Posts Tagged ‘Jesus’

There’s a black cloud arising

Over the horizon impending

Doom

 

There’s a black cloud closer

Gathers stronger blocking

Moon

 

There’s a black cloud above

Threatens fear succumbing 

Swoon

 

There’s a black cloud encompassing

Overtaken by darkness blinding

Tomb

 

There’s a black cloud reminding

Of tornadic mind in thunder and lightning

Strewn 

 

There’s a still small voice spoken elevating

That stills the storm within making

Room

 

There’s peace once again releasing

For faith, hope, and love remaining

Hewn

 

There’s a rainbow proved faithful in the forefront

Where clouds have moved beyond the storm front

Boon

 

There’s a day HE’s coming on the clouds again

A trumpet blare humming clear and loud to rend

Attuned

 

Catch wind

Catch fire

Catch the passion

Of all HE desires

Before being caught up in the clouds to meet HIM in the air… soon

There will be setbacks

Not meant to remain in remorse

Just stay the course

 

There will be paybacks

Not meant for you to give

Let go and continue on to live

 

There will be drawbacks

When fear seems to win again

Choose faith to overcome often

 

There will be step backs

Regroup to move forward after rest

Push through until pass the test

 

There will be flashbacks

Panic attacks that take over at times to rewind inferiority

Held back until trust in HIM reminds to find security

 

There will be comebacks

Better than luck will wait to be renewed

After getting stuck will find breakthrough

 

There will be broken dreams

Fix your eyes and continue to believe

One day in delighting you may receive

 

There will be broken hearts

For compassion to grow within

And then mend again arisen

 

There will be wounded souls

That need to be restored however severe

Touch of healing enters their core to reward when persevere

 

There will be wounded spirits

That look for an open door

Release of healing upon wings to soar

 

There will be suicidal thoughts

Surprised at how far you’ve fallen down

Pulled from the waters so as not to drown

 

There will be depression fought

Keep the light lit even if moments flickering slight

Weep in the night until new dawn awaken aright

 

There will be death soon enough

Find faith, hope, and love that remain

Store up treasure in Heaven where your heart will maintain

 

There will be life anew beyond what’s rough

Turn away from plans to end it all refrain

Find grace, mercy, and peace that will sustain

Fell into temptation

For lies deception

Fears inception

Repent to be free

HE forgives fully

 

Don’t forget HIS redemption

Come back to HIM detection

To HIS open arms reception

Meant to be

HE says return to ME

 

HIS mercy correction

HIS compassion selection

HIS grace election

Evident with transparency

HE gives abundantly

 

Your faith’s direction beyond defection

Your hope’s resurrection beyond dejection

Your love’s affection beyond rejection

Different to see

HE rescues and redeems from tragedy

 

Put on armors protection

Bear good fruit in the Vine’s connection

Remember HIS benefits in circumspection

Prevent any apathy

HE provides all that’s necessary

 

Shine HIS Light reflection

Show HIS Love perfection

Share HIS Truth collection

Leant with sincerity

HE offers vision and purpose to fulfill your destiny

 

Live with uplifted complexion HE’s given

Live to press on despite imperfection for HE’s forgiven

Live a new life of predilection driven on mission for the Great Commission

Sent with the Remedy

HE assigns reconciliation’s ministry

Words that sustain

I often reached for bemoan

Through all the times I’d fade

Empty it seemed except skin and bone

Left to fear life and face death more afraid

Sleepless in the middle of the nights groan

Faith, hope, and love seemed lost with no protective shade

I’ve sown sin to lose oppressed

Beyond what reaped dismay

Purpose and vision wept

Death just to deflate

Felt a living hell would overthrow

Survive with my will pleading for HIS mercy, grace, and compassion to mend

 

Words I say

Not my own alone

Try as I may with faith

In HIS Words of life again sown

Will somehow portray

New life grown

To gain one day

I’ve shown with proof refreshed

Beyond what can betray

Purpose and vision dreamt 

Death has to wait

For when HE says it so 

Alive until then

 

Not just empty words array

To build a wall of stone

Lay bare in open air to catch SON’s ray

Of hope that will atone

Not to take away

The pain you’ve known

Suicidal thoughts try to sway

I’ve known this too attest

Beyond nightmares into stray

Purpose and vision leapt

Death can’t equate 

To the reward to come when overcome to overflow

Arrive to fulfill in Heaven

 

Words inspired from above convey

To build up lives broken down hone

In until find the Light I try and persuade

You to continue to fight in the zone

Of proximity ignite into HIS love upgrade

Will stand upright once again blown

Away that you made it this far evade

I’ve grown convinced drew breath

Beyond what I ask or imagine obey

Purpose and vision kept

Death I can relate

To now meant to be when letting go

Of the world’s hold that would decay

Thrive to instill faith, hope, and love befriend

Sooner or later

Discover a hole

Like helium out of a balloon

Unable to rise again

 

Sooner or later

Discover a slit

Like air out of a flat tire

Stuck in a rut

 

Sooner or later

Discover the pressure

Like air deflating the lungs

Hard to breathe

 

