or hollow we’ll press on to follow our Hero who helps us through our woes…
HIS Words lead to the ONE who guides and forgives to find salvation
HIS Words plead for you to know new life to give -remind of its translation, designed for a firm foundation, and aligned for a pure relation
HIS Words indeed are truth, abide to live, bind to your heart elation
HIS Words last forever as eternal insight into JESUS
HIS Words cast purpose and vision needed to trust
HIS Words forecast service and provision heeded a must
HIS Words spoken bring about faith to the hearer when listened
HIS Words open to bring about hope to be clearer in acquisition
HIS Words chosen bring about love to be nearer come into fruition, with addition for the Great Commission
HIS Words acclimated are driven within by the Spirit into all Truth to be known, to be grown, and to be shown no longer wander prone
HIS Words activated are given into oneself meaning, healing, and revealing from HIM as the Way, the Truth, and the Life sown no longer falter alone
HIS Words are forever eternal… for YOU have exalted YOUR Word above all YOUR Name Psalm 138:2
Isaiah 55
Invitation to the Thirsty
55 “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. 2 Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare. 3 Give ear and come to me; listen, that you may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David. 4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples, a ruler and commander of the peoples. 5 Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations you do not know will come running to you, because of the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor.”
6 Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. 7 Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. 12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. 13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.”
My mind agonizing in the darkness for some peace to find
Anyway, I reached out blindly with my heart for hope
My eyes straining in the darkness for some light to appear
Anyway, I longed deeply with my soul for love
My emotions drowning in the darkness for someone to lift me up
Anyway, I pleaded insistently with my spirit for mercy
My past caving in, my present wearing thin, my future dimmed and ending?
Anyway, I continued breathing, I kept going, I continued living, I kept breaking
My entire life leading up to a tragedy?I can’t believe all this! -yet me is still alive now in a nightmare?
Anyway, I am shocked that my mortality is bared open in the frozen harsh elements where only demons jaunt and my enemy ready to pounce
My equilibrium is off to never never land and I don’t understand anything going on
Anyway, this can’t be happening cascading into fear, fading fast disappear? Awaiting at death’s door panicking here
My reality disintegrating after starving myself, attempting suicide, found myself in psychosis with no longer self-control, just a failure, just a waste, just a stumbling shell of what I once was
Anyway, HE showed me mercy, extended to me grace, cared for me with compassion to grow in faith, hope, and love when crawling learning to stand, when staggering yearning to walk, when tripping returning to run, when fainting burning to soar
My life was given back to me that I didn’t deserve and I couldn’t ever earn this gift
Anyway, I now carry on with how HE rescued, restored, and redeemed me…
I once was down, down so low, in a pit solo
But I have to share how I’m not there in that dreadful place anymore and no longer left alone…
If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional
for meds to help support you
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again
and better manage your precious life
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!... Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.;
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.
To shareone’sdeepest or mostintimateemotions,thoughts, or secrets,especially in a profuse or suddenmanner.
expressyourdeepestfeelings or thoughts in a fullandunrestrainedway.
Our Need
With being human, we all need an outlet to release our thoughts and emotions in a constructive manner that will ultimately benefit us with sharing such things with someone rather than keeping it all within – “bottled up” per say.
A bad attitude toward life may be due to holding within bitterness toward a person who has wronged us or toward difficult life event/s without ever dealing with the thoughts and emotions that accompany it.
Depression personally may be due to holding within anger toward self, anger and grief about missed opportunities, or anger and grief about difficult life circumstances (including loss of a loved one) that have happened over time.
Ways of Expression for Sweet Release
My favorite way to pour out my heart is through writing poetry and sharing my hurts, disappointments, difficulties, and sadness with GOD HIMSELF in learning to trust HIM to use hardships, trials, and tribulations to build within me faith and strong character. I allow HIM to mold me into a better person through it all.
If I kept everything in without talking about it and dealing with it, I would go back into deep depression that I experienced as a youth. I once kept everything in. I didn’t talk. I was a loner for the most part, with only a few friends. All my thoughts and emotions were locked away. What I experienced because of this was anger inside, anger at life, mistrust of people, and really being a hateful person. It was a detriment to me personally. What if I had someone to talk to about what I dealt with instead of going it alone. I didn’t have a relationship with GOD, at the time, who would have listened to me and helped me had I known I could turn to HIM for HIS care and support. Life is difficult enough without having to also deal with unresolved and negative thoughts and emotions weighing heavily on the mind, heart, soul, and spirit.
A river needs to have an outlet to move along in forward motion as rains fill it to overflowing. A river whose outlet is the ocean finds release from the pressure that otherwise builds up as in the case if a dam was built to contain it.
Our minds need an outlet for our thoughts, our hearts need to have an outlet for our emotions to move along forward in this life, our souls need to have an outlet to share hopes and dreams, and our spirit needs an outlet to connect to JESUS and our future in eternity…
If we don’t have an outlet, then negativity backs up, builds up pressure, causes one to erupt at some point with damaging consequences that may include suicidal thoughts and/or suicide attempts as an extreme measure seemingly forced into. It simply becomes too much to handle and the stress is now too overwhelming.
