Come to ME

 

How are you?  Really!?…  I pray for you…  I’m here for you!!… Sincerely…

How am I thought of?  I wonder.  How am I seen?  Maybe real and genuine.  Maybe off base and peculiar.  How do I come across?  Maybe human and down to earth.  Maybe human and troubled.  Maybe human with a spiritual connection to GOD and Heaven…  Probably a little of each component that makes up my whole being with much left unexplored and unknown…

My preferred way of communication is poetry.  If you have any familiarity with my site, it is engulfed by poems.  Some are simple and to the point and you understand where I’m coming from.  Some are complicated and confusing and you don’t understand what I’m talking about.

The simple and to the point come from a heightened awareness of GOD, HIS love, and times of peaceful recollection, remembrance, and restoration of HIS work in my life…  A tranquil day in the sun…  The complicated and confusing come from a darkened depression turned to mental illness in processing the lonely, anxiety ridden, and fearfully prolonged moments of a life trying to manage everything after being suicidal and making an actual attempt. A chaotic storm in the middle of the darkest night.

Maybe I need to write more like this; acquainting with you in paragraph form, thought by thought sequence, conversation style, letting you in more so to know some of my soul, to know me as a fellow human living this life to overcome and be a fighter still pressing on no matter what comes my way; facing it head on with courage and strength -even though I’m weak…

I have tried to convey faith, hope, and love in writing on this here blog to inspire, encourage, and support those struggling with depression, mental illness, abuse, and/or suicidal thoughts…  Has it made a difference for anyone?  I don’t really know.  I hope so…  not for my benefit, but for theirs and for yours…

My faith is in JESUS who is my Savior, my Redeemer, my KING of kings and LORD of lords…  My hope is in GOD the FATHER for grace and mercy in times of need…  My love works in and through me by HIS Spirit…  My faith is that you find faith in HIM too…  My hope is that you will hope in HIM too…  My love for and from HIM is for you to find HIS love too…  Faith, hope, and love remain…  And most prominently love is greater than all… And most assuredly love never fails…  HIS lovingkindness endures forever…  HIS mercy endures forever…

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  Luke 6:45

Why do I talk so much about JESUS and spiritual things?  After what HE’s miraculously done with my fallen and broken life, how can I not speak of HIM who overflows my heart and sustains my life…  My life has been radically changed by GOD’s love for me and has made an eternally positive difference all because of JESUS…  So I include HIM in all that I say in some way… Maybe there are those who are turned off by this.  I don’t know.  Maybe there are those who haven’t experienced HIS love and care as of now up to this point, thus being foreign to them and unknown. Maybe there are those who feel let down or abandoned by GOD and blame HIM for all that is wrong in their life.  Maybe there are those who just don’t know what to think or feel about all this.  Is GOD real?  If HE is, will HE help me?  Will HE be there for me?  Will HE see me through the darkness and hard things in this life?  Will HE not abandon me to myself and all that is within that consumes and drowns me?

All of the answers to these questions are “yes” in HIS timing and way…  Now will you only trust HIM and believe… If you do, your life will change and you will find new strength and purpose for a future and a hope… If you do, then you open yourself up to HIS help, to HIS forgiveness, to HIS love, and to HIS comfort and care…  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us… Ephesians 3:20

GOD wants you to come to HIM, to know HIM, to make HIM known, and to love you and through you show love to others;  saved and found by JESUS… “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.  As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’  Acts 17:24-28

These truths you can believe, trust, and build your very life upon… Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Timothy  1: 15-17

Are you ready to begin a new journey into freedom by HIS grace and mercy at work in your life?  HE will be redeeming your past, restoring your present, and replenishing you onward into the future and a hope HE has prepared since the beginning before you were even conceived in your mother’s womb and born to face the challenges and brokenness of life moving forward with faith to believe and trust, with hope as an anchor for your soul, and with love HE pours into you by HIS Spirit to now and forever love HIM and love others too…  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22: 37-39

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Have you ever wanted someone to be your friend always and forever?  To be there in the most dark and difficult times?  To be there going through what you’re going through? To never have to be alone?  To bring you to a safe and secure place providing for all your needs?  JESUS meets that need and desire…  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” —Hebrews 13:5