Sooner or later

Discover the empty space within

Like nothing can ever fill or another can’t ever fulfill

Lost in despair

 

Sooner or later

Discover the mind not shutting up or shutting down

Like haywire, a trip wire, wires crossed

Sparking thoughts racing or turned off distressed

 

Sooner or later

Discover the heart is broken

Like pieces of a puzzle knowing some are missing

Not able to be complete

 

Sooner or later

Discover the soul is wandering in the desert or wilderness

Like needed water is drying up 

Thirst can’t be quenched

 

Sooner or later

Discover the spirit longing for something more

Like a dream out of reach

Awake each day hopeless or empty

 

Later than sooner

Discover HE fills the empty space within

Faith is activated when HIS Spirit newly opens after life of sin

Hope is elevated by HIS WORD duly awoken the promises to trust in

Love is emanated from HIS Life healing what’s broken to no longer be hidden

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS grace

Lifts your head again and again

Until you begin to soar high above it all

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS mercy

Lifts you up out of the pit where you sit

Releasing you to walk openly in the land of the living

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS compassion

Meets you where you’re at 

Holding you up in your weakness until stronger

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS Light 

Penetrates the darkness

Bringing you out into freedom

 

Later than sooner 

Discover HIS WORD is able to renew your mind

Processes wisdom into a new train of thoughts

Alleviating the tormenting with soundness, clarity, and peace prove profound

 

Later than sooner 

Discover HIS Hands can mold, shape, and revive the heart

Gives its desires to come true as one delights in HIM continually

Creating it anew to be pure and whole

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS Presence provides green pasture and still waters to restore the soul

Satisfies the hunger with Daily Bread and quenches the thirst with Living Water

Protecting you through the valley of the shadow with rod and staff

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS purpose and vision of HIS will for you to quicken and refresh the spirit

Leads you on paths of righteousness to follow for HIS name sake

Initiating your destiny while you live here on earth moving forward until reaching and entering Heaven

Where Would I Be?  Had I Not Known…

Now I have faith, hope, and love to be shown…

And the WORD of HIS Way, Truth, and Life as seeds to be sown…

To walk the straight and narrow until Heaven’s my home…

 

Had to lose myself so weak

To find out who I’m meant to be in HIM set free

 

Had to fall into insanity

To regain a sound mind who has HIS peace opposite of vanity

 

Had to die to selfishness then to self brevity

To arise again who knows HIS reality

 

Had to wander on my own

To learn by faith going HIS Way I’m not alone

 

Had to cast my cares and anxieties upon HIM ongoing interrupt

To endure and persevere with hope for HIS grace, mercy, and compassion showing up

 

Had to seek HIM in the darkness with so much doubt

To trust in HIM as the Light who leads the way out

 

Had to face the giant of fear

To receive HIS love when near until fear would disappear

 

Have to share my testimony no longer lost in sin and lonely

To make JESUS known my destiny -made stronger in HIM only

All for GOD

I will plod

Meets needs more than I want

Soften my heart sod

With HIS Word trod

Into pastures green nod

Beside still waters esplanade

HE restores my soul applaud

Leads into paths of righteousness prod

Through death’s shadow YOUR rod

And staff comfort me beyond the facade

HE prepares a table for me near enemies at odds

HE anoints my head with oil when response is flawed

Fills my cup to overflowing abroad

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me shod

And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever awed

YOU were there when I fell in the deepest pit of utter black darkness wraith of hope depressed

YOU were there when I laid down and could barely sit up to muster any faith to cope in my mess

YOU were there when I was a shell of emptiness with shallow breath as evidence not sure whether I’d ever have steps to be deft again or mend even from your nurturing obligations

YOU were there when I was in hell of loneliness like a death sentence, but you never left as I wept and hardly slept in weakness rend often to descend furthering complications

YOU were there in my broken brokenness lost in strife

YOU were there to awaken awareness into new life

YOU were there to believe for me when I couldn’t just be

YOU were there to perceive YOU’d free when I wouldn’t trust Thee

YOU were there when I couldn’t do anything

YOU were there to pull me through everything

YOU were there to encourage and rebuke readily

YOU were there to give reassurance resolute steadily

YOU were there until we were a growing family

YOU were there to fulfill that we were overflowing avidly

YOU were there when I was lost, then amazed by YOU found with YOUR grace, mercy, and compassion all around no longer the same without any shame

I am here because YOU counted the cost, and raised me up off the ground with purpose, vision, and a future with passion to abound now stronger for YOUR Name renown to proclaim

