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What is Forgiveness?
I did not like the definition of forgive in the Merriam Webster dictionary due in part that it said “cease to feel”. To forgive someone or yourself is more than that and also different than that. I believe you can forgive, yet still feel the hurt and pain until a process of healing takes place over time where feelings about it begin to diminish and for some the feeling may never fully go away. There is more hope then to have the ability to forgive if we know that feelings involved may still linger on… The good news is that GOD is willing, available, and able to help us forgive if we are struggling with this very thing.
So I looked up the Greek word of forgive. It is aphíēmi.
It comes from the root word apo and híēmi.
ἀπό apó, apo’ means:
a primary particle; “off,” i.e. away (from something near), in various senses (of place, time, or relation; literal or figurative):—(X here-)after, ago, at, because of, before, by (the space of), for(-th), from, in, (out) of, off, (up-)on(-ce), since, with.
ἵημι híēmi means:
(to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eîmi, to go)
So let’s think of forgive as even just these 2 words separately (apó) and (híēmi)
If we choose apó, then we may take “off” and move “away” (from something near) in various senses (of place, time, or relation). Then if we choose híēmi, we may “send” it away in order “to go” forward…
This is so good what to forgive does for us.
Here is what it looks like: I forgive __________ to take “off” this hurt done to me and move “away” from it. I “send” it away in order “to go” forward…
Here is a new way to approach an experience of forgiving as a decision made with this process now in mind to do and an action within the heart to occur:
Ex. 1
I will forgive __________ because I need to take the abuse that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from ___________ and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others. I “send” this abuse away to YOU GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start… Begin to heal me within…
Ex. 2
I will forgive myself because I need to take the addiction that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from addiction and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others. I “send” this addiction away to GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…
Ex. 3
I will forgive __________ because I need to take the rejection that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from the act of rejection by ___________ and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others. I “send” this rejection I’ve experienced away to GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…
When combined together, here is the meaning:
ἀφίημι aphíēmi, af-ee’-ay-mee;
from apo G575 and ἵημι híēmi (to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eîmi, to go); to send forth, in various applications (as follow):—cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.
What is allowed:
I cry. I cry because of what ____________ has done to me. I cry in release from _____________ in order to forgive _____________. I cry now that _______________ has no hold on me. I cry to begin my healing journey.
I forgive__________ for what he’s done/ she’s done/ they’ve done/ I’ve done.
I can forsake my abuser/ my addiction now that I’ve forgiven.
I lay aside what was done to me by _____________ since I’ve forgiven ____________.
I leave ____________ in the past because I’ve forgiven _____________ for a new beginning.
I let alone/be/go/have what was done to me by ______________ to be in my past for I’ve forgiven _______________ and move on so my present begins healing on into my future.
I omit __________ from my life now that I’ve forgiven _____________ who no longer will have a hold on me.
I put (send) away ___________ from affecting my life any longer since I have forgiven _______________.
I remit what _____________ has cause in my life for I forgive ________________.
I suffer due to what ______________ did, but I forgive ______________ so that my suffering will let me grow in all areas to be a better person for myself and others.
I yield up ______________ to you now GOD to deal with, now that I’ve forgiven _________________.
Forgiveness then is letting go of the hurt and pain caused by another, others, or oneself:
- to start anew
- to begin the healing process
- to drop the heavy load you’ve been carrying
- to break off the hold another or others have had on you that is bringing you down
- to be free from the mental anguish, internal conflicts, and/or suicidal ideation
- to becoming more free from the emotional fears, anxieties, anger, depression in order to deal with life positively and effectively
- to allow for grieving (5 stages: denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)
- to move on from toxic relationships
- to move on past self-harm and/or addiction
-
to accept, care for, and love yourself
-
to love others and have meaningful and special relationships
- to love GOD
Be Forgiven To Forgive
GOD lets us know we are all in need of ultimate forgiveness and this is accomplished by recognizing our need for our own forgiveness, asking HIM for forgiveness, and believing in and trusting in HIS SON JESUS to come into our hearts to save us and help us live a new life:
22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. Romans 3: 22-26
You may be afraid to come to the LORD because of your own sin (it is too much, your guilt is to heavy, and your shame is unbearable), yet HE wants you to come and be forgiven:
How can you know for sure you’re forgiven and saved:
But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim:
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:8-10
Who is forgiveness for:
for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13
John 3:16-17
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
GOD in HIS Word tells us to forgive others:
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
What happens when you forgive as GOD wants you to? You are still angry about what the person/people have done? GOD says in HIS Word that HE will deal with that person/people:
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19
After accepting JESUS and now being forgiven, what happens if I sin again not wanting to. Every Believer is going to sin after receiving JESUS as LORD and Savior. Because of your relationship being reconciled to GOD, you are now able to confess your sin to HIM and not hide it. HE will forgive you and purify you when turning back to HIM with a repentant heart desiring for restored relationship. Then walk again being forgiven.
