Archive for the ‘Jesus’ Category

Notice I didn’t include in the title “HAPPY” New Year.  I do want you to be happy, but I know and understand many are not for they are dealing with difficult things even extremely severe pain/despair/loss, suicidal thoughts, and/or mental illness.  You are not alone… I thank all of you who have followed this blog and I’m here for anyone who needs support, encouragement, and care…  Reach out to me anytime!!…

JESUS understands all about whatever you’re facing and HE desires to be there for you in it, through it, and on into new life…

It is officially 2020 and what comes to mind is 20/20 vision which is considered good eyesight for humans to have…  How is your vision now?

Do you look on with faith, hope, and love or doubt, anxiety, and fear?…

If you have faith, hope, and love in JESUS (looking to HIM for your help) despite what circumstances you’re dealing with, you’re trusting HIM through it all no matter what so you can move forward along your journey…

If you have doubt, anxiety, and fear in yourself or others; the circumstances you’re dealing with become overwhelming and make one feel stuck…

What do you want your vision to be this year in 2020?

Can it be directed upward to whom your help comes from ultimately?

Can it change from despair within yourself or from mistrust in others?

Yes, you can change course by bringing everything you are to JESUS who will daily bear your burdens and give your soul rest… then onward, pressing on, to moving forward with HIM as HE leads you into new life…

There is available to every one of us a more perfect vision that is spiritual and action oriented…

I call it KING Vision 17/17…

It is a way of looking at our life in HIS love, through HIS love, and with HIS love for GOD and for others to continually pursue in order to know, to grow, and to show…

JESUS is the KING of kings…

Vision is viewing life with purpose on mission…

17/17 is inspired by Proverbs 17:17 which states firstly “A friend loves at all times…”

JESUS is our friend that is able to love us at all times…

Knowing this helps us love GOD and others at all times…

How about adopting KING Vision 17/17 in this year of 2020 that is better than 20/20 human vision?

At 2 years old, I had a very high fever that wouldn’t break.  I was taken to the hospital and the doctors couldn’t get it down either…  I ended up having seizures and was placed in an ice bath with hopes of bringing the temp down and not succumbing to an early death.  This experience may have contributed to me having a crossed eye and loss of vision.  At 4 years old, I had surgery on my left eye to shorten the muscle so as not to have an extreme cross eye.  I have not had unaided 20/20 vision since…  I needed corrective lenses to help me see better and obtain as close to 20/20 vision as can be had.

If I could have glasses/contacts made that help correct my vision by an optometrist, then wouldn’t it be possible for GOD to correct our spiritual vision in a greater way?  HE has done it for me…  HE can for you too!!…  Nothing is impossible for HIM!!!

Today is the first day of the new year 2020, so many choose to make new year’s resolutions which can lead to positive life-changing results.  More often than not, many resolutions fall by the wayside.

With GOD however, HIS mercies are new every morning, HIS compassions fail not…

You need to know this, so that when new year’s resolutions are met with adversity or failure you may still have hope each new morning…  Yes, today is 1/1/2020.  Yet, remember GOD gives each day as a new start and HIS compassions for you will not fail even when you do fail…

Does your vision for 2020 hold on to only what you’ve done today, for days in a row, for this week, or for even this whole year?

Would you rather have KING Vision 17/17 where love is available at all times and every day is a new start to accept change, accept healing, accept forgiveness of self/others, accept new life each and every day and accept new endeavors meant for you to be a part of one day?!…

New life is found in JESUS for HE is the Way, the Truth, and the Life…  HE changed water into wine…  HE can renew your mind with peace to not resign…  HE can repair your broken heart to be one of a kind…  HE can recreate a pure heart for new innocence to find…  HE can restore your despairing soul with peace to realign…  HE can redeem your wounded spirit with new found freedom in HIS love forever remind…  You can remain in faith, hope, and love eternally within HIS grace, mercy, and compassion with new beginnings to brightly shine…

I walk past my dad sleeping on the couch.  He came to get me.  I open the door slowly, quietly.  I close it behind me.  I realize now that it was unwise of me to not get help and go it on my own.  But I didn’t think of getting help until it was too late.  Ask for help if you need it!…