Burn like fire inside

For only HIM will reside

Follow with faith flames higher

Go with hope aims desire

Spread the love reclaims acquire

Into forest of trees

Between heats intensity

With the smoke rise above perceives

Heaven’s calling for all these conceives

Fresh air ascend upon the clouds newly breathes

Sees from the skies surroundings of the lost in need

Readily descend again for many HE intends to retrieve

Back into and through wildfire beneath

Reaching all for uplifting

Those in the mud and mire

Those in dire straights inspire

Those in death’s shadow soon expire

Those on the edge of hellfire

Those trapped in the crossfire

Those hurting from a backfire

Those whose minds went haywire

Those with dreams to aspire

Those who step in rather than retire

For all the rest HE does require

Set hearts afire inside release to be

Get souls for in HIM resides only peace to free

Met spirits with HIS Spirit cease fears to find relief

Let everyone’s lives bear fruit that increase to finally see

The King of kings high above believe

With provision more than enough of to receive

Who feeds the hungry and brings drink to the thirsty

Where grace falls upon for humbling along the journey

When compassion is a healthy serving 

How HE washes over with waves of mercy

Why HE rescues and redeems into HIS Mystery

To offer vision and purpose in HIS Word for rediscovery

What to think for starters

Live life like martyrs

At first it may seem harder

So let GOD part the water farther

Walk on across fears border

Until you reach HIM as the rewarder

Then offer self daily

Faith driven embracing

Hope given for lives raising

Give love unfailing

Begin the trail blazing

Find HIS grace amazing

Discover purpose to die for

With service apply toward

Eyes with vision more

Mind with wisdom implore

Heart with mission adore

Soul with decisions restore

Spirit with precision soar

Each day mercy is new

So a start over is true

Every storm pass through

More thankful for skies blue

Look to realize how you grew

Love one another as HIS disciple prove

May die many deaths

Take in and out plenty breaths

Forgiven East to West

Looking Heavenward is best

Choose purity to be blessed

Faith filled to pass each test

Come to HIM in need of rest

Rely on HIM when stressed

Failures when fallen confessed

Cleansed from all unrighteousness

Become more when become less

Into the Great Commission invest

Join the few to welcome in the harvest

I have recently launched K.O.R.E. online ministry as GOD has called me to be a pastor.  I’m following the LORD trusting HIM to work in and through my life to bring GOD the FATHER glory, honor, and praise in JESUS’ name…  I plan to write messages weekly and post mostly on Saturdays.  I have written 2 messages one from last week and one for this week.  My hope and prayer is that you will be inspired to grow in faith, hope, and love in your walk with Christ…  I especially want to reach out to those who don’t have a church home.  K.O.R.E. exists for those who are dealing with depression, experiencing mental illness, having suicidal thoughts, have attempted suicide in the past, dealing with oppression, feeling like an outcast, facing health challenges, and/or just feeling overwhelmed in life…  If anyone needs prayer, support, and encouragement feel free to reach out to me anytime…  I will personally respond to you in a timely manner… Come by and visit the website and give me some feedback, leave a prayer request, or express your interest to get involved:  K.O.R.E.

Mistakes that I had made

Low self-esteem, empty, ashamed

No identity yet, solo, afraid

High school, one date came, I’m to blame

Still recognize her face and remember her name

Monday came; she stood there waiting, locked gaze in suspended time, then walked away because I couldn’t respond as if in a daze

I pray she knows HIS love all her days…

 

Mistakes I dare to share

Open up not sure she’d even care

Return the favor listening, revealing all unaware

College, first relationship, burdens to bear

Found solace for a short time so rare

She had to leave across the sea and I let go too scared

I pray she finds HIM suddenly out of no where

 

Mistakes I regret

Awkward, unsure, how to interpret

Searching for identity unkept

College, second relationship, just met

A whirlwind transpires;  I easily make her upset

She gave it one last chance;  I hurt her heart and can’t forget

I pray she experiences HIS joy each day on reset

 

Mistakes of getting too close without commitment

Except our faith in GOD, we’d abstain from being intimate

Taking a chance after my suicide attempt and mental illness onset

Singles group in church, third relationship, her a divorcee with a daughter, could we reinvent

GOD would make it clear we weren’t meant to be in marriage represent

She was saddened, but moved on to start her own family circumvent

I pray she always has HIS encouragement and a love for HIM that’s fervent

 

Through all my mistakes I came to find HIM anew

My refocus in relationship with HIM intertwined with her and grew

Drawn together as we served HIS children in love’s purpose pure and true

Times well spent with each other set in motion HIS will to pursue

It is evident we were meant to be a family within HIS faith, hope, and love through and through

She has fought to win battles with the enemy as revealed by scars and wounds

She has fought to win battles for me in the midst of my darkest hours now removed

She has fought to win battles for herself of declined health faithful to be there for our children proved

I pray she feels HIS love through me continually, reveals HIS love through our children repeatedly, conceals within HIS love fully to share assuredly, and kneels with me in awe of what the LORD has done mercifully in Heaven one day and then walk together as best friends for all eternity…

 

 

 

Legends never die

So they say

Yet I know

JESUS did

Once and for all

 

HE would not deny

HIS will to obey

For love to show

JESUS equipped

To answer HIS call

 

There’s a love

In the air tonight

Death on a cross

Laid it down a silent fight

Hope to win from a loss

Could HE have had it right

HE surely counted the greatest cost

Faith to save souls beyond the violent sight

 