Hebrews 12:4-7
God Disciplines His Children
4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children…
Hebrews 4:15-16
15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Examples of Forgiveness
You may have a family member or close friend that wronged you in some way, but you don’t want GOD to repay with a vengeance. Can you forgive someone close to you and pray that GOD would have mercy on them?
Yes! A resounding yes…
Read about Moses, after getting the Ten Commandments, was told by GOD that HIS people HE rescued out of slavery from Egypt, had made an idol to worship instead of remembering GOD and what HE had done for them. GOD was ready to punish them and said HE would put them to death and start over. Moses prayed and asked GOD to not hold it against them and to remember HIS covenant and what HE had done to deliver HIS people. GOD listened to Moses and relented.
You may have a family member/members that wronged you in some way and GOD will use you to bring about good for the one or all involved. There may be a future story of you being used of GOD to rescue, restore, provide, or protect in some way.
Read about Joseph who was mistreated and rejected by his brothers, sold into slavery, and then rise to leadership by Pharaoh in Egypt. GOD used Joseph to save his family from a widespread famine and ultimately forgive his brothers of their wrongdoing accepting them and their families with places to live in Egypt.
You may have been used by a sibling that took from your parent in some way and you received nothing or less than.
Read about when Esau Forgives Jacob after Jacob returns during a long time away from Esau. Jacob had fled when he learned Esau wanted to kill him for taking away his birthright and then later took his father’s blessing away from Esau as well.
You may have sinned greatly causing much harm to yourself and another/others. You are discouraged and don’t know if GOD will forgive “this”.
Read about David and Bathsheba where David sees her bathing and sends messenger for her to come and lay with him. He finds out she becomes pregnant while her husband Uriah is out fighting in the war. He tries to cover up his offense at Uriah’s expense. When Uriah is not cooperative with David’s plan, David orders that Uriah be put on the front lines and then have the army withdraw so that he dies. Nathan confronts David about his sin. David turns to the LORD in repentance and asks for forgiveness. GOD forgives David, but there are consequences for his selfish sin. Now the child they conceived together dies. GOD restores David and blesses him and Bathsheba when HE allows them to bear another son named Solomon.
Focus For Forgiveness
Here is a model prayer to pray to GOD for forgiveness from extreme guilt and shame of the greatest of sin we may have committed:
Psalm 51
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Power of Forgiveness
I have been changed by GOD’s forgiveness of my many sins. I have learned from HIM by HIS extending to me forgiveness through HIS grace, mercy, and compassion. Because of this change that has taken place within me, I am more apt to extend grace to others, to show mercy with cheerfulness, to listen with compassion, and to readily encourage others who need this. I know HIS love more for me and I am able to love HIM and others in return. I am now able to forgive others quickly and it be a regular response I have, since I was forgiven of so many sins, failures, and poor decisions in my own life.
Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to eat. And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, and stood at His feet behind Himweeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, “This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”
Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” Luke 7:36-50
I so love this story of JESUS forgiving this distraught woman who so powerfully showed love to HIM… A person who is forgiven much loves much! When you’re forgiven, you become a more loving person to GOD and to others…
Science of Forgiveness
Click the link below and read the full review about Forgiveness:
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley: Forgiveness
The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley covers the following topics:
What is Forgiveness? Why Practice It? How Do I Cultivate It?
It is well worth the read and has science based research about forgiveness.
Here is some of the information from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley:
What Is Forgiveness?
We can learn about it from what forgiveness is not:
- it’s not glossing over or denying the seriousness of the offense against you
- it’s not having to forget the offense nor accepting/excusing the offense as ok/right
- it’s not having to reconcile with the person who harmed you especially in the case of abuse
- it’s not releasing them from legal accountability in the case of severe wrongs
Why Practice It?
Here are just a few benefits:
- makes us happier
- protects our mental health
- improves our health
- sustains relationships
- good for marriages
- boosts kindness and connectedness
How Do I Cultivate It?
Here are just a few ways:
- it’s something you do for you, not a gift for someone else (though I do believe you can also gift someone with forgiveness if your heart is to reconcile or help them too)
- express your emotions to yourself and to others
- consider what you’ve learned from what happened to you -if there has been something positive gained from it
- practice empathy
- practice mindfulness of hurt feelings to choose forgiveness more readily
- understand forgiveness is a process