Who To Turn To
If you have a close friend to talk to about anything and everything, consider yourself blessed to have that special someone in your life. Not everyone has that.
Going to a counselor to help sort through life’s baggage that may include depression, mental illness, suicidal ideation, abuse, and/or trauma can bring breakthroughs in your life as you face these giants head on and learn to overcome and heal from the hurts you’ve experienced. It takes time, sometimes a very long time to see results.
I have my wife who is my helpmate for sure and can listen to a certain extent. Yet, I don’t have that one guy in my life that I can talk with, be accountable to, and share my burdens I experience through life.
If you’re like me and need someone other than your spouse or a counselor, then GOD is the relationship you are to establish that can change everything in a positive direction…
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6
JESUS is the Wonderful Counselor who fills that deep seated need for support and encouragement we all need…
JESUS is Mighty GOD who fills the role of Protector and a Defense against our enemies…
JESUS is Everlasting FATHER who fills the role giving us the love and provision we need…
JESUS is Prince of Peace who fills the role of giving HIS peace within us to deal with anything that comes our way…
Pour Out Your Heart to GOD
Pouring out your heart to GOD is the single most beneficial thing you can do in your life. He listens and understands. JESUS, when HE came to earth as one of us (human too), experienced every type of temptation, stress, emotions, and thoughts yet was without sin. After HE died on the cross to satisfy GOD’s wrath, overcome death, deal with our enemies including satan, and to deal with and forgive our sin, HE became our High Priest who understands our weaknesses, daily bears our burdens, and prays for us. HE knows and understands us more than anyone else can.
Pouring out your heart to GOD = extreme closeness to the heart of GOD
David, a shepherd boy, who later became the king of GOD’s people is known as a man after GOD’s own heart. Do you know why he was a man after GOD’s own heart. David turned to GOD whenever he was dealing with life’s ups and downs and poured out his heart to HIM. He wasn’t perfect and sinned in terrible ways. So why then was he still a man after GOD’s own heart. He made many mistakes, yet he turned to GOD quickly and asked for forgiveness and desired the relationship to be restored. When good happened in his life, he turned to GOD and gave HIM thanks. David is the author of many of the Psalms in the Bible. If you want examples of pouring out your heart to GOD, you can read through the Psalms which are heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts that were burdensome to bear and deeply troubling to heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts expressing gratitude.
I highly recommend getting a spiral notebook or other journal and begin the process of pouring out your heart of all its emotions and thoughts, hopes and dreams, failures and successes, and deepest needs expressed to GOD and you will be radically changed for the better by doing so… Share your thoughts with HIM, cast your cares and anxieties onto HIM from your heart, bare your soul to HIM, and send up flares from your spirit unto HIM… As you do so over time, things will begin to transform within you through development of your seeking relationship with your Creator who knows all things, knows you, knows what you need and yet wants you to just talk to HIM…
Pouring out your heart to GOD is a way of delighting in HIM… There is a wonderful promise to receive when we do this…
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
As I have delighted in the LORD, HE has given me some desires of my heart already:
* a wife
* children
* inspiration to write (mostly poetry)
* deliverance from fears and anxieties and being suicidal
* help and support with my mental illness (more of a sound mind and peace within)
* an orphan ministry
* ability to serve with children as one of my passions
* a heart of compassion with ability to show mercy with cheerfulness and to encourage others
* desire to be a pastor
Psalm 62:5-8
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. 6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 7 My salvation and my honor depend on God[a]; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. 8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Then to have faith’s security, hope’s clarity, and love’s sincerity that increases
Thankful for HIS mercy…
Once so trapped in the deepest pit
Then to have the fortitude to never quit
Thankful for HIS compassion…
Once so alone in shock doubting and questioning all of reality in total darkness
Then to be brought near to HIM contrite into the Light rescued so my mind works with new ability and noble sparked interests
Thankful for HIS giving me faith…
Once so wavering in turmoil thought I’d been tossed out to sea with Heaven now closed
Then to be set free with destination in fact now open forevermore so my soul alert to HIS faithfulness knows
Thankful for HIS giving me hope…
Once so fearful, empty, selfish, and filled with self-hatred
Then to be at peace, fully restored, reaching out, and overflowing fulfillment so my hearts desires come true of its longing created for, awaited for, and elated for the sacred
Thankful for HIS giving me love…
Once so weak sinking beneath the pressure and stress anxiously in agony left to my malady of bankruptcy almost a tragedy
Then in renewed strength rising above accepting my spirit beyond measure to profess consciously in cadency my testimony of amnesty about HIS remedy
Thankful for HIS giving HIS Spirit reuniting mine…
until the devil meets his match that GOD our FATHER strikes its end… set aflame, far from us expulsion disbanded -no longer with fiery darts targeting at our hearts aim
our faith he can’t catch; crush his head then fallen into lake of fire send… let tame his evil compulsion stranded -no longer with tiring accusations marketing at our minds blame
