If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional
for meds to help support you
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again
and better manage your precious life
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!... Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.;
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.
To shareone’sdeepest or mostintimateemotions,thoughts, or secrets,especially in a profuse or suddenmanner.
expressyourdeepestfeelings or thoughts in a fullandunrestrainedway.
Our Need
With being human, we all need an outlet to release our thoughts and emotions in a constructive manner that will ultimately benefit us with sharing such things with someone rather than keeping it all within – “bottled up” per say.
A bad attitude toward life may be due to holding within bitterness toward a person who has wronged us or toward difficult life event/s without ever dealing with the thoughts and emotions that accompany it.
Depression personally may be due to holding within anger toward self, anger and grief about missed opportunities, or anger and grief about difficult life circumstances (including loss of a loved one) that have happened over time.
Ways of Expression for Sweet Release
My favorite way to pour out my heart is through writing poetry and sharing my hurts, disappointments, difficulties, and sadness with GOD HIMSELF in learning to trust HIM to use hardships, trials, and tribulations to build within me faith and strong character. I allow HIM to mold me into a better person through it all.
If I kept everything in without talking about it and dealing with it, I would go back into deep depression that I experienced as a youth. I once kept everything in. I didn’t talk. I was a loner for the most part, with only a few friends. All my thoughts and emotions were locked away. What I experienced because of this was anger inside, anger at life, mistrust of people, and really being a hateful person. It was a detriment to me personally. What if I had someone to talk to about what I dealt with instead of going it alone. I didn’t have a relationship with GOD, at the time, who would have listened to me and helped me had I known I could turn to HIM for HIS care and support. Life is difficult enough without having to also deal with unresolved and negative thoughts and emotions weighing heavily on the mind, heart, soul, and spirit.
A river needs to have an outlet to move along in forward motion as rains fill it to overflowing. A river whose outlet is the ocean finds release from the pressure that otherwise builds up as in the case if a dam was built to contain it.
Our minds need an outlet for our thoughts, our hearts need to have an outlet for our emotions to move along forward in this life, our souls need to have an outlet to share hopes and dreams, and our spirit needs an outlet to connect to JESUS and our future in eternity…
If we don’t have an outlet, then negativity backs up, builds up pressure, causes one to erupt at some point with damaging consequences that may include suicidal thoughts and/or suicide attempts as an extreme measure seemingly forced into. It simply becomes too much to handle and the stress is now too overwhelming.
Who To Turn To
If you have a close friend to talk to about anything and everything, consider yourself blessed to have that special someone in your life. Not everyone has that.
Going to a counselor to help sort through life’s baggage that may include depression, mental illness, suicidal ideation, abuse, and/or trauma can bring breakthroughs in your life as you face these giants head on and learn to overcome and heal from the hurts you’ve experienced. It takes time, sometimes a very long time to see results.
I have my wife who is my helpmate for sure and can listen to a certain extent. Yet, I don’t have that one guy in my life that I can talk with, be accountable to, and share my burdens I experience through life.
If you’re like me and need someone other than your spouse or a counselor, then GOD is the relationship you are to establish that can change everything in a positive direction…
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6
JESUS is the Wonderful Counselor who fills that deep seated need for support and encouragement we all need…
JESUS is Mighty GOD who fills the role of Protector and a Defense against our enemies…
JESUS is Everlasting FATHER who fills the role giving us the love and provision we need…
JESUS is Prince of Peace who fills the role of giving HIS peace within us to deal with anything that comes our way…
Pour Out Your Heart to GOD
Pouring out your heart to GOD is the single most beneficial thing you can do in your life. He listens and understands. JESUS, when HE came to earth as one of us (human too), experienced every type of temptation, stress, emotions, and thoughts yet was without sin. After HE died on the cross to satisfy GOD’s wrath, overcome death, deal with our enemies including satan, and to deal with and forgive our sin, HE became our High Priest who understands our weaknesses, daily bears our burdens, and prays for us. HE knows and understands us more than anyone else can.
Pouring out your heart to GOD = extreme closeness to the heart of GOD
David, a shepherd boy, who later became the king of GOD’s people is known as a man after GOD’s own heart. Do you know why he was a man after GOD’s own heart. David turned to GOD whenever he was dealing with life’s ups and downs and poured out his heart to HIM. He wasn’t perfect and sinned in terrible ways. So why then was he still a man after GOD’s own heart. He made many mistakes, yet he turned to GOD quickly and asked for forgiveness and desired the relationship to be restored. When good happened in his life, he turned to GOD and gave HIM thanks. David is the author of many of the Psalms in the Bible. If you want examples of pouring out your heart to GOD, you can read through the Psalms which are heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts that were burdensome to bear and deeply troubling to heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts expressing gratitude.