Why did HE have to die

HE had done nothing wrong

For the lost to find like you and I

Redemption give for freedom’s song

Dreaded darkness seems to deny

Hearts broken and broken dreams all but gone

 

Buried hidden until 3rd day ensue

Risen again to new life lead and guide

Victory over sin, death, and hell prove true

Believing now at an all time high

Sharing the Good News soon pursue

Resurrection and the Life brought to Light

 

HIS shed blood purifies all that is mine

Forgiven to be who I’m meant to be

HE holds the keys to Heaven and hell remind

Adopted into GOD’s family setting me free

HE intercedes from Heaven for me as High Priest divine

Called to tell of HIM boldly sharing my testimony is my destiny

 

After reading Matthew Malin’s post Severing the Chains of Regret:  Is it Possible?, it reminded me of times in my own life dealing with regrets and prompted within me a desire to shed more light on the subject…

Before I do, I will also share in one of many regrets of an attempt to impress a young girl as a middle school teenager.  I was riding my 10 speed bike and peddled as fast as I could by her as she watched from upon my porch.  I realize at the last second upon reaching the  6″ curb that I must brake = I flipped completely head over heels with bike following in tow over me into a heap as I landed hard on my back.  Yah, so much for that stunt.  I wonder what she thought about it?

And one more for good measure is my first date as a 17 year old taking a girl to a movie.  I have no recollection of what the feature show was called or what it was about. But what I do remember is taking her home, getting out of the car, gently placing both of my hands on the sides of her face, and the good intention of giving her a kiss on her forehead out of respect before saying good night.  However, she looked up to kiss me and I kissed her nose.  Yep!?  I attempted once more and the same result occurred.  Nope!  Not doing that again.  The next day looking at the doorway (as I sat in my seat in an empty classroom awaiting for its start) there she appeared and stood waiting for me as if she still cared for me.  Try as I might have wanted to -regret and embarrassment took over and I didn’t move let alone respond.  After a few minutes, she turned and walked away.  Needless to say, it was the first and last date I had in high school.

How to Respond to Our Regrets

I wholeheartedly agree with Matthew’s take on regrets (author of Confessions), that it factors into everyone’s life at some point if live long enough to deal with it, lose from it, fail in it, and have to face it. And he is right that JESUS is the answer…

HE is the answer to our dilemma of regret (past actions of our own doing or performed against us by others, present guilt or shame, and future handling of its weight:

  • pressing upon us
  • repressing within us
  • suppressing all positive forward response from us
  • and/or oppressing over every facet of our lives

 

We may not forget our regrets, yet we may still be forgiven, experience breakthroughs,  and thus find freedom to finally move forward into further maturity…

JESUS forgives to rescue our lives, forgives to restore our lives, and forgives to redeem our lives…

Peter experienced a rescue from JESUS when he came to believe and trust in HIM while following HIM.

Peter experienced a restoration after failing in faithfulness to JESUS (forsaking HIM 3 times) in moments of anxiety, confusion, fear, darkness, and weakness -yet gaining a deeper level of forgiveness after JESUS returned to him to continue the relationship with HIS faithfulness, HIS hope filled reunion, and HIS perfect love given.

Peter experienced a redemption when given the renewed responsibility to spread the Good News of salvation ordained by JESUS knowing HE had risen from the dead and still loved and valued him beyond the failures and regrets of guilt and shame he had harbored…

Our first and foremost response is to turn to HIM for forgiveness:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  John 3:16-17

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  1 John 1:9

HE forgives to rescue:

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  Romans 10:9

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:10

As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” Romans 10:11

For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile–the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:12-13

HE forgives to restore:

Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good.  Psalm 25:7

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.  Isaiah 54:4

HE forgives to redeem:

For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed.  Isaiah 50:7

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.  Psalm 34:5

And so, I share this because HE is real; HE is faithful to respond and rescue when turning to HIM by grace through faith; HE is able and willing to restore hope to anyone’s soul through mercy and compassion; HE fully redeems anyone’s life changing the whole trajectory of one’s path onto the straight and narrow with HIS Light and encouraging Word and over time casting out fears with HIS perfect love that never fails…

With HIS forgiveness in being rescued, restored, and redeemed we may become inspired and motivated to tell others about what we’ve:

  • discovered to be the Way out of darkness and regret
  • found to be the Truth toward walking in HIS Light and back into the land of the living after each regret
  • experienced to be the new Life granted with purpose and with vision beyond any and all regrets

 

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.” Romans 1:16-17

With forgiveness, all of us may continue to keep fighting and overcoming…

As you sit here after reading this, JESUS stands at the door of your heart and knocks.  Will you respond?  Regrets and/or embarrassment doesn’t have to keep you immovable like in a chair in an empty classroom as an awkward and lonely teenager nor keep you from the greatest gift of HIS unfailing love and forgiveness that may be yours for simply turning to HIM and asking for it.  HE doesn’t walk away, but is waiting for you still -here… now…

For he says, “In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.” I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation. 2 Corinthians 6:2

HIS forgiveness is HIS key to our hearts:

  • with faith in HIM as our response to know
  • with hope toward HIM as our realization to grow
  • with love from HIM as our reward and to do unto others owe…
  • with HIS Word as our reason into others sow…
  • with HIS Living Water refilling our cups as a reservoir to overflow into channels of HIS grace, mercy, and compassion to show…

 

I reblogged the following post from Matthew Malin, the author of Confessions.

