Archive for the ‘mental illness’ Category

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Sneak peek critique interpret

Peak interest in HIS Mystique infinity;  accept accrue identity

Friends of faith (pre-requisite) didn’t give up and quit

Pleas rise from your infirmity

Let down as a paralytic

HE speaks inside the Word spoken a remedy

Your sins HE forgives quick

Release -pick up your mat and walk in HIS affinity

 

Sneak peek critique desperate

Peak interest in HIS Mystique willingly;  accept true identity

You’re your own worst critic

Knees bend broken and contrite what pleases HIM to see

Agree to receive your get out of jail free ticket

East to West free from Your sins cast beneath to bottom of the sea

HE breaks your chains to forgive to forget it 

Lease new life as tears fall in salinity

HE stands at the door to unlock it

Keys for a hope and a future in eternity 

Not just the present of whats left in your pocket

Flees the fear within into HIS perfect love intimately

 

Sneak peek critique interpret

Peak interest in HIS Mystique imminently;  accept new identity

Are you HIS own worst cynic

Esteem HIM not unclearly, may be afraid and weary, maybe blame and leery, may be contrary and angry merely

Don’t believe, understand, or agree because of all the hypocrites

Deed to your life won’t you give over to your deepest need for a Savior who bleeds love sincerely

Faith sought as HE dies for you on a cross like a criminal mimic, yet innocent grit and bear it to remit

Lead to the tomb after buried 3 days became empty

Hope caught up for HE is victorious over death arise to win it

Heed HIS voice to come follow the Way, the Truth, and the Life in synchronicity

Love brought about when HE gave HIS very life in pursuit of your mind, heart, soul, and spirit

Believe in HIS Name, conceive that your soul is HIS treasure, perceive that HE paid the price for it if you just receive

HE weaves faith, hope, and love to rescue, restore, and redeem every second and every minute

Renew with your mind to know HIS will complete

See with your heart to delight in HIM for desires to be relit

Breathe with your soul to dream a new dream

Soar by HIS Spirit (a deposit within for Heaven guarantee) with vision and purpose pure and legit

See with and walk by faith in the Trinity

True Identity

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Spiritual in the Center

 

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I admit I lost my way

A long time before

I walked away

There was nothing more

A youth to the world did sway

Nothing more to live for

My whole life bent toward decay

Within alone losing a war

Without HIM falling astray

With all of me closing doors

Saying my goodbye that day

No longer a prayer towards

Downward spiral hides sun’s rays

Carried by waves far from shore

Darkness overtakes where demons play

Losing hold of reality to ignore

Thoughts in mind collide into a daze

No longer eating much in store

Thoughts in mind attack into a haze

Depression has reached the core

Mental illness enters a new phase

Suicidal encompasses every pore

No longer can make it out of the maze

A call for help is made too late implore

Dark night of the soul crippling tase

Leave to attempt suicide ending the uproar

A compromised life with past of guilt and shame in fear at did gaze

 

I recommit to find HIS way

Even though worse off than before

I cry out from far away

There in the distance I want HIM more

A youth Heavenward don’t want to sway

Faith, wavering, believe more to live for

My whole life vent for HIM to save from decay

Within alone, only for HIM invite to fight my war

Without others to help, HE seeks this lost sheep astray

With all of me knocking for HIM to open my heart’s door

Reunion to come inside being there for me every day

Weaker, but stronger in prayer towards

Lifting me up from the pit to see again sun’s rays

Walks on water rescuing from drowning leading me to shore

Darkness is Light to HIM and the demons will flee from play

Winning HE holds my reality and doesn’t ignore

Renewing my mind to get out of a daze

Eating meals again to regain strength in store

Fight the good fight thinking on truth to see through the haze

Depression lifting for HE has reached into my core

With mental illness, HE is strong entering into redemptions phase

Desiring to live right anew with grace, mercy, and compassion releasing from every pore

Now stronger HE leads me into the land of the living out of the maze

A call on HIS name saves me and wasn’t too late for HIM when I’d implore

HE is ever ready and willing to enter the dark night of the soul healing from what did tase

Retrieved me after my attempt from suicide ending the uproar

A new life for a hope and a future free of guilt and shame without fear into HIS eyes will gaze

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Once walked along without a care

Once ran around real fast ready a dare

Once slept dreaming of another day… now rare

 

Then walked broken hearted

When confidence in departed

Been wishing to go back where it started

 

Fell into depression’s futile trance ridden of hope’s stride no longer find; fail to my health reapply deeply shy with no one to whom confide ever more and more withdrawn;  needed to humbly ask the ONE who will reveal an answer

Fell into a victim’s neutral stance hidden to cope inside though conjure denied; curtail my stealth reside -confined weeping; try to come back alive tether more and more foregone;  needed to humbly seek the ONE for a remedy from the cancer