I highly recommend getting a spiral notebook or other journal and begin the process of pouring out your heart of all its emotions and thoughts, hopes and dreams, failures and successes, and deepest needs expressed to GOD and you will be radically changed for the better by doing so… Share your thoughts with HIM, cast your cares and anxieties onto HIM from your heart, bare your soul to HIM, and send up flares from your spirit unto HIM… As you do so over time, things will begin to transform within you through development of your seeking relationship with your Creator who knows all things, knows you, knows what you need and yet wants you to just talk to HIM…
Pouring out your heart to GOD is a way of delighting in HIM… There is a wonderful promise to receive when we do this…
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
As I have delighted in the LORD, HE has given me some desires of my heart already:
* a wife
* children
* inspiration to write (mostly poetry)
* deliverance from fears and anxieties and being suicidal
* help and support with my mental illness (more of a sound mind and peace within)
* an orphan ministry
* ability to serve with children as one of my passions
* a heart of compassion with ability to show mercy with cheerfulness and to encourage others
* desire to be a pastor
Psalm 62:5-8
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. 6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 7 My salvation and my honor depend on God[a]; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. 8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Beating heart not alone; relating deeply froze within more quickly stocked of proof
Repeating parts unknown; fading steeply closed the open door strictly locked aloof
Out of the blue
Flood rising
Heaving beneath me uprising -dares something that would despair as if from a warmonger; unaware as it towered over mocked in bout of how to move
Leaving me grieved -fretting there’s nothing that good to share any longer; stare as a coward in shock without a clue
Feeling blue
Blood comprising
Blinking moments nothing new
Shrinking monotony mental agony grew
Black and blue
Stunned compromising
Weakening in the fight forlorn; yearn for my Friend an empty feeling to deploy with hint of doom
Deepening apart from the Light cornered by the enemy stealing all joy left in my room
Got the blues
Mud despising
Fleeting luck in this life seemingly blew above my head into outer space bound with death sentence flew
Seething amok with strife reeling; need to shove aside dread, sin, doubt -turn pace around meant with repentance reprove
Beyond the blue horizon remove
Trudged agonizing
Thinking and motion why tarries/ my very end later nears adieu
Deceiving and broken lies scare/ ties snare me again; greater fears loom
Deeper than the deep blue sea subdued
Thud immobilizing
Breathing at bay with drawl confused
Sinking away from all of you
Turning blue
Grudge surmising
Clinging to forever promises in lieu of madness now found to never ever be overdue
Interceding, HIS endeavor promises to approve of sadness abound/ astound together whatever needs over drew
Look to the skies in open blue
Overcome arising
Seeking height of mercy seat from whom my help (aligning when show contrite I now move upright) comes to soon
See KING aright as High Priest from whom my hope (shining defense so bright I bow through the night) comes at noon
Once in a blue moon
Budge realizing the ONE recognizing
Freeing mercy cover over past bring; now unglued and from all that had me unglued
Relieving thirsty love astir everlasting; endow into and from HIS call that I gladly exude
True blue
Drudge galvanizing
Unshrinking back with face forward instead; set above like flint to live life sent anew
Leading attack with grace soar Heavenward indebted to love true ignite stint to give light into
Until blue in the face behoove
Dud demoralizing, won some advising, scud revising, undone advertising, run exercising, lungs emphasizing, SON energizing
Linking faith/ Truth to chase for breakthrough
Linking wraith testimony to race for souls accrue
Ocean blue
Adjudge enterprising
Reaching out to touch your shore to be restored
Teaching Fount you clutch toward to be adored
Roses are red, violets are blue
Bud devising
Bringing to all faith, hope, and love into view
Seeing with vision imbue
Believing the purpose to do
Receiving compassion construe
Conceiving beyond what to think, ask, or imagine until overflowing with the mission of love driven pursue…
Blue is my favorite color ever since a child I’d choose
Young mesmerizing
Meeting I still knew of depression fight an oppression weighed heavily from among arrows burn can discern the enemy who accused -me and plenty others share; pleading from earth’s venue
Greeting I will do in Heaven quite an impression made steadily of unsung heroes who were in turn mending as abused -free from any tethers wear; needing rebirth’s rescue
When you’re ready, you will trust in GOD again… you have that choice, you own that decision only you can make, you have the will to empower trust in HIM whenever you want to practice it…
Trust is a heart and soul thing that grows after you set your mind to begin the endeavor again… You can learn to trust in HIM with moments (like your move to a new place) and choose to trust HIM for healing (like your lifelong journey through trauma/abuse to triumph/astounding) whenever you want… When you fall back to not trusting, from that low point and helpless perspective; you can once again look up in trust to your Heavenly FATHER who gives good gifts and wants to love and care for you… You may choose to trust in moments or a daily decision through prayer (prayer is turning to HIM in trust) and pouring out your heart (through talking to HIM out loud, quietly inside, or writing it out)…
You’re loved and cared for not matter what… You’ll get to know/relearn HIS love and care as you decide to trust when you choose to… I am proud of you when you choose to reach out to those weak in need of love and care… In your weakness, JESUS is strong… Being there for them in being who you are matters and is doing good despite what you may feel or think about yourself… You are showing faith in action; doing GOD’s will in doing HIS Word:
Psalm 41 1 Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the Lord delivers them in times of trouble. 2 The Lord protects and preserves them— they are counted among the blessed in the land— he does not give them over to the desire of their foes. 3 The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.