 

How are you?  Really!?  I pray for you…  I am here for you!!…  Sincerely…

Jeff Watts

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Yet

 

Salvation believed

Inspiration received

Adoration achieved

Emancipation relieved

Captivation conceived

 

I may be quiet

Yet 

My mind is thinking of You and all that is Thine

 

I may be silent

Yet

My heart is beating for and with You together to dine

 

I may be resting

Yet

My body is needing Your touch so kind

 

I may be calm

Yet

My soul is yearning for You to restore all that is mine

 

I may be tranquil

Yet

My spirit is awaiting for You to refill within that I may shine

 

I may be of few words

Yet

I can’t thank You enough from deep inside

 

I may be very tired

Yet

I come to You for You within to reside

 

I may not be meditating on Your words often

Yet 

I want to hide them in my heart to always abide

 

I may be depressed

Yet

I continue on in faith, hope, and love so above it again will I rise

 

I may not have that look of joy

Yet

I have Your peace surpassing all understanding guarding my heart and mind

 

I may rarely laugh

Yet

I am serious with prayer and fighting for our family and others each night

 

I may not see You with my eyes

Yet

I believe by faith to please You with hope to no longer deny and love even when life goes awry

 

I may have questions

Yet

I trust You even if I never get answers to why

 

I may still have anxiety and fear at times

Yet

I will walk humbly, seek justice, and love mercy laying down pride

 

I may still await dreams to come true

Yet 

I will let the outcomes that from Your hands in Your plans will decide

 

I may wander some though wiser

Yet

I will learn to walk with You beside

 

I may not like Your discipline in my life

Yet

I discern You love me and I must die to self as You lead and guide

 

I may be weak

Yet

You are my strength and in You I find a Refuge in which to hide

 

I may think too much of past failure

Yet

I will do my best to forget what is behind, press on to run so as to win the prize, continue to fight the good fight with grace and mercy supplied

 

I may not be where I need to be at midlife

Yet

I will learn to do right with Your Word in me applied

 

I may not always be pleasing in Your sight

Yet

I have come so far by Your power and love at work in me comprised

 

I may not have many friends

Yet

I know in You I can always come to confide

 

I may not have overcome to be more than a conqueror

Yet

I will fix my eyes on You until I have arrived in Your arms open wide

 

I may not be mature

Yet

I trust You that I will come forth as gold tried and purified

 

I may not be ready to take on more with ministry

Yet 

I wait on You to work within me continually until qualified

 

I may have stumbled more numerous than I’d like to admit

Yet

I have always turned back to You, called on Your name, and on You alone relied

 

I may have come close to a tragic end

Yet

I have known Your miracle and healing ways that have surprised

 

I may have to go through another episode I really don’t want to face

Yet

I have come to know You are faithful to respond to my cries until it will subside

 

I may have enemies that for my hurt and end have come against

Yet

I know GOD works it all for my good despite how they may undermine

 

How

How can

An answer to YOUR call

Turn to pride before a fall

As confidence in YOU

Turns to breaking me in two

With strength and no fear

Turns to fear again so near

Full of the Spirit in sweet release

Turns to anxieties that increase

YOUR armor all around as a protective hedge

Turns to my life teetering on the edge

By faith moving forward

Turns to relapse stepping backward

In YOUR perfect love secure

Turns to depression stuck and insecure

 

How can

I return to answer YOUR call

Turn and submit to purposely fall

Face down yielding my life to YOU anew

Turn in brokenness to YOU be true

My strength (not my own) rests in YOU to bring breakthrough beyond the fear

Turn to acknowledge (not anything I’ve done) that YOU have brought me this far as I draw near

Refreshed in the Spirit freed from fear; returns (the surpassing all understanding) peace

Turn to give you thanks (Your compassion is beyond understanding) for a renewed life’s lease

Continue to put on YOUR armor as a protective privilege

Turn to surrender all my life to honor, glorify, and praise YOU my pledge

By faith in humility and understanding move forward

Turn to remember HIS grace in my walk and to love HIS mercy when feeling backward

