Memories

I remember memories that replay yesterday and wonder why

I remember memories that sway back and forth today and sigh

I remember memories that delay like deja vu arrayed in the future reapplied

I remember memories of mistakes and failures made causing pain I’d rather hide

I remember memories held at bay I’d rather not say went awry

I remember memories once afraid no longer make me prey in the night

I remember memories laid bare so much stronger that I pray won’t be how I die

I remember memories of hell’s visit down the broadway with sin’s choice for entrance prefaced I’d preferably decide to contrive and be deprived

I remember memories like shade in the hottest summer to evade under a tree think twice about while I reside with the littlest faith arise

I remember memories where I strayed until found by the ONE I betrayed now unto will abide with hope to enter HIS arms in Heaven arrive

I remember memories of fear weighed heavily upon this casualty of war that love conveyed in order for it to disappear and heal me inside

I remember memories that slay my pride to display the humility I now allow to guide

I remember memories that give way to HIS grace now to follow as I soar above the storm on the heights by HIS Spirit not by might

I remember memories that trade my punishment with HIS mercy instead that covers me always new every morning to find supplied as I remain contrite

I remember memories that pervade of HIS compassion embraced that erased the oppression and loneliness while it trained me to comfort others with a depth of understanding comprised

I remember memories where HIS truth sustained and prayers uplifted with thanks maintained a peace that surpassed all understanding guarding my heart and mind in JESUS Christ

I remember memories spent alone with HIM that I can now say will remain as I’ve been taught HIS Word to obey where I’ve been tried as gold refined, where I’ve been aligned to HIS will defined, and where I’ve dined with HIM to always remind me I’m HIS and HE is mine for all time…

Evident for Every Moment Sent to Represent

Faith in HIM represent
Mind renew always with wisdom eloquent
Thankful YOURS known to intersect for minds to reprove of heaven's advice lent
Riveting amount is opulent
Letting one see what is transcendent
Toward the shore for new life that is imminent

Hope is what is sent
Soul restore always defend
Make YOURS shown to resurrect for souls redo to win who arise again
Giving out encouragement
Getting to dream of what is meant
For more of a future that is relevant

Love every moment
Heart revive always open
Take YOURS alone to reflect for hearts to remove fear within comprise to mend
Living fount covenant
Setting free awoken
Pour forth the Word to be spoken

Grace, mercy, and compassion evident
Spirit refresh always with peace mitigant
Break through with YOURS sown to reconnect for spirits that regrew like butterflies ascend
Pivoting stout when repent
Forgetting past things that were arrogant
Soar North above the storms resilient

Broken Dream Until Mended Reality

There is grace for every broken dream

Onward walk to continue being

Onward unseen until mended reality seeing

Onward forward steps keep repeating

Onward go on for you’re worth your heart beating

Onward becoming who you’re meant to be rather than retreating or worse yet leaving

Onward knowing HE lives at the right hand of GOD with scars for you interceding

Onward heeding HIS voice of encouraging to continue enduring and persevering even if for now it’s just breathing

On HIM always lean…

~

Press on rather than regress despite feeling depressed

Pass the test to go on beyond the trials and tribulations that oppress

Continue with faith in the SON for making progress

Continue to hope in HIM to find rest

Continue in HIS love which is greatest and will work out what is best

Choose life and blessing over death and cursing that HE died to give you as your inspiring and motivating quest

Draw near to HIM and HE will draw nearer sincerest as you pour out your heart to HIM in confidence rather than those feelings just suppress

Reassess life as a maturing process, mess of sin with guilt and shame confess to find forgiveness, and then will profess HIS evidence realized further along life’s journey of HIS faithfulness

Focus is more when there is less…

~

Less to not weigh you down in fear replaced by HIS love held dear

Less worry in your heart found in HIM who makes it disappear

Less weary chasing after empty success that falls aground like tears

Less willful of your own plans that fail here

Less want of the world’s lust wandering into sin that causes pain and torment so severe

Less wasting away in your illness with HIS acceptance of all that you are by caring for yourself to improve mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health adhere

Less wavering in unbelief by simply believing HE will turn your life around with HIS patience and gentleness steer

Less wondering about what ifs of the past that HE uses in your future to help others made more clear

Less while HE becomes more to you during your extended years

~

More faith in HIS truth so you’re no longer unruly that will no longer duly offend

More hope and trust in HIS ways you can truly depend on now that you’re newly opened

More love in HIS life abiding to be a light shining in darkness to give freely and often

More mercy from HIS healing throne of Heaven that is new every morning sent

More compassion from HIS heart to listen to others vent -even from suicide may prevent