 

I’ve made a few terrible mistakes in my short twenty-seven years. A serious understatement. It’s possible that I could begin an article series that walks through every horrible decision I’ve made and still have enough content to keep me busy, and you laughing, for years.

Like the one time I decided it would be a good idea to hop the baseball fence in an effort to impress one of the softball girls I was crushing on. I was playing Baseball as a Sophomore in high school.The cool thing to do back then was, well, act cool. I remember leaving my gloves on the other side of the fence “accidentally.” I figured this was a great moment to showcase my athletic ability. It just so happened that the entire softball team was running right past the spot I was going to jump over.

Perfect!

I took off in a dead sprint…

View original post 1,274 more words

I recently shared my suicide attempt story with Anne Moss Rogers who is an author, a public speaker, and a suicide prevention trainer.  She is the site owner of the Emotionally Naked Blog. Her son Charles Aubrey Rogers died by suicide on June 5, 2015.  Anne has dedicated her life to help others who have suffered the loss of a loved one and to help prevent suicide through awareness and training.  She allows others to share their stories and is a voice of hope with a compassionate heart.  She carries precious memories of her son as she carries on to make a positive difference in this world…

Here is the article I wrote:  https://annemoss.com/2020/01/06/a-suicide-attempt-survivor-speaks-out/

Dissolve sin by HIS blood

Resolve to win by HIS forgiveness thereof

 

Dissolve faithlessness in HIS faith

Resolve to taste test HIS goodness awaits

 

Dissolve hopelessness in HIS hope

Resolve the restlessness by walking until home

 

Dissolve fear in HIS love

Resolve to adhere to things above

GOD is ONE who shows

HE…

Cares for even the sparrows

Created us flesh, blood, and marrow

Is greater in love laying down HIS life with obedience to the cross HE chose

Died to save us from sin and death HE did swallow

Shed HIS blood to forgive us making us whiter than snow

Redeems our lives in victory for HE arose

Will restore relationship if in disobedience we once froze

Let’s us know we are no longer solo

Helps us to walk through the valley of death’s shadow

Comforts, heals, and builds us up after sorrow

Lifts up our heads toward on high after being low

Lifts us up from being stuck in our woes

Lifts up our countenance until we glow

Changes us within to no longer be hollow

Loves us on the straight and narrow

Provides HIS grace to overflow

Provides HIS mercy to always know

Provides HIS compassion for us to go

Provides HIS Spirit for strength to follow

Helps us break up the ground that’s fallow 

Gives us faith, hope and love to grow

Gives us HIS will to disclose

Gives us the seeds to sow

Gives us commands from above to make disciples here below

Wins souls as wise to store up treasure in Heaven to bestow

Helps us throw off the sin that so easily entangles with our no

Leads us in paths of righteousness for HIS name sake for HIS will never to overthrow

Creates in us pure hearts so as not to fall into the world’s undertow

Delivers us from evil and defeats every foe

Defends HIS children from the enemy against us and all who may oppose

Aims our kids to go beyond as HIS arrows

Takes us further than beyond the status quo

Makes us vessels beyond what we think, ask, or imagine even more so

Stays the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow

Keeps HIS promises as evidenced by the rainbow

Prays we are willing to obey with the lives we borrow

Remains faithful if we falter or fall down even though

Will come again on the clouds to call us home lifting us up even so

Notice I didn’t include in the title “HAPPY” New Year.  I do want you to be happy, but I know and understand many are not for they are dealing with difficult things even extremely severe pain/despair/loss, suicidal thoughts, and/or mental illness.  You are not alone… I thank all of you who have followed this blog and I’m here for anyone who needs support, encouragement, and care…  Reach out to me anytime!!…

JESUS understands all about whatever you’re facing and HE desires to be there for you in it, through it, and on into new life…

It is officially 2020 and what comes to mind is 20/20 vision which is considered good eyesight for humans to have…  How is your vision now?

Do you look on with faith, hope, and love or doubt, anxiety, and fear?…

If you have faith, hope, and love in JESUS (looking to HIM for your help) despite what circumstances you’re dealing with, you’re trusting HIM through it all no matter what so you can move forward along your journey…

If you have doubt, anxiety, and fear in yourself or others; the circumstances you’re dealing with become overwhelming and make one feel stuck…

What do you want your vision to be this year in 2020?

Can it be directed upward to whom your help comes from ultimately?

Can it change from despair within yourself or from mistrust in others?