Because we live on and on…
set free he can’t snatch; secure in the Savior’s care and the FATHER’s strongest hands tend… debt/shame gone as peace and grace rush in granted -no longer with firing arrows darkening to our souls maim
beyond the grave deep within is Heaven attached; await a future hope prepared above where we fully mend… met mercy anew every morning propulsion open handed -made stronger desiring eternity harkening to our spirits claim
When you’re ready, you will trust in GOD again… you have that choice, you own that decision only you can make, you have the will to empower trust in HIM whenever you want to practice it…
Trust is a heart and soul thing that grows after you set your mind to begin the endeavor again… You can learn to trust in HIM with moments (like your move to a new place) and choose to trust HIM for healing (like your lifelong journey through trauma/abuse to triumph/astounding) whenever you want… When you fall back to not trusting, from that low point and helpless perspective; you can once again look up in trust to your Heavenly FATHER who gives good gifts and wants to love and care for you… You may choose to trust in moments or a daily decision through prayer (prayer is turning to HIM in trust) and pouring out your heart (through talking to HIM out loud, quietly inside, or writing it out)…
You’re loved and cared for not matter what… You’ll get to know/relearn HIS love and care as you decide to trust when you choose to… I am proud of you when you choose to reach out to those weak in need of love and care… In your weakness, JESUS is strong… Being there for them in being who you are matters and is doing good despite what you may feel or think about yourself… You are showing faith in action; doing GOD’s will in doing HIS Word:
Psalm 41 1 Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the Lord delivers them in times of trouble. 2 The Lord protects and preserves them— they are counted among the blessed in the land— he does not give them over to the desire of their foes. 3 The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.
verse 1 “regard for the weak”; for me the orphans, for you may be anyone weak you reach out to (orphans, special needs children/adults, homeless, abused and neglected souls, widows/widowers, or elderly)
Focus on these Words above and let it become one of your life verses/life mantra…
These verses helped me hang on, believe and trust, and reach out and one day HE answered these promises in my own life… These awesome Words came true through HIM and through me, for me, and in me… I still cannot fathom the turn-around in my life because of JESUS the Living and active Word bringing this about and GOD the FATHER’s mercy and compassion for me…
Look carefully and choose to believe and trust for these to be your benefits as well:
1) delivers them in times of trouble
2) protects and preserves them / does not give them over to the desire of their foes (who want to steal, kill, or destroy; suicide)
3) restores them from their bed of illness (physically or emotionally or mentally or socially or spiritually; for me all 5)
If HE did it for me; I know HE will do it for you… Why? because HE is true to HIS Word and desires to be faithful in a person’s life
When? in HIS timing; so difficult to wait I know (took years for me) maybe for you quicker than my experience
How? in small and grand ways along the journey; sometimes miraculously
Who? you (for you do have regard for the weak)
Where? inside you
I know I went through what I went through to be a help/support to others weaker… This is ultimately the outcome from what I didn’t think was fair, what I didn’t understand, why I was abandoned, why I was often alone in my trauma and not knowing why GOD wasn’t there bringing me through like I knew HE could; why it wasn’t right a way – yet waited for me to learn mercy and compassion at the core of who I am now… HE took me through the depths of darkness to reach out to anybody now with profound faith, hope, and love… with confidence in HIM and who HE is and what I now know HE can/will do…
Much of my trauma was self-inflicted (so full of guilt and shame) from turning away from GOD in rebellious youthful sin and desires being as lost as one can be. Yet I turned to HIM and HE still answered me… me? why me? why HE didn’t abandon me further? why did HE not leave me in my sin? HIS love is greater than anyone can know or fathom… Now I live to show HIS love I know and continue to attempt to fathom… If I didn’t learn through painful depths to know HIS love, mercy, and compassion; then how would I know HIM as HE is and learn that I could reach those who may be in need… HE will choose and use the weak and unlearned to profound the strong and wise… There is so much darkness and cruelty in this world. HE takes some of us through trauma and darkness so we can be a light that shines in it as HE rescues precious children, men, and women that need HIM… sometimes to reveal what HIS love is through us… We choose to pray for and be there present and intercede for them because we know… we understand… we will stand for them… we will choose to love… we will choose purity… we will love purely… Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see GOD (Matthew 5:8)…
You’re not a failure… You’re more than a conqueror through HIM who gives you strength… When you are weak come to HIM for rest… When you can’t do it anymore, wait on HIM for renewed strength… HE is faithful to HIS Word even when we are not…
Oh and let’s look at Psalm 41 vs. 4
I said, “Have mercy on me, Lord; heal me, for I have sinned against you.”
What if we have sinned in some way!! Well I asked the LORD for mercy and to heal me of course… And so, HE healed me… me… and you?… you too!!!…
Ok! So you just got the wave from HIS ocean that was building within me to reach the shore of those needing mercy that will also be a blog post for my website that I have been wanting to write on Psalm 41 for a long, long while… I wrote this for you for sure; yet it is also for anyone else needing encouragement as well…
Suicide Not God's Heart 