More grace from HIS hand to lead and guide you along righteous paths that will leave no regret in retrospect

More of HIS Spirit welcoming within who will comfort you with HIS Presence, counsel you with HIS wisdom, and care for your well-being with moans expressed according to GOD’s will for your life when words of prayer fail to connect

More delighting in HIM to be given the desires of your heart meant to mend your dreams again made relevant where nightmares can’t circumvent

More freedom will come after suffering through a set timeframe where to live is Christ and to die is gain that is effective when wait on GOD’s timing and not your own as you wait to resurrect into HIS arms as Heaven’s resident

~

Wait on HIM for new strength returning to soar above the storms on eagle’s wings freeing

Wait on HIM for renewing your mind with truth until having soundness of peace releasing

Wait on HIM for reviving your heart recreating within purity and right desires brought back into the land of the living reconvening

Wait on HIM for rescue unto redemption forthcoming that will restore your soul and implore within you vision, purpose, and meaning that’s increasing

Wait on HIM for refilling your cup to overflowing until refreshing your spirit into HIS will agreeing and being a doer of HIS Word unleashing

Wait on HIM watching as HE wins every battle in your war raging against the enemy who attempts at deceiving

Wait on HIM to direct your steps through open doors revealing

Wait on HIM for HIS promises open handed toward until receiving

Wait on HIM for complete healing that makes you whole whether here on earth or there in Heaven as the great reward for continually believing

Continuing to Breathe

Could have been me

Easily

No longer breathe

A tragedy

That fateful day

After astray

Suicide attempt betray

Fallen away?

 

Come up for air

Aware of sun’s glare

Empty

Deaths door no more dare

Stare with fear beyond repair

Eerily 

Get up and walk again

What happened

Accursed me 

Lost and afraid wide open

Cost only delayed beside broken

Eternally?

 

Many years fought fear aplenty

Desperately

Remain to breathe

A fallacy?

3 times denied enter confined in hospital of psychiatry

Repeated malady

Shown again and again and again mercy

Restored faithfully

 

Walk by faith this 4th time trusting in continuing

Beyond my dignity

Lay down my life to fully losing it resurfacing

Found life resurrecting

Keep the faith in HIS truth liberating

Beyond understanding

Await the day set free releasing

Love overcomes fear ceasing

 

Now help with burdens to bear

For all the suicidal and mentally ill care

Resiliency

Persevere to share

That faith, hope, and love will always be there

As a remedy

Awaited on HIM for new strength again

In HIS time the mind, heart, soul, and spirit mend

Redeeming

Words inspired by HIS life given

Driven by HIS love with purpose and vision

Into eternity…

For Starters

What to think for starters

Live life like martyrs

At first it may seem harder

So let GOD part the water farther

Walk on across fears border

Until you reach HIM as the rewarder

Then offer self daily

Faith driven embracing

Hope given for lives raising

Give love unfailing

Begin the trail blazing

Find HIS grace amazing

Discover purpose to die for

With service apply toward

Eyes with vision more

Mind with wisdom implore

Heart with mission adore

Soul with decisions restore

Spirit with precision soar

Each day mercy is new

So a start over is true

Every storm pass through

More thankful for skies blue

Look to realize how you grew

Love one another as HIS disciple prove

May die many deaths

Take in and out plenty breaths

Forgiven East to West

Looking Heavenward is best

Choose purity to be blessed

Faith filled to pass each test

Come to HIM in need of rest

Rely on HIM when stressed

Failures when fallen confessed

Cleansed from all unrighteousness

Become more when become less

Into the Great Commission invest

Join the few to welcome in the harvest

These 3

There is faith transcending

There is hope befriending

There is love unrelenting 

So these 3 remain never ending

 

There is grace tending

There is mercy defending

There is compassion mending

So these 3 HE’s ever sending

 

There’s HIS stripes healing

There’s HIS crown of thorns taking the shame revealing

There’s HIS cross to lay down HIS life re-appealing

So these 3 for us stand against the enemy shielding

 

There’s HIS blood outpouring, forgiving, covering

There’s HIS Living Water restoring for a new beginning; recovering

There’s HIS Spirit for soaring, getting help with living; hovering

So these 3 HE gives toward wondering and focus above for inner restructuring

 

There’s more than we can ask for provision when HE listens toward Salvation’s decisions until arisen

There’s more than we can think to envision others forgiven and setting those free from prisons until unhidden

There’s more than we can imagine for a greater mission driven storing up treasure in Heaven as  true pure wisdom

So these 3 HE gives to fulfill the Great Commission

 

