YOU were there when I fell in the deepest pit of utter black darkness wraith of hope depressed
YOU were there when I laid down and could barely sit up to muster any faith to cope in my mess
YOU were there when I was a shell of emptiness with shallow breath as evidence not sure whether I’d ever have steps to be deft again or mend even from your nurturing obligations
YOU were there when I was in hell of loneliness like a death sentence, but you never left as I wept and hardly slept in weakness rend often to descend furthering complications
YOU were there in my broken brokenness lost in strife
YOU were there to awaken awareness into new life
YOU were there to believe for me when I couldn’t just be
YOU were there to perceive YOU’d free when I wouldn’t trust Thee
YOU were there when I couldn’t do anything
YOU were there to pull me through everything
YOU were there to encourage and rebuke readily
YOU were there to give reassurance resolute steadily
YOU were there until we were a growing family
YOU were there to fulfill that we were overflowing avidly
YOU were there when I was lost, then amazed by YOU found with YOUR grace, mercy, and compassion all around no longer the same without any shame
I am here because YOU counted the cost, and raised me up off the ground with purpose, vision, and a future with passion to abound now stronger for YOUR Name renown to proclaim
I have recently launched K.O.R.E. online ministry as GOD has called me to be a pastor. I’m following the LORD trusting HIM to work in and through my life to bring GOD the FATHER glory, honor, and praise in JESUS’ name… I plan to write messages weekly and post mostly on Saturdays. I have written 2 messages one from last week and one for this week. My hope and prayer is that you will be inspired to grow in faith, hope, and love in your walk with Christ… I especially want to reach out to those who don’t have a church home. K.O.R.E. exists for those who are dealing with depression, experiencing mental illness, having suicidal thoughts, have attempted suicide in the past, dealing with oppression, feeling like an outcast, facing health challenges, and/or just feeling overwhelmed in life… If anyone needs prayer, support, and encouragement feel free to reach out to me anytime… I will personally respond to you in a timely manner… Come by and visit the website and give me some feedback, leave a prayer request, or express your interest to get involved: K.O.R.E.
Monday came; she stood there waiting, locked gaze in suspended time, then walked away because I couldn’t respond as if in a daze
I pray she knows HIS love all her days…
Mistakes I dare to share
Open up not sure she’d even care
Return the favor listening, revealing all unaware
College, first relationship, burdens to bear
Found solace for a short time so rare
She had to leave across the sea and I let go too scared
I pray she finds HIM suddenly out of no where
Mistakes I regret
Awkward, unsure, how to interpret
Searching for identity unkept
College, second relationship, just met
A whirlwind transpires; I easily make her upset
She gave it one last chance; I hurt her heart and can’t forget
I pray she experiences HIS joy each day on reset
Mistakes of getting too close without commitment
Except our faith in GOD, we’d abstain from being intimate
Taking a chance after my suicide attempt and mental illness onset
Singles group in church, third relationship, her a divorcee with a daughter, could we reinvent
GOD would make it clear we weren’t meant to be in marriage represent
She was saddened, but moved on to start her own family circumvent
I pray she always has HIS encouragement and a love for HIM that’s fervent
Through all my mistakes I came to find HIM anew
My refocus in relationship with HIM intertwined with her and grew
Drawn together as we served HIS children in love’s purpose pure and true
Times well spent with each other set in motion HIS will to pursue
It is evident we were meant to be a family within HIS faith, hope, and love through and through
She has fought to win battles with the enemy as revealed by scars and wounds
She has fought to win battles for me in the midst of my darkest hours now removed
She has fought to win battles for herself of declined health faithful to be there for our children proved
I pray she feels HIS love through me continually, reveals HIS love through our children repeatedly, conceals within HIS love fully to share assuredly, and kneels with me in awe of what the LORD has done mercifully in Heaven one day and then walk together as best friends for all eternity…
After JESUS died on the cross for you and I, HE rose again to Life…
What does that mean for me?
If you’ve put your trust and hope in JESUS for the forgiveness of your sins, HE has bought and won victory for you through HIS shed blood, death on the cross, burial, and resurrection on the 3rd day.
What victory?
You may know that HE won victory over sin, satan, hell, death and the grave. HE is the Way, the Truth, and the Life… You receive forgiveness for your sins, victory over sin, authority over satan in JESUS name, and the promise of a prepared place for you in Heaven after you die. Since HE is alive HE will never leave nor forsake you… You don’t have to be alone…
After JESUS died on the cross, HE was placed in a tomb with a large and heavy rock blocking its entrance. The chief priests remembering that JESUS said “after 3 days I will rise again” asked Pilate, the governor to have soldiers secure the tomb and stand guard.