In YOUR perfect love again secure

Turn to YOU daily, deny myself, and carry my cross to be pure

Open

Eyes open

Word spoken

Recollect broken

Youthful lust once fond of left in ruin

Turn away from again to look with HIS Light newly see upon

Now PURE freedom

Won for me in the SON

 

Mind open

Word spoken

Recollect broken

Schizo-fragments stuck in rewind relived on and on as peace is far from flung

Thoughts to renew and to choose overcoming faith to fill-up again with the living once more walk among

Now SOUND freedom

Won for me in the SON

 

Heart open

Word spoken

Recollect broken

Fear ridden unwanted bond

For HIS unfailing love again still respond

Now REVIVED freedom

Won for me in the SON

 

Soul open

Word spoken

Recollect broken

Lost and tormented correspond

For HIS needed compassion in life’s race again to run

Now RESTORED freedom

Won for me in the SON

 

Spirit open

Word spoken

Recollect broken

Chains imprisoned all hope but disappeared gone barely holding on trying to delight in HIM alone clung

For HIS mercy thirsty awaiting to soar again above the storm beyond

Now RESURRECTED freedom

Won for me in the SON

Live…

 

Yet we live on…

until the devil meets his match that GOD our FATHER strikes its end… set aflame, far from us expulsion disbanded -no longer with fiery darts targeting at our hearts aim

our faith he can’t catch; crush his head then fallen into lake of fire send… let tame his evil compulsion stranded -no longer with tiring accusations marketing at our minds blame

Because we live on and on…

set free he can’t snatch; secure in the Savior’s care and the FATHER’s strongest hands tend… debt/shame gone as peace and grace rush in granted -no longer with firing arrows darkening to our souls maim

beyond the grave deep within is Heaven attached; await a future hope prepared above where we fully mend… met mercy anew every morning propulsion open handed -made stronger desiring eternity harkening to our spirits claim

So we will live on and on and on…

 

At My Worst~To Better than I was at First

Fallen deep pit

Hidden pitch black

Walled in steep outwit

Forbidden niche lack

All alone sit

Sudden despair attack

On my own unfit

Backslidden rebellion retract

Mood swings low until hollow only the negativity transmit

Suicidal thoughts screams overthrow into mind hack

Guilt and shame drown with an attempt as reality hit

Stunned in shock with voice stolen by enemy flak

Fear overwhelmed almost overtaken by demons as I waited in transit

Overcome was my soul out of whack

Hell made real stuck between good vs. evil with personality split

 

Sullen weep uplift

Freedom bring back

Called within;  keep lit

Seventy x seven forgiven;  does it make up the slack

Failure of wrongs confess to HIM admit

Open door of hope impact

A 3 chord strand of rope equipped

Burden of apprehension weigh upon unpack

Light of love shone won’t quit

Broken and contrite as a matter of fact

Healing the rift between my heart, soul, and spirit

Kingdom care steer on track

Given a sound mind again as I renew it

Heaven’s destination remind where treasures stack with compassions destiny mine to be exact

Faith to live on now the pre-requisite

 

 

 

 

 

Passerby

I found this song after I wrote the poem below:

 

Just a passerby

Had I known why

You cry in the night

A pause in my day light

I’d stand beside

Walk with you in the fight

Lead you to hold HIS hand tight

Healing to be found despite the fright

 

Just a passerby

Had I any insight

You stuck in wrongs plight

A pause for prayer to make right

I’d help you understand forgiveness as snow pure white

Standing to intercede with High Priest from Heaven’s height

Lead you to find freedom inside

Healing to be found no longer to hide

 

Just a passerby

Had no one took the time for me nearby

I was unable to fly away into open sky

A pause finds depression stuck in negative thoughts gone awry

You’d have said or thought there’s no hope if I’d confide

Crawling toward silence in my demise wandering into darkness of suicide

Lead me to remember in whom I can confide

Healing to be found where my haunting fears subside

 

Just a passerby

Had You given up on me?  All Your help deny??

I called on You in faith lost and alone despite

A pause with broken spirit heart contrite

You’d answer my prayer to rescue and not despise

Carrying me upon Your shoulder home after finding me leaving ninety-nine

Lead me to safe green pasture… in You I begin to delight

Healing to be found restoring my soul into new life until my spirit reignite no longer on my own left behind to die