verse 1 “regard for the weak”; for me the orphans, for you may be anyone weak you reach out to (orphans, special needs children/adults, homeless, abused and neglected souls, widows/widowers, or elderly)
Focus on these Words above and let it become one of your life verses/life mantra…
These verses helped me hang on, believe and trust, and reach out and one day HE answered these promises in my own life… These awesome Words came true through HIM and through me, for me, and in me… I still cannot fathom the turn-around in my life because of JESUS the Living and active Word bringing this about and GOD the FATHER’s mercy and compassion for me…
Look carefully and choose to believe and trust for these to be your benefits as well:
1) delivers them in times of trouble
2) protects and preserves them / does not give them over to the desire of their foes (who want to steal, kill, or destroy; suicide)
3) restores them from their bed of illness (physically or emotionally or mentally or socially or spiritually; for me all 5)
If HE did it for me; I know HE will do it for you… Why? because HE is true to HIS Word and desires to be faithful in a person’s life
When? in HIS timing; so difficult to wait I know (took years for me) maybe for you quicker than my experience
How? in small and grand ways along the journey; sometimes miraculously
Who? you (for you do have regard for the weak)
Where? inside you
I know I went through what I went through to be a help/support to others weaker… This is ultimately the outcome from what I didn’t think was fair, what I didn’t understand, why I was abandoned, why I was often alone in my trauma and not knowing why GOD wasn’t there bringing me through like I knew HE could; why it wasn’t right a way – yet waited for me to learn mercy and compassion at the core of who I am now… HE took me through the depths of darkness to reach out to anybody now with profound faith, hope, and love… with confidence in HIM and who HE is and what I now know HE can/will do…
Much of my trauma was self-inflicted (so full of guilt and shame) from turning away from GOD in rebellious youthful sin and desires being as lost as one can be. Yet I turned to HIM and HE still answered me… me? why me? why HE didn’t abandon me further? why did HE not leave me in my sin? HIS love is greater than anyone can know or fathom… Now I live to show HIS love I know and continue to attempt to fathom… If I didn’t learn through painful depths to know HIS love, mercy, and compassion; then how would I know HIM as HE is and learn that I could reach those who may be in need… HE will choose and use the weak and unlearned to profound the strong and wise… There is so much darkness and cruelty in this world. HE takes some of us through trauma and darkness so we can be a light that shines in it as HE rescues precious children, men, and women that need HIM… sometimes to reveal what HIS love is through us… We choose to pray for and be there present and intercede for them because we know… we understand… we will stand for them… we will choose to love… we will choose purity… we will love purely… Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see GOD (Matthew 5:8)…
You’re not a failure… You’re more than a conqueror through HIM who gives you strength… When you are weak come to HIM for rest… When you can’t do it anymore, wait on HIM for renewed strength… HE is faithful to HIS Word even when we are not…
Oh and let’s look at Psalm 41 vs. 4
I said, “Have mercy on me, Lord; heal me, for I have sinned against you.”