HE is the Light of the world and walked alive once again into the light at dawn of a new day after HIS crucifixion on the cross… HE will bring HIS Light into your darkness and one day shine within you… HE will help you through the depression, mental illness, and/or suicidal thoughts… HE did it for me and HE can do it for you too…
Luke 24
Jesus Has Risen
24 On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb.2 They found the stone rolled away from the tomb,3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.4 While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them.5 In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead?6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee:7 ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ”8 Then they remembered his words.
9 When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others.10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles.11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense.12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.
On the Road to Emmaus
13 Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles[a] from Jerusalem.14 They were talking with each other about everything that had happened.15 As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them;16 but they were kept from recognizing him.
17 He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”
They stood still, their faces downcast.18 One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?”
19 “What things?” he asked.
“About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people.20 The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him;21 but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place.22 In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning23 but didn’t find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive.24 Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but they did not see Jesus.”
25 He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken!26 Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?”27 And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.
28 As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther.29 But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.
30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”
33 They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together34 and saying, “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.”35 Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.
Jesus Appears to the Disciples
36 While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
37 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost.38 He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?39 Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”
40 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet.41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?”42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish,43 and he took it and ate it in their presence.
44 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”
45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.46 He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day,47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.48 You are witnesses of these things.49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”
The Ascension of Jesus
50 When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them.51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven.52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy.53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.
What if you doubt? JESUS understands and has compassion on you if you doubt HIM. HE can reveal HIMSELF to you and help you believe. HE helped Thomas who doubted, so HE will help you too… JESUS says we are blessed if we believe and yet have not seen HIM yet…
Jesus among His Disciples
19 So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and *said to them, “Peace be with you.”20 And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord.21 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.”22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.23 If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained.”
24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.25 So the other disciples were saying to him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the imprint of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.”
26 After eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus *came, the doors having been [f]shut, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.”27 Then He said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing.”28 Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!”29 Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.”
Why This Gospel Was Written
30 Therefore many other signs Jesus also performed in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book;31 but these have been written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you may have life in His name.
We read that JESUS met with those HE cared for and loved after HIS death to help them believe in HIM, continue to trust in HIM, to encourage them, and to give them their mission assignment after HE returned to Heaven…
This is the reason I share my faith story, GOD’s Word, and refer to JESUS throughout my writing… I have found victory in Christ for my life and I’m compelled to share the faith, hope, and love I have found in HIM… HE is faithful and true… HE is able to give you victory in your life too…
Have you fallen away from your relationship with JESUS for any reason? One of my favorite stories in the Bible is how Peter is restored and redeemed by JESUS after being risen to life… HE knew Peter felt guilt and shame after he had disowned HIM 3 times leading up to HIS death.
John 21
Jesus Appears at the Sea of Galilee
21 After these things Jesus manifested Himself again to the disciples at the Sea of Tiberias, and He manifested Himself in this way.2 Simon Peter, and Thomas called Didymus, and Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, and the sons of Zebedee, and two others of His disciples were together.3 Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will also come with you.” They went out and got into the boat; and that night they caught nothing.
4 But when the day was now breaking, Jesus stood on the beach; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus.5 So Jesus said to them, “Children, you do not have any fish, do you?” They answered Him, “No.”6 And He said to them, “Cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat and you will find a catch.” So they cast, and then they were not able to haul it in because of the great number of fish.7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” So when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put his outer garment on (for he was stripped for work), and threw himself into the sea.8 But the other disciples came in the little boat, for they were not far from the land, but about one hundred yards away, dragging the net full of fish.
9 So when they got out on the land, they saw a charcoal fire already laid and fish placed on it, and bread.10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.”11 Simon Peter went up and drew the net to land, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not torn.
Jesus Provides
12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples ventured to question Him, “Who are You?” knowing that it was the Lord.13 Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish likewise.14 This is now the third time that Jesus was manifested to the disciples, after He was raised from the dead.
The Love Motivation
15 So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.”16 He *said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him “Shepherd My sheep.”17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus *said to him, “Tend My sheep.
JESUS allowed Peter to return his love to JESUS and JESUS reappointed him to love HIM and others with new found responsibility… HE is able to restore and redeem you too!!!…
JESUS, even before HE died on the cross, revealed that HE was the Resurrection and the Life… Let’s take a look:
John 11:20-28
20 Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus was coming, went to meet Him, but Mary stayed at the house.21 Martha then said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.22 Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.”23 Jesus *said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”24 Martha said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.”25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies,26 and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?”27 She said to Him, “Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world.”