I walk away further than I had been into the darkest night.  I had been walking away for quite some time.  Away from faith and trust in JESUS.  Late nights, barely any sleep.  Trying to get through my university classes and working.  Hadn’t been eating much if not at all for weeks.  Thoughts began turning against me until suicidal.  I realize now I was needing to eat and nourish my body and was part of the reason my mind turned against myself.  Nourish your body so as not to do it damage or cause the wiring in the brain to malfunction/misfire…

As I walked onward, the intensity of the situation became unbearable.  GOD seemed to be warning me and I questioned it wondering if I should turn back.  Then I made the decision to go farther at a quicker pace.  Swarms of mosquitos appear out of nowhere attacking my hypersensitive self to make matters worse and more dreadful than at first.  It was torturous and had never happened to me before nor anytime after.  I think about turning back again.  I continue on instead.  I believe GOD was trying to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen.  I realize now that it wasn’t GOD’s heart for me to do.  GOD doesn’t tempt us to hurt ourselves or to commit suicide and wants us to trust HIM as HE works in and through us to become who HE’s called us to be…

I understand though how someone can get so low as to commit suicide.  I don’t judge, yet I know that GOD’s heart is not for this to be the outcome…

I ended up in a field of abandoned cars.  Ironic that this is how I felt.  Abandoned.  An empty shell of my former self.  Wide open to the elements.  No more human presence.  Not able to go anymore.  Broken spirit like all the engines there.  I sat in one of the doorless vehicles contemplating for hours whether I’d take my life or not.  Then I contemplated what seemed like just minutes or seconds. 2 or 3 times got ready then decided this is it.  It was then as if the enemy of my soul took his heavy pressuring off of me as I attempted.  It was as if he pushed me to that edge.  Then I was left all alone.  So I thought.  I realize now that GOD doesn’t give up on anyone and will help us when we turn back to HIM in trust continuing to live on until HE rebuilds us… Place your trust in GOD to get you through anything by choosing to endure and persevere for there is great reward if you do…

 

I came up for air.  I realize now GOD wouldn’t let me drown, because HE had a plan for my life…  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD has a plan for a hope and a future for you too…

 

Confused.  What did I do?  I was scared.  Cursed.  Accursed?  That is how I felt.  I realize now that GOD has great compassion and enduring mercy.  HE wouldn’t abandon me like the car in the broken empty graveyard.  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD will show you great compassion and enduring mercy to the most difficult things you’ve experienced in your life…  Let HIM help you too…

 

I’m still alive.  Am I though?  I felt so lost, ashamed, and guilt ridden as I walked back.  I realize now GOD would find me, heal me, and forgive me further along the healing journey.   But I didn’t know it then.  At some point GOD will find you, heal you inside, and forgive you too if you ask HIM, seek HIM, and knock for HIM when don’t give up (took time over 19 years to experience healing of various aspects of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit). JESUS is faithful and true and I couldn’t do it on my own without HIM… HE’s brought me this far and I give HIM thanks in all things the good, the bad, and the ugly…

 

As I reached the nearest road, a person pulled over and took me to my apartment with my dad unknowing of one of the darkest moments of my life.  I was so desperate that I didn’t even tell him the seriousness of what I was dealing with.  I realize now that GOD moved on my dad’s heart to come get me traveling over 800 miles after I called my mom and let her know I wasn’t doing good.  If you need to be honest and tell someone you need help too, do it…  It’s ok when you’re feeling so very weak to get support until you’re better… Don’t wait (especially if you’re thinking of suicide and/or not eating…) It’s ok…  Getting help is being human and alive…  If you don’t have anyone, feel free to reach out to me…  Email me at:  jeffandtami@truevine.net

There are emergency numbers to call on this website as well.

To be continued…

Edges

Posted: October 19, 2019 in Jesus, Life, new life, Poems
Tags: , ,

I know sanity

Far from the edge already

Enough to be enthusiastically

Feeling all levity

Living life splendidly

When I ran oblivious of HIM lightly

Steady in gravity

When in childlike wonder thought I had plenty

 

I know vanity

Near to be edgy indirectly

Enough to be imaginary

Feeling all jestingly

Living life generally

When I strutted without HIM in revelry

Heady atop gravity

When I was trendy

 

I came to know HIM in amity

From the edge of inanity

Enough to be changed in personality

Feeling all empathy

Living life pleasantly

When I tried to walk with HIM credibly

Led free somewhat through gravity

When I was meant to be

 

I know carnality

Over the edge of morality

Enough to be vulgarity

Feeling all asperity

Living life irreverently

When I walked away from HIM insularity

Offend Thee stuck in gravity

When I was in prodigality

 