Yes, you can change course by bringing everything you are to JESUS who will daily bear your burdens and give your soul rest… then onward, pressing on, to moving forward with HIM as HE leads you into new life…

There is available to every one of us a more perfect vision that is spiritual and action oriented…

I call it KING Vision 17/17…

It is a way of looking at our life in HIS love, through HIS love, and with HIS love for GOD and for others to continually pursue in order to know, to grow, and to show…

JESUS is the KING of kings…

Vision is viewing life with purpose on mission…

17/17 is inspired by Proverbs 17:17 which states firstly “A friend loves at all times…”

JESUS is our friend that is able to love us at all times…

Knowing this helps us love GOD and others at all times…

How about adopting KING Vision 17/17 in this year of 2020 that is better than 20/20 human vision?

At 2 years old, I had a very high fever that wouldn’t break.  I was taken to the hospital and the doctors couldn’t get it down either…  I ended up having seizures and was placed in an ice bath with hopes of bringing the temp down and not succumbing to an early death.  This experience may have contributed to me having a crossed eye and loss of vision.  At 4 years old, I had surgery on my left eye to shorten the muscle so as not to have an extreme cross eye.  I have not had unaided 20/20 vision since…  I needed corrective lenses to help me see better and obtain as close to 20/20 vision as can be had.

If I could have glasses/contacts made that help correct my vision by an optometrist, then wouldn’t it be possible for GOD to correct our spiritual vision in a greater way?  HE has done it for me…  HE can for you too!!…  Nothing is impossible for HIM!!!

Today is the first day of the new year 2020, so many choose to make new year’s resolutions which can lead to positive life-changing results.  More often than not, many resolutions fall by the wayside.

With GOD however, HIS mercies are new every morning, HIS compassions fail not…

You need to know this, so that when new year’s resolutions are met with adversity or failure you may still have hope each new morning…  Yes, today is 1/1/2020.  Yet, remember GOD gives each day as a new start and HIS compassions for you will not fail even when you do fail…

Does your vision for 2020 hold on to only what you’ve done today, for days in a row, for this week, or for even this whole year?

Would you rather have KING Vision 17/17 where love is available at all times and every day is a new start to accept change, accept healing, accept forgiveness of self/others, accept new life each and every day and accept new endeavors meant for you to be a part of one day?!…

New life is found in JESUS for HE is the Way, the Truth, and the Life…  HE changed water into wine…  HE can renew your mind with peace to not resign…  HE can repair your broken heart to be one of a kind…  HE can recreate a pure heart for new innocence to find…  HE can restore your despairing soul with peace to realign…  HE can redeem your wounded spirit with new found freedom in HIS love forever remind…  You can remain in faith, hope, and love eternally within HIS grace, mercy, and compassion with new beginnings to brightly shine…

I walk past my dad sleeping on the couch.  He came to get me.  I open the door slowly, quietly.  I close it behind me.  I realize now that it was unwise of me to not get help and go it on my own.  But I didn’t think of getting help until it was too late.  Ask for help if you need it!…

I walk away further than I had been into the darkest night.  I had been walking away for quite some time.  Away from faith and trust in JESUS.  Late nights, barely any sleep.  Trying to get through my university classes and working.  Hadn’t been eating much if not at all for weeks.  Thoughts began turning against me until suicidal.  I realize now I was needing to eat and nourish my body and was part of the reason my mind turned against myself.  Nourish your body so as not to do it damage or cause the wiring in the brain to malfunction/misfire…

As I walked onward, the intensity of the situation became unbearable.  GOD seemed to be warning me and I questioned it wondering if I should turn back.  Then I made the decision to go farther at a quicker pace.  Swarms of mosquitos appear out of nowhere attacking my hypersensitive self to make matters worse and more dreadful than at first.  It was torturous and had never happened to me before nor anytime after.  I think about turning back again.  I continue on instead.  I believe GOD was trying to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen.  I realize now that it wasn’t GOD’s heart for me to do.  GOD doesn’t tempt us to hurt ourselves or to commit suicide and wants us to trust HIM as HE works in and through us to become who HE’s called us to be…

I understand though how someone can get so low as to commit suicide.  I don’t judge, yet I know that GOD’s heart is not for this to be the outcome…

I ended up in a field of abandoned cars.  Ironic that this is how I felt.  Abandoned.  An empty shell of my former self.  Wide open to the elements.  No more human presence.  Not able to go anymore.  Broken spirit like all the engines there.  I sat in one of the doorless vehicles contemplating for hours whether I’d take my life or not.  Then I contemplated what seemed like just minutes or seconds. 2 or 3 times got ready then decided this is it.  It was then as if the enemy of my soul took his heavy pressuring off of me as I attempted.  It was as if he pushed me to that edge.  Then I was left all alone.  So I thought.  I realize now that GOD doesn’t give up on anyone and will help us when we turn back to HIM in trust continuing to live on until HE rebuilds us… Place your trust in GOD to get you through anything by choosing to endure and persevere for there is great reward if you do…

 

I came up for air.  I realize now GOD wouldn’t let me drown, because HE had a plan for my life…  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD has a plan for a hope and a future for you too…

 

Confused.  What did I do?  I was scared.  Cursed.  Accursed?  That is how I felt.  I realize now that GOD has great compassion and enduring mercy.  HE wouldn’t abandon me like the car in the broken empty graveyard.  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD will show you great compassion and enduring mercy to the most difficult things you’ve experienced in your life…  Let HIM help you too…