JESUS reassures Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary that Lazarus would rise again to life… HE went on into the tomb where Lazarus laid after he had died. JESUS raised Lazarus to life again… HE is able to handle anything you’re dealing with in this life… HE will encourage and support you as you walk with HIM putting your faith and trust in HIM… HE will be with you even to the end and then welcome you into Heaven to live forevermore…
Psalm 103
Of David.
1 Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
6 The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
You may thank HIM for these benefits that HE has won victory for you to have in your life…
If you need prayer, support, encouragement, and/or have questions/concerns let me know and I will respond back to you soon…
May the LORD bless and keep you in HIS care and love always and forever…
After reading Matthew Malin’s post Severing the Chains of Regret: Is it Possible?, it reminded me of times in my own life dealing with regrets and prompted within me a desire to shed more light on the subject…
Before I do, I will also share in one of many regrets of an attempt to impress a young girl as a middle school teenager. I was riding my 10 speed bike and peddled as fast as I could by her as she watched from upon my porch. I realize at the last second upon reaching the 6″ curb that I must brake = I flipped completely head over heels with bike following in tow over me into a heap as I landed hard on my back. Yah, so much for that stunt. I wonder what she thought about it?
And one more for good measure is my first date as a 17 year old taking a girl to a movie. I have no recollection of what the feature show was called or what it was about. But what I do remember is taking her home, getting out of the car, gently placing both of my hands on the sides of her face, and the good intention of giving her a kiss on her forehead out of respect before saying good night. However, she looked up to kiss me and I kissed her nose. Yep!? I attempted once more and the same result occurred. Nope! Not doing that again. The next day looking at the doorway (as I sat in my seat in an empty classroom awaiting for its start) there she appeared and stood waiting for me as if she still cared for me. Try as I might have wanted to -regret and embarrassment took over and I didn’t move let alone respond. After a few minutes, she turned and walked away. Needless to say, it was the first and last date I had in high school.
How to Respond to Our Regrets
I wholeheartedly agree with Matthew’s take on regrets (author of Confessions), that it factors into everyone’s life at some point if live long enough to deal with it, lose from it, fail in it, and have to face it. And he is right that JESUS is the answer…
HE is the answer to our dilemma of regret (past actions of our own doing or performed against us by others, present guilt or shame, and future handling of its weight:
pressing upon us
repressing within us
suppressing all positive forward response from us
and/or oppressing over every facet of our lives
We may not forget our regrets, yet we may still be forgiven, experience breakthroughs, and thus find freedom to finally move forward into further maturity…
JESUS forgives to rescue our lives, forgives to restore our lives, and forgives to redeem our lives…
Peter experienced a rescue from JESUS when he came to believe and trust in HIM while following HIM.
Peter experienced a restoration after failing in faithfulness to JESUS (forsaking HIM 3 times) in moments of anxiety, confusion, fear, darkness, and weakness -yet gaining a deeper level of forgiveness after JESUS returned to him to continue the relationship with HIS faithfulness, HIS hope filled reunion, and HIS perfect love given.
Peter experienced a redemption when given the renewed responsibility to spread the Good News of salvation ordained by JESUS knowing HE had risen from the dead and still loved and valued him beyond the failures and regrets of guilt and shame he had harbored…
Our first and foremost response is to turn to HIM for forgiveness:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
HE forgives to rescue:
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:10
As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” Romans 10:11
For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile–the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:12-13
HE forgives to restore:
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good. Psalm 25:7
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. Isaiah 54:4
HE forgives to redeem:
For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed. Isaiah 50:7
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5
And so, I share this because HE is real; HE is faithful to respond and rescue when turning to HIM by grace through faith; HE is able and willing to restore hope to anyone’s soul through mercy and compassion; HE fully redeems anyone’s life changing the whole trajectory of one’s path onto the straight and narrow with HIS Light and encouraging Word and over time casting out fears with HIS perfect love that never fails…
With HIS forgiveness in being rescued, restored, and redeemed we may become inspired and motivated to tell others about what we’ve:
discovered to be the Way out of darkness and regret
found to be the Truth toward walking in HIS Light and back into the land of the living after each regret
experienced to be the new Life granted with purpose and with vision beyond any and all regrets
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.” Romans 1:16-17
With forgiveness, all of us may continue to keep fighting and overcoming…
As you sit here after reading this, JESUS stands at the door of your heart and knocks. Will you respond? Regrets and/or embarrassment doesn’t have to keep you immovable like in a chair in an empty classroom as an