Fell into lowest esteem and no youthful dance; forbidden to mope resigned so maunder unkind rail against myself pry keeping pride to bide my time however more and more wrong;  needed to humbly knock to be open to the ONE who rescues from disaster

 

Sink in deepest pit, quick trip, land unable to see the light in darkest of night

Sink in steepest sin, in quicksand, unstable reprieve with fright in starkness of plight

Sink in bleakness dim, a quick whim unplanned; disable to leave life pinned regardless of suicide

 

All I could do to look up heavenward and call on HIS name one day to be redeemed steering where I’ll mend; restore with new faith in Maker within… securely toward for others to newly see

All I could do to hold on to be reassured until wall of shame pervade to be free not fearing the end; implore with new hope anchor within… purely to mentor others truly in need

All I could do to keep up and believe occurred until relit aflame persuade to be devotee nearing an open door continuing on with love clangor within… sincerely to award others duly in deed

 

Reminder of the mud and mire where I would wallow solo

Turn back to HIM in repentance from being shallow to now follow

Mercy, grace, and compassion filled the hollow after many a blow

 

Once again I walk along this time with HIS care and my cross to bear

Once again I run the race this time for HIM alone I’ll dare to share 

Once again I dream now while awake in each new day unto HIM not so rare more aware

 

Found faith to go on as a searcher finding within freedom

Found hope to know of a future guiding in HIS Kingdom

Found love to grow from Whom will nurture abiding into a beacon lead ‘em

 

Faith, hope, and love is needed through every high and low

Faith, hope, and love remain to forever show

The greatest of these is love to eternally overflow

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I know the rise and fall

I know my demise and HIS call

Will I arise to follow with my all or wallow just to stall

Choose to be wise chosen or who I am defeats; hides unopened

 

I know standing at HIS commanding and in the pit landing amiss stranding

I know sinking expanding and faltering blinking for help demanding

Will I live or will I die

Choose to give or stay awry

 

I know to press on in forward humble motion and the stress from backward stumble demotion

I know to address the cause of Christ in devotion and to digress a pause of thrice commotion

Will I be one who will blaze a trail or be one who still strays to only fail

Choose to gaze at HIS eyes entail to prevail or stuck in a haze to then derail

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me rise to answer HIS call submitting to extend for others to do the same

I now know HE’s the only One who hears my cries to answer when I fall uplifting me to mend though I’m to blame

I now know I will follow the only One who saves souls as wise to answer by knitting within eternity for whoever calls on HIS Name

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me stand on the Rock of Salvation commanding contrite obey;  guiding 77 x 7 resurrection’s forgiven to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who delivers from the pit with Mighty Right hand; secures chock concentration abandoning fright away; abiding to listen with detections mission closer to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who is the reason I will live with open hand; give stock elation notwithstanding any plight dismay; igniting faith, hope, and love given anew and unto HIM

 

I now know HE’s the only One who moves me by HIS Spirit firsthand to take stock with HIS rations banding together to fight the good fight each day; inciting justice to lend course corrections driven by truth in love through HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who has a Master’s plan for HIS flock since creation longstanding, despite shame denying detections I even knew HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who makes a way in the desert sand; knock to open hydration streams in the wasteland bring sight always providing reflections into HIM

 

Arise Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again

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But everything exposed by the light becomes visible–and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”  Ephesians 5:13-14

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To whom one confides as an angel in disguise

Touched with her words, listened with her eyes

Approached out of nowhere exuding kindness toward

Calmed by her presence as she chose to not ignore

I wasn’t strong rather very weak without question

Weaker than I’d ever been up to then I never did mention

You were one who took the time to talk so open

Soft and gentle words encouraged when spoken

To be heard in uncertainty and confusion

A life giving spirit breaking through the delusion

A small action that was given to bring about future rewarding investment in me

For new life to once again be a possibility

Nothing felt on the outside

Yet touched nevertheless inside

Your face of compassion intent on understanding with love to impart

It must come from the LORD welling up from the depths of your heart

Glad you were there

A few minutes to share

Like a lifetime aware

Release from burdens heavy to bear

You showed you care

Brought a spark to my heart for repair

Brought hope to my soul in despair

Brought light to confront the darkness dare

There to share your gift from the start with such a unique expression arrayed

Etched in my soul and spirit in gratitude receiving quite an everlasting impression made

You were doing your job maybe even going out of your way, an extra mile per se

As shifts would change, I’d wish you were the one who’d stay to continue hearing sweet words you’d say

For it was you who brought rays of light and hope to the day

Uplifting my countenance from a deep pit of depression that you somehow did overlay

Sun shine, birds singing, therapy session, you smiling for me to be brave as you went away

 

Meredith, a God send, approached out of my nowhere by sitting near me and broke through my brokenness.  It was during my 1st hospitalization in a psych unit after my suicide attempt.  She brought me hope that somehow gained entrance into my heart, soul, mind, and spirit.  I was eternally made different because of the compassion she showed me.  One visiting angel appearing for a few moments in time changed the outlook and course of my life toward a positive redirection…  I would not see her again during my stay there.  However, she did reappear where I later got a job working with abused and neglected children.  She was working there as a counselor/social worker I believe.  I don’t know if she remembered me from our brief encounter previously.  She may never realize just how much her gift of compassion meant to me until Heaven…  Never underestimate your power to make a positive difference in others lives by talking to them in their time of need with encouragement and listening ears…

Do you capitalize the seasons?