There’s our mind to renew HIS will to find

There’s our heart to be made pure HIS face to remind

There’s our soul to be restored in HIS Vine abide

So these 3 HE offers to realign reflecting HIS Light continually shine

 

There’s HIS Spirit HE gives to find counsel that won’t cease

There’s HIS Spirit HE gives to find inner peace

There’s HIS Spirit HE gives to find truth that will increase

So these 3 are evidence from that which HE seals within us as a deposit guaranteeing our entrance into Heaven upon release

Life

Life seems to have passed you by

Only good memories faded

Even ones that left you elated

Why the bad memories here today yet outdated

Falling from mind to heart deflated 

Never leaving you alone; leaves you jaded

 

Life still seems to have cast truth aside

Only good dreams abated

Even ones that left you confiscated

Why the bad dreams today frustrated

Falling from heart to soul agitated

Never leaving you alone; leaves you aggravated

 

Life will still seem to have miscast truth to be denied

Only good dreams desecrated

Even ones that left you devastated 

Why the bad dreams today detonated

Falling from soul to spirit inundated

Never leaving you alone; leaves you feeling separated

 

Life seems to have amassed lies to you that misguide

Only good memories now antiquated

Even ones that left you dissipated

Why not the bad memories today be traded

Forgiveness falling from mind to heart alleviated

Never leaving you alone;  leaves you consecrated

 

Life still seems to have outlast the lies with truth now abide

Only good dreams captivated

Even ones that left you become reactivated

Why the bad dreams today can be extricated

Mercy falling from heart to soul cascaded 

Never leaving you alone; leaves you rehydrated

 

Life will still have amassed truth apply if in HIM you delight

Only good dreams awaited to come true soon enough fabricated and integrated

Even ones that left you now are advocated just belated 

Why the bad dreams yesterday can be vacated and evaded

Grace falling from soul to spirit liberated and motivated

Never leaving you alone; leaves you with faith, hope, and love affiliated and consummated 

The Fight Inside

The fight inside was against myself

I’d lose what was good health

Witness my downfall to the edge of Sheol took away a hundredfold  

 

The fight inside my mind

I’d lose over and over

Mental illness took control

 

The fight inside my heart

I’d lose to fears I feared

Brokenness took its toll

 

The fight inside my soul

I’d lose to depression

Darkness took hold

 

The fight inside my spirit

I’d lose what’s left of freedom

Sentence in chains where demons tormented with pain and confusion untold

 

The fight inside I tapped out

I’d lose my life until HE’d step into my cage and win for me

Openness took time for new life to unfold

Anyway

I was down, down so low, in a pit solo

But let’s keep it on the down low

Why share how devastating it was?

Who would want to know, anyway?

Anyway, I held on by a thread of faith

My mind agonizing in the darkness for some peace to find

Anyway, I reached out blindly with my heart for hope

My eyes straining in the darkness for some light to appear

Anyway, I longed deeply with my soul for love

My emotions drowning in the darkness for someone to lift me up

Anyway, I pleaded insistently with my spirit for mercy

My past caving in, my present wearing thin, my future dimmed and ending?

Anyway, I continued breathing, I kept going, I continued living, I kept breaking

My entire life leading up to a tragedy?  I can’t believe all this! -yet me is still alive now in a nightmare? 

Anyway, I am shocked that my mortality is bared open in the frozen harsh elements where only demons jaunt and my enemy ready to pounce

My equilibrium is off to never never land and I don’t understand anything going on

Anyway, this can’t be happening cascading into fear, fading fast disappear? Awaiting at death’s door panicking here

My reality disintegrating after starving myself, attempting suicide, found myself in psychosis with no longer self-control, just a failure, just a waste, just a stumbling shell of what I once was

Anyway, HE showed me mercy, extended to me grace, cared for me with compassion to grow in faith, hope, and love when crawling learning to stand, when staggering yearning to walk, when tripping returning to run, when fainting burning to soar

My life was given back to me that I didn’t deserve and I couldn’t ever earn this gift

Anyway, I now carry on with how HE rescued, restored, and redeemed me…

I once was down, down so low, in a pit solo

But I have to share how I’m not there in that dreadful place anymore and no longer left alone…

S.T.A.R.T.S. with Pouring Out Your Heart

If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts 
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional 
for meds to help support you 
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again 
and better manage your precious life 
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!...  Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.; 
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.

 

 

In my acronym, S.T.A.R.T.S. will mean: 

something you do…

something new you do… 

something you continue to do…

 

Spiritual

Truths

Activated

Renew/Restore/Replenish

Together

Soundness

 

The Cambridge Dictionary states that:

pour your  heart out

​to tell someone your secret feelings and things that worry you, usually because you feel a strong need to talk about them

 

The Free Dictionary by Farlex states further that:

pour your heart out

To share one’s deepest or most intimate emotions, thoughts, or secrets, especially in a profuse or sudden manner.

express your deepest feelings or thoughts in a full and unrestrained way.