I know insanity

On the edge of brevity

Enough to be deadly

Feeling all dreadfully

Living life in self-pity

When I fell apart from HIM mightily

Heavy under gravity

When I was empty

 

I know agony

On the edge of tragedy

Enough to be a calamity

Feeling all panicky

Living life drastically

When I stumbled looking for HIM pantingly

Unsteady by gravity

When I was testy

 

I know tenacity

At the edge of a remedy

Enough to be erratically

Feeling all dramatically

Living life actively

When I pressed on toward HIM attentively

Ready for gravity

When I was messy

 

I know HIM ecstatically

Brought to the edge of my humanity

Enough to be for morality

Feeling all spirituality

Living life valiantly

When I rested in HIM confidently

Defends me from my enemy below this gravity

When YOU test me

 

I know HIM as centrality

Beyond the edge of amnesty

Enough to be compassionately

Feeling all passionately

Living life in vitality 

When I walk with HIM emphatically

Makeready for far above this gravity

While I am a levy until only YOU commend me

 

 

 

Childhood left far behind

Memories though remind

Of innocence 

And freedom

For a time

 

Crushes left far behind

Memories though remind

Of interest

Other than just me

And mine

 

Hometown left far behind

Memories though remind

Of stability

And familiarity

Entwined

 

New to now old places left far behind

Memories though remind

Of adjustment not ready

And coping unsteady

Disinclined

 

Youth growing pains left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failures in choices made

And mistakes in decisions strayed

Misaligned

 

Broken relationships left far behind

Memories though remind

Of awkwardness

And immaturity

Combined

 

Peace and hope soon left far behind

Memories though remind

Of JESUS changing my demeanor

And self-esteem with composure

Aligned 

 

Friends and family left far behind

Memories though remind

Of being lost and afraid

And sin’s cost betrayed

Unrefined

 

Relationship with HIM left far behind

Memories though remind

HE’s the only way, the truth, and the life

Of shock to feel forsaken

And suicidal thoughts overtaken

Inclined

 

Realities once known left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith in HIM for HIS mercy plead for

And only HE can rescue to restore

A sound mind

 

From psych hospital left far behind

Memories though remind

Of the pain and darkness tumbling

And life moving forward in starkness stumbling 

Blind

 

Seek HIM whom I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of mental illness diagnosis

And depression with psychosis

Confined

 

New opportunities with purpose I thought were left far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS truth and kindness shown before

And HIS Word anew choosing to seek HIM to implore

Unwind

 

Someone close I’d have to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS choice for me to marry

And HIS way, truth, and the life chosen though I’d tarry

Outlined

 

Another episode into psych hospital again I thought was left far behind

Memories though remind

Of fears revisited and hallucinations come alive

And paranoia riveted inside

Divide

 

Another miracle release yet I felt left far behind

Memories though remind

Of continuing to call on HIS name for help and fears increased to cease to be set free

And so weak, weary, and wavering I’d barely hold on to a sense of reality

Contrived

 

Somehow I’d live and work with a growing family beside trying to leave the negative far behind

Memories though remind

Of hit and miss volleys of episodes small and large in magnitude

And the loss of less and less aptitude 

Maligned 

 

There were times I’d be alright with new peace and hope replacing what I wanted left far behind

Memories though remind

Of peace and hope not lasting for long

And I was a step away from a sense of security being gone

Unbind

 

My life crashed down again heading back to another psych hospital that I couldn’t leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of the wreckage I was causing my family broken apart

And damage of decades of doubt taken its toll on my heart

Deride

 

This time I’d protect my wife and fight the enemy and my demons I thought I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failed attempts, of fear inept, and darkness’s depths while looking above

And yet I chose to walk by faith each step of the way confronting each giant to slay -along came love

To guide

 

My sense of love for my family upon seeing them I never want to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of desire to fight to keep and to hold them close

And choose to put HIM first and love HIM most

Abide

 

I’d falter once again to enter the psych hospital and another battle escalated with the enemy of my soul who wants me left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith, hope, and love that remains and the Spirit within to fight the war ensued outside

And HE proves faithful to be there by my side to protect my family, then to center me to defeat my enemy of pride, of lies, of disguise, of negative ties that have followed me from behind

Tried

 

I fight the good fight with HIS grace, mercy, forgiveness, encouragement, and compassion that has not left me far behind