 

I’m still alive.  Am I though?  I felt so lost, ashamed, and guilt ridden as I walked back.  I realize now GOD would find me, heal me, and forgive me further along the healing journey.   But I didn’t know it then.  At some point GOD will find you, heal you inside, and forgive you too if you ask HIM, seek HIM, and knock for HIM when don’t give up (took time over 19 years to experience healing of various aspects of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit). JESUS is faithful and true and I couldn’t do it on my own without HIM… HE’s brought me this far and I give HIM thanks in all things the good, the bad, and the ugly…

 

As I reached the nearest road, a person pulled over and took me to my apartment with my dad unknowing of one of the darkest moments of my life.  I was so desperate that I didn’t even tell him the seriousness of what I was dealing with.  I realize now that GOD moved on my dad’s heart to come get me traveling over 800 miles after I called my mom and let her know I wasn’t doing good.  If you need to be honest and tell someone you need help too, do it…  It’s ok when you’re feeling so very weak to get support until you’re better… Don’t wait (especially if you’re thinking of suicide and/or not eating…) It’s ok…  Getting help is being human and alive…  If you don’t have anyone, feel free to reach out to me…  Email me at:  jeffandtami@truevine.net

There are emergency numbers to call on this website as well.

To be continued…

Edges

Posted: October 19, 2019 in Jesus, Life, new life, Poems
Tags: , ,

I know sanity

Far from the edge already

Enough to be enthusiastically

Feeling all levity

Living life splendidly

When I ran oblivious of HIM lightly

Steady in gravity

When in childlike wonder thought I had plenty

 

I know vanity

Near to be edgy indirectly

Enough to be imaginary

Feeling all jestingly

Living life generally

When I strutted without HIM in revelry

Heady atop gravity

When I was trendy

 

I came to know HIM in amity

From the edge of inanity

Enough to be changed in personality

Feeling all empathy

Living life pleasantly

When I tried to walk with HIM credibly

Led free somewhat through gravity

When I was meant to be

 

I know carnality

Over the edge of morality

Enough to be vulgarity

Feeling all asperity

Living life irreverently

When I walked away from HIM insularity

Offend Thee stuck in gravity

When I was in prodigality

 

I know insanity

On the edge of brevity

Enough to be deadly

Feeling all dreadfully

Living life in self-pity

When I fell apart from HIM mightily

Heavy under gravity

When I was empty

 

I know agony

On the edge of tragedy

Enough to be a calamity

Feeling all panicky

Living life drastically

When I stumbled looking for HIM pantingly

Unsteady by gravity

When I was testy

 

I know tenacity

At the edge of a remedy

Enough to be erratically

Feeling all dramatically

Living life actively

When I pressed on toward HIM attentively

Ready for gravity

When I was messy

 

I know HIM ecstatically

Brought to the edge of my humanity

Enough to be for morality

Feeling all spirituality

Living life valiantly

When I rested in HIM confidently

Defends me from my enemy below this gravity

When YOU test me

 

I know HIM as centrality

Beyond the edge of amnesty

Enough to be compassionately

Feeling all passionately

Living life in vitality 

When I walk with HIM emphatically

Makeready for far above this gravity

While I am a levy until only YOU commend me

Forge ahead

No longer dead

Walk by faith instead

 

Ignore dread

Now stronger led

Chock full of hope imbed

 

Mentor tread

Go conquer over enemy fled

Flock to HIM in love that’s kindred

 

New life can be gained inside to prosper

Open to be saved in HIS coffer

Rock of Salvation encouraged in Truth to be HIS goffer

 

By grace you become HIS son or daughter

In compassion let HIM write your story as Author

Stock up with mercy being a living sacrifice you offer

 

Ask for greater faith to be given by our FATHER

Seek for greater hope to be given by the Spirit taught astir

Knock for greater love to be given by our Savior who fought for all refilling cups with Living Water

Why must I

Rhyme

In or out of sync

Succinct

Out the window

At a weeping willow

Reset sleep onto pillow

Fellowship wherever the wind does blow

Silhouette alone in the shadow 

Won’t make an innuendo in the end though

Crescendo

 

Why fight

Rhythm this time

How meaning will link

Brink

Of disaster thrown

Or laughter sown

Here and now known

No matter, will own

Then or later grown

Happily ever… shown

After… on into Heaven go

 

Stronger than wrong

Longer than right come and gone

Not for long, back again like a favorite song

Wrong turn, then turn back onto the narrow road walk along

Mercy new with the dawn 

Only because of YOU I belong

With faith, hope, and love I’m drawn

By YOUR Spirit conquer not with brawn

To be YOUR witness to the throng

Beyond the suicide attempt with new life prolong

 

Never will forget 

Not kept a secret

Spoken to let 

You get set

To live anew now met

With rebirth beget

Pure and true to offset

Beyond your regret

And no longer to fret 

For in HIS hands are always kept

Disband after the fight

Rest you weary soul

Only for awhile

Until the next one

Commence

 