Our Need

With being human, we all need an outlet to release our thoughts and emotions in a constructive manner that will ultimately benefit us with sharing such things with someone rather than keeping it all within – “bottled up” per say.

A bad attitude toward life may be due to holding within bitterness toward a person who has wronged us or toward difficult life event/s without ever dealing with the thoughts and emotions that accompany it.

Depression personally may be due to holding within anger toward self, anger and grief about missed opportunities, or anger and grief about difficult life circumstances (including loss of a loved one) that have happened over time.

Ways of Expression for Sweet Release

My favorite way to pour out my heart is through writing poetry and sharing my hurts, disappointments, difficulties, and sadness with GOD HIMSELF in learning to trust HIM to use hardships, trials, and tribulations to build within me faith and strong character.  I allow HIM to mold me into a better person through it all.

If I kept everything in without talking about it and dealing with it, I would go back into deep depression that I experienced as a youth. I once kept everything in.  I didn’t talk.  I was a loner for the most part, with only a few friends.  All my thoughts and emotions were locked away.  What I experienced because of this was anger inside, anger at life, mistrust of people, and really being a hateful person.  It was a detriment to me personally.  What if I had someone to talk to about what I dealt with instead of going it alone.  I didn’t have a relationship with GOD, at the time, who would have listened to me and helped me had I known I could turn to HIM for HIS care and support.  Life is difficult enough without having to also deal with unresolved and negative thoughts and emotions weighing heavily on the mind, heart, soul, and spirit.

A river needs to have an outlet to move along in forward motion as rains fill it to overflowing.  A river whose outlet is the ocean finds release from the pressure that otherwise builds up as in the case if a dam was built to contain it.

Our minds need an outlet for our thoughts, our hearts need to have an outlet for our emotions to move along forward in this life, our souls need to have an outlet to share hopes and dreams, and our spirit needs an outlet to connect to JESUS and our future in eternity…

If we don’t have an outlet, then negativity backs up, builds up pressure, causes one to erupt at some point with damaging consequences that may include suicidal thoughts and/or suicide attempts as an extreme measure seemingly forced into.  It simply becomes too much to handle and the stress is now too overwhelming.

Who To Turn To

If you have a close friend to talk to about anything and everything, consider yourself blessed to have that special someone in your life.  Not everyone has that.

Going to a counselor to help sort through life’s baggage that may include depression, mental illness, suicidal ideation, abuse, and/or trauma can bring breakthroughs in your life as you face these giants head on and learn to overcome and heal from the hurts you’ve experienced. It takes time, sometimes a very long time to see results.

I have my wife who is my helpmate for sure and can listen to a certain extent.  Yet, I don’t have that one guy in my life that I can talk with, be accountable to, and share my burdens I experience through life.

If you’re like me and need someone other than your spouse or a counselor, then GOD is the relationship you are to establish that can change everything in a positive direction…

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Isaiah 9:6

JESUS is the Wonderful Counselor who fills that deep seated need for support and encouragement we all need…

JESUS is Mighty GOD who fills the role of Protector and a Defense against our enemies…

JESUS is Everlasting FATHER who fills the role giving us the love and provision we need…

JESUS is Prince of Peace who fills the role of giving HIS peace within us to deal with anything that comes our way…

Pour Out Your Heart to GOD

Pouring out your heart to GOD is the single most beneficial thing you can do in your life.  He listens and understands.  JESUS, when HE came to earth as one of us (human too), experienced every type of temptation, stress, emotions, and thoughts yet was without sin. After HE died on the cross to satisfy GOD’s wrath, overcome death, deal with our enemies including satan, and to deal with and forgive our sin, HE became our High Priest who understands our weaknesses, daily bears our burdens, and prays for us.  HE knows and understands us more than anyone else can.

 

Pouring out your heart to GOD = extreme closeness to the heart of GOD

David, a shepherd boy, who later became the king of GOD’s people  is known as a man after GOD’s own heart.  Do you know why he was a man after GOD’s own heart.  David turned to GOD whenever he was dealing with life’s ups and downs and poured out his heart to HIM.  He wasn’t perfect and sinned in terrible ways.  So why then was he still a man after GOD’s own heart.  He made many mistakes, yet he turned to GOD quickly and asked for forgiveness and desired the relationship to be restored.  When good happened in his life, he turned to GOD and gave HIM thanks.  David is the author of many of the Psalms in the Bible.  If you want examples of pouring out your heart to GOD, you can read through the Psalms which are heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts that were burdensome to bear and deeply troubling to heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts expressing gratitude.