What if we have sinned in some way!! Well I asked the LORD for mercy and to heal me of course… And so, HE healed me… me… and you?… you too!!!…
Ok! So you just got the wave from HIS ocean that was building within me to reach the shore of those needing mercy that will also be a blog post for my website that I have been wanting to write on Psalm 41 for a long, long while… I wrote this for you for sure; yet it is also for anyone else needing encouragement as well…
dim are the fame lights sought compared to the Light of Life
strife fought in your heart, soul, and mind
entwined and caught up in what hurts: alcohol, drugs, lust, depression, abuse, suicidal ideation, mental illness
stillness is wrought, call on HIM, JESUS Christ, the Name above every name
same yesterday, today, and forever -a Love to take away your pain
slain on the cross taking your sin and shame by HIS blood outpoured removing every stain
blame you feel even from what others did or do, in childhood when first ensued -now pursue
New life, new start, new day awaits that HE recreates
Fates no longer left to chance for HE promises a hope and future
Nurture to restore your soul, renew your mind, revive your heart, replenish your spirit
lit within with the Light of Love that never ends and never severs
Forevers a step away even if stumbling and a word aptly spoken brings hope even if broken
awoken from a nightmare who will keep you from falling headlong and not turn you away to shun
run into HIS open arms who protects and heals from all that harms you inside
Inside set free and if the SON sets you free you’ll be free indeed
Deed of who you are written in the Book of Life and in HIS scarred palm
Calm of your storm when you call on HIS Name and believe in your heart GOD raised HIM from the dead
Led to the Savior to taste and see HIS goodness delighting in HIM will soon receive the desires of your heart
Impart what you’ve always wanted, more is needed, to fulfill the deep calls to deep, the deeper for the Keeper of your soul, the deepest for knowing whose the Key to the best kept secret
Let ME in as I AM knocks on your heart’s door
Yours to own love found in HIM; all that is yours is HIS and all that’s HIS is yours
How do I start to express what is in my heart? The gravity of certain situations pull on my soul that compels me to plead with God to bring HIS healing touch and to show up in a way they will know they are loved and can find hope, faith, and the love they need to continue to live, to fight, and to expect better for their future. It’s their right to survive and go beyond to thrive… Stay alive! why? because I said so and more than that to know JESUS who will show you greater love… Stay alive!! why? because I know there is a hope and future waiting… Stay alive!!!… God loves you, is there present with you even when you don’t see or feel HIM, will help you overcome and fight your battles for you, will never leave nor forsake you, prove you’re not alone, and bring you out of dark into Light…
How do I express I love you to all that I reach out to? I say “I love you” and mean it which resides deep within from HIS love for me and how HE’s helped me through the darkness that I want you so desperately to know for yourself. In my heart and mind, they are not weak words, but a great compassion that I’ve been given to which I don’t want to hold back, hide away, nor pretend isn’t there. I love-love those who have been abused for this love grew within me when God granted me the experiences to work and serve with children and youth in an emergency shelter for over 2 years who were sexually abused, the worse kind of abuse a child can go through. I lived with them in the home for 4 days of each week helping them through their episodes, their fears at night, their nightmares, and their trust issues. I was there to greet them in the morning, make them meals, take them to school, help them with homework, take them to special outings, encourage and support them. This was life changing for me to learn how to love these precious children. Any of you who have been abused, I have a special love for you and always will… I have a special love and bond with those I served with who taught me how to love and care in a deeper way, have faith to believe in God to heal, take away nightmares, and bring hope into their hearts and souls and make a way for a brighter future. At that time, I was learning to be a father figure to those who were not biologically mine. I have that willingness to adopt anyone needing a loving father to love, care, support, and encourage them in their life who may not have those things evidenced or experiencing now in their life. Do you need a loving dad? I will be that for you. Why? God has given me a heart for orphans and those abused for this is HIS heart He’s shared with me and put in me to have. God has given me a heart for those who have mental illness and depression for I too have experienced these struggles and setbacks along the way. I love you… God loves you… I believe the greater your hurt and pain, the greater your compassion to help others will be… I believe the greater abuse you have experienced, the greater capacity you have to depend on, trust in, and love God more than others ever will… I believe that you have a hope and a future HE will show you, lead you in, and give to you…
I’m holding on to you… through prayer, through faith, through belief, through the typing of words I hope you know are true… Will you hold on too!!… God HIMSELF is holding on to you with HIS mighty right hand lifting you up out of the pit from being stuck and will place you on the Rock of Salvation to stand firm in faith, in belief, in hope, in undying love… Reach for HIS hand who is trustworthy and faithful to keep you, love you, accept you, heal you, rescue you, and redeem you… HE will answer you if you ask for help continually… HE will find you if you seek HIM for HIS help crying out continually… HE will answer you if you keep knocking on the door and open your heart to HIM continually… Don’t stop, Don’t give up, Don’t end your precious life…
Change your perspective to that of being or for the first time becoming HIS daughter or son and begin to:
Rejoice always,pray without ceasing,give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Let your life find the freedom you are yearning for and desire to have by continuing to live on… There is great reward on the other side of the pain, hurt, sadness, illness;…
I am not ashamed to say “I love you” to those in need of it the most… You are who I am called and chosen to love…
When you feel yourself so far away, call out to HIM…
If you need help, get help. You can also call me if you want and I’ll be there for you and listen. 806-781-0810
If you feel lost, afraid, broken, unable to fight, HE is there for you to hold you and carry you…
Always praying… Always believing… Always waiting… Always protecting… Always trusting… Always hoping… Always persevering… Always loving… for you… even when you feel you can’t…