Autumn leaves meant to fall

Discarded wind blew

Hovering until 

Let go

Faith found all around

As a tree stand your ground

Even when left bare

In humility towers

Awaiting renewed strength

Above it all

Hold on 

Endure

Persevere

Through the tears

 

Winter snow subsequent fall

Departed sin residue

Covering still

Let know

Forgiveness found surround

As a landscape pure white resound

Even then mercy aware

In lonely hours

Awaiting renewed life

Above it all

Hold on 

Endure

Persevere

Through the fears

 

Spring flowers scent recall

Started open anew

Recovering will

Let grow

Hope found to astound

As a kaleidoscope of color profound

Even been grace to share

In rain showers

Awaiting renewed healing

Above it all

Hold on 

Endure

Persevere

As HE steers

 

Summer sun sent recall

Whole-hearted chosen true

Uncovering instill

Let show

Love found to abound

As a mature response renowned

Even send compassion to care

In warmth empowers

Awaiting renewed purpose and vision

Above it all 

Hold on

Endure

Persevere

Until HE appears

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Depression makes its rare emergence.  No! It isn’t rare at all.  Its a resurgence.  It has only been awhile (a long while when presenting mental illness). It was just off in hiding somewhere in the far reaches of darkness.  I had a good 3 years without it.

I have enjoyed the freedom in the light…  I’ve been walking in the land of the living…  I wasn’t expecting it to be lurking from behind to encounter it once again.  In actuality, it decided to confront me head on within non-threatening circumstances in the presence of others I had not struggled with before and entered quickly into my mind overtaking, next into my heart sinking, and then into my soul threatening.  I thought it had been beaten and overcome once and for all.

Yet here I am facing it, dealing with it, and experiencing it.  This time I am not succumbing to its power or should I say how it can devour strength mentally, emotionally, socially, physically, and spiritually.  This sudden attack was unusually different and less debilitating.

I decided to stay calmer.  I let it happen, but I didn’t give up hope…  I can see the forest through the trees this time.  I was lost in the forest of fears and running into trees it was so dark and devastating before.  I am more aware of it’s feeling of negativity and of heavy weight, but even more aware beyond it and focused on my surroundings…  I am not caving in and I am not withdrawing myself into its cave of darkness. I still have responsibilities to love and care for my family, to work and provide for them, to eat for nourishing my body, and to care for myself in being patient and finding times to rest…

I am aware of HIS light, HIS love, and HIS care for me that I have been able to press on with it, walk onward with it, persevere with it, and endure with it.  Yah, its present, but it doesn’t own me like it once did.  I don’t wear it like an all encompassing shawl blinding my eyes until withdrawing inward self-destructively or as a trench coat in a torrential thunderstorm dragging me down like I once did.  I don’t fester in loathing toward beating myself up like I once did.  It doesn’t overwhelm me toward being suicidal like it once did.

I allow it to teach me where and how I need to grow…  It causes me to stop and evaluate how I am progressing and what needs correcting.  It is making me more humble, working in me maturity, developing within me steadiness, causing me to take it a day at a time, and refocusing me on priorities I want to have at this time in my life…

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t like it.  If GOD wants to use it in me for good however, then so be it.  I will wade through the waters, to get to a desired destination.  I will let it run its course, a river I won’t drown in this time…  I will let it set afire, flames that won’t destroy me this time…  I will be molded as clay into a more useful human being in HIS hands…  I will live on and let go of that which I don’t need to hold onto anymore rising again above any ashes that may remain…  I will walk by faith and not by sight…  I will walk in hope with HIS Light…  I will walk in love with HIS might broken and contrite…

So with this depression’s emergence, what emerges is more faith, hope, and love to carry onward…  So with this depression’s resurgence, what resurges is more grace, mercy, and compassion for those who are struggling as well in their own battles in being tried and tested…  With the emergence and resurgence, there is an urgency to help others in need…  There is always a lifeline I hold out for you…  Keep fighting and overcoming until light overcomes the darkness…  for you to see life again anew…  No fight is ever wasted…  So perseverance and endurance is better tasted… once you’ve made it through it all and survived… armed with experiences to now thrive and to truly “be there” for others who need a steady and faithful hand to walk with them back into the land of the living…

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  Isaiah 43:2