Memories though remind

Of the battles that still need to be fought for others to know the truth

And become HIS disciple who follows with faith, hope, and love as proof

Decide

 

HE promises to never leave nor forsake when trust HIM, so there’s no fear of what’s left far behind

Memories though remind

Of praying on the armor and saving souls as wise being a soldier who will fight on the frontline

And to press on Heavenward to win the prize as a reflection of HIS Light to shine

Realigned

 

HE didn’t leave me far behind, but left the ninety-nine to come after me to find

Memories though remind

Of the deepest, darkest pit I fell into, that I might see -what HE bought would continue to pursue with love’s stride open to what frees

And to show and tell of HIS rescue, not just for me -but for you too HE will do until we’re made new… from above provide in what HE’s

Designed

 

 

 

 

 

What I got

Is more than a lot

SON of GOD my Savior purchased me won with blood took a toll

Grace through faith in HIM saved me come flood my soul

 

When I fought

Lost a war as a prisoner caught

Good Shepherd came to find me in a deep pit

Mercy and compassion reached to lift me up and now will I submit

 

More than ever

Better late than never

KING of kings purchased me forevermore so I will press on leaving what’s behind

Faith, hope, and love I can no longer ignore so in return I respond to others in kind

 

What I live for now

Is far beyond what I can think, ask, or imagine endow

FATHER of Lights shine down as I walk humbly along abiding

All my delights in HIM for desires come true of Heaven each new dawn reminding 

 

When I sought

Found YOUR will inside my heart wrought

The Potter forms this clay confide until I decide chosen behoove from above to follow

Listen and obey one day guide until I’d open to prove HIS love anew unfold

 

More than silver and gold

Is wisdom bought to save souls behold

Redeemer and High Priest fights the battles I couldn’t win alone

Freedom arise released ignites the Fruit of the Spirit to be shown

 

Some just see the stars

I realize who they are

Reflection’s faces of worth

Recollection’s traces from birth

Resurrection’s races above earth

 

Some just see the stars

I realize Words near are now those far

Rejections here accepted there 

Redirections steer kept aware

Redemptions appear when care to share

 

Some just see the stars

I realize the tears kept above in jars

Ramifications cause certain death yet still free to shine

Ratifications pause hurtin’/ breath yet will be wholly Thine

Representations’ applause determined shibboleth let fill eternity divine

 

Some just see the stars

I realize the majestic Mystery is in Heaven’s registrar

Revealing Abraham’s descendants with faith believing

Repealing Adam’s tenants turn in repentance with hope receiving

Re-appealing Atonements residence with love conceiving 

 

Some just see the stars

I realize HE gave all to find the lost in HIS scars

Rekindling chosen sparks to live on despite faltering in it all

Reminding open hearts to give the Light reassuring to install

Rebuilding broken parts to forgive lives answering HIS call

 

See the Morning Star

I realize HE is the Author of it all so trust and believe HIM to write the rest of your memoir

Rescuing your life from demise to become wise

Redeeming your life from the lies now arise

Recommitting your life walking forward Heavenward for the prize with no disguise

 

 

No one knows tomorrow

Except GOD who sees the arrow

Shot through where it will go

Into the straight and narrow

Fade in velocity beyond the bow

Sun down on the horizon below

 

Find me again and pick me up from below

Take me in YOUR Mighty Right hand set in YOUR bow

Take aim into a future and hope along the straight and narrow

Pull me back; shoot me through into YOUR true and proven will let go

YOUR eyes ever on me as one of YOUR chosen few arrows

With vision to see my destiny released into YOUR perfect tomorrow

 

All trust in YOU alone past daydreams in flight

Call thrust into hone past nightmares in sight

Wall bust through continue fast forward in Spirit ignite

Install gust renew strength propel into victory above in my battles YOU fight

Enthrall stardust breakthrough to reflect YOU with insight

Haul robust, true Words reveal trajectory how to make it in this life prove right

 

Haul seed as a sower into hearts grow HIS Words that build a life upon the Rock just right

Enthrall as a shooting star however brief the journey reflect HIM with insight

Install fresh wind that strengthens in HIS grace and mercy grants victory for you HE will always fight

Wall broken down become one with JESUS and the FATHER makes home inside by the Spirit ignite

Call beckons deeper faith within the heart overflowing the soul past nightmares becoming sight

All desires of our hearts in daydreams flight granted when in HIM alone wholly delight