Stand up in the Light

Test you bleary hold

Lonely award an extra mile

Still connects among

Immense

 

Hand in hand through the night

Attest anew nearly behold

Boldly forward go past denial

Instill access won

Confidence

 

Planned from the start with love ignite

Professed truth merely uphold

Closely reward into one’s heart worthwhile

Goodwill protects in the long run

In defense

 

HE understands when broken and contrite

Addressed to move inside sincerely mold

Wholly adored build up in support reconcile

Refill to coalesce faith, hope, and love into one’s cup overrun

In mercy evidenced

 

Expand with Heaven’s insight

Expressed for new growth inside clearly be told

Solely afford to overcome each trial

Skills obtain for progress where there once was none

Undeserved recompense

 

Commands to do what’s right

Manifest what’s pure and true that’s dearly unto HIM more valuable than gold

Holy accord become a reflection of the SON beguile

Fulfill HIS Great Commission for Thy will to be done

In watchful suspense

 

 

 

Childhood left far behind

Memories though remind

Of innocence 

And freedom

For a time

 

Crushes left far behind

Memories though remind

Of interest

Other than just me

And mine

 

Hometown left far behind

Memories though remind

Of stability

And familiarity

Entwined

 

New to now old places left far behind

Memories though remind

Of adjustment not ready

And coping unsteady

Disinclined

 

Youth growing pains left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failures in choices made

And mistakes in decisions strayed

Misaligned

 

Broken relationships left far behind

Memories though remind

Of awkwardness

And immaturity

Combined

 

Peace and hope soon left far behind

Memories though remind

Of JESUS changing my demeanor

And self-esteem with composure

Aligned 

 

Friends and family left far behind

Memories though remind

Of being lost and afraid

And sin’s cost betrayed

Unrefined

 

Relationship with HIM left far behind

Memories though remind

HE’s the only way, the truth, and the life

Of shock to feel forsaken

And suicidal thoughts overtaken

Inclined

 

Realities once known left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith in HIM for HIS mercy plead for

And only HE can rescue to restore

A sound mind

 

From psych hospital left far behind

Memories though remind

Of the pain and darkness tumbling

And life moving forward in starkness stumbling 

Blind

 

Seek HIM whom I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of mental illness diagnosis

And depression with psychosis

Confined

 

New opportunities with purpose I thought were left far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS truth and kindness shown before

And HIS Word anew choosing to seek HIM to implore

Unwind

 

Someone close I’d have to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS choice for me to marry

And HIS way, truth, and the life chosen though I’d tarry

Outlined

 

Another episode into psych hospital again I thought was left far behind

Memories though remind

Of fears revisited and hallucinations come alive

And paranoia riveted inside

Divide

 

Another miracle release yet I felt left far behind

Memories though remind

Of continuing to call on HIS name for help and fears increased to cease to be set free

And so weak, weary, and wavering I’d barely hold on to a sense of reality

Contrived

 

Somehow I’d live and work with a growing family beside trying to leave the negative far behind

Memories though remind

Of hit and miss volleys of episodes small and large in magnitude

And the loss of less and less aptitude 

Maligned 

 

There were times I’d be alright with new peace and hope replacing what I wanted left far behind

Memories though remind

Of peace and hope not lasting for long

And I was a step away from a sense of security being gone

Unbind

 

My life crashed down again heading back to another psych hospital that I couldn’t leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of the wreckage I was causing my family broken apart

And damage of decades of doubt taken its toll on my heart

Deride

 

This time I’d protect my wife and fight the enemy and my demons I thought I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failed attempts, of fear inept, and darkness’s depths while looking above

And yet I chose to walk by faith each step of the way confronting each giant to slay -along came love

To guide

 

My sense of love for my family upon seeing them I never want to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of desire to fight to keep and to hold them close

And choose to put HIM first and love HIM most

Abide

 

I’d falter once again to enter the psych hospital and another battle escalated with the enemy of my soul who wants me left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith, hope, and love that remains and the Spirit within to fight the war ensued outside

And HE proves faithful to be there by my side to protect my family, then to center me to defeat my enemy of pride, of lies, of disguise, of negative ties that have followed me from behind

Tried

 

I fight the good fight with HIS grace, mercy, forgiveness, encouragement, and compassion that has not left me far behind

Memories though remind

Of the battles that still need to be fought for others to know the truth

And become HIS disciple who follows with faith, hope, and love as proof

Decide

 

HE promises to never leave nor forsake when trust HIM, so there’s no fear of what’s left far behind

Memories though remind

Of praying on the armor and saving souls as wise being a soldier who will fight on the frontline

And to press on Heavenward to win the prize as a reflection of HIS Light to shine

Realigned

 

HE didn’t leave me far behind, but left the ninety-nine to come after me to find

Memories though remind

Of the deepest, darkest pit I fell into, that I might see -what HE bought would continue to pursue with love’s stride open to what frees

And to show and tell of HIS rescue, not just for me -but for you too HE will do until we’re made new… from above provide in what HE’s

Designed