 

I highly recommend getting a spiral notebook or other journal and begin the process of pouring out your heart of all its emotions and thoughts, hopes and dreams, failures and successes, and deepest needs expressed to GOD and you will be radically changed for the better by doing so…  Share your thoughts with HIM, cast your cares and anxieties onto HIM from your heart, bare your soul to HIM, and send up flares from your spirit unto HIM…  As you do so over time, things will begin to transform within you through development of your seeking relationship with your Creator who knows all things, knows you, knows what you need and yet wants you to just talk to HIM…

 

Pouring out your heart to GOD is a way of delighting in HIM… There is a wonderful promise to receive when we do this…

 

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

As I have delighted in the LORD, HE has given me some desires of my heart already:

* a wife

* children

* inspiration to write (mostly poetry)

* deliverance from fears and anxieties and being suicidal

* help and support with my mental illness (more of a sound mind and peace within)

* an orphan ministry

* ability to serve with children as one of my passions

* a heart of compassion with ability to show mercy with cheerfulness and to encourage others

* desire to be a pastor

Psalm 62:5-8

⁵ Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God^[a];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸ Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

 

 

 

Once~Then~Thankful

Once so crumbling devastated

Then to be humbly elevated

Thankful for HIS grace…

 

Once so broken inside fragmented pieces

Then to have faith’s security, hope’s clarity, and love’s sincerity that increases

Thankful for HIS mercy…

 

Once so trapped in the deepest pit

Then to have the fortitude to never quit

Thankful for HIS compassion…

 

Once so alone in shock doubting and questioning all of reality in total darkness

Then to be brought near to HIM contrite into the Light rescued so my mind works with new ability and noble sparked interests

Thankful for HIS giving me faith…

 

Once so wavering in turmoil thought I’d been tossed out to sea with Heaven now closed

Then to be set free with destination in fact now open forevermore so my soul alert to HIS faithfulness knows

Thankful for HIS giving me hope…

 

Once so fearful, empty, selfish, and filled with self-hatred 

Then to be at peace, fully restored, reaching out, and overflowing fulfillment so my hearts desires come true of its longing created for, awaited for, and elated for the sacred

Thankful for HIS giving me love…

 

Once so weak sinking beneath the pressure and stress anxiously in agony left to my malady of bankruptcy almost a tragedy

Then in renewed strength rising above accepting my spirit beyond measure to profess consciously in cadency my testimony of amnesty about HIS remedy

Thankful for HIS giving HIS Spirit reuniting mine…

In Time

Time goes on and on

Even think it’s the end

Then new life begins again

 

Talk inside my mind runs ahead

Maps a plan of action prior to sleep

Desires I dream up aren’t always to keep

 

Tracks my heartbeat takes

Guides my feet

Sometimes falters in the in betweens

 

Trust so my soul will thrive

I try to hold steady

Stand firm be bold ready

 

Train my spirit learn to soar

By faith catch updrafts of wind

Only leading where I’m to go opened

 

Times up one day then eternity

Hope for clarity envision

Decision to share my story on mission

 

Together a family promised forevermore

With love deepening stronger bonds to always grow

Know beyond a shadow of doubt Love’s fount will always overflow

What If

What if there’s a cure

What if there isn’t

What if you live pure

What if you didn’t

A cure will be

Either here or there

Pure will help secure you’ll see

Either now or later care to be aware

The cure is to be pure that will secure you within

Forgiveness is sure to endure turning from worlds lusts contradictions that lure

 

What if dreams come true

What if they don’t

What if a vision forms anew

What if it won’t

A dream come true will be

Either here or there

A vision anew will help when arisen you’ll see

Either now or later care to be aware

The dream to be true with new vision arisen will occur within

Conviction will bring decision to share faith, hope, and love on mission to free from prison those who’ll listen

 

What if the future brings relief

What if it doesn’t

What if nurture uplifts beneath

What if it wasn’t

A future with relief will be 

Either here or there

 Nurture will give with return beneath you’ll see

Either now or later care to be aware

The future relief is to nurture through grief for healing to stir within

Searcher for the wounds that hurts your mind, heart, soul and spirit will further along your purpose to belong here with fervor

Change

JESUS can change your life

HE will draw near inside

When you draw near

With heart open wide

With soul whole confide

With mind console behind

With spirit broken guide

Now begins the rebuild

Endow with Spirit filled

Frown lift countenance instilled

Down to lift up thrilled

Rebound with peace until

Abound faith, hope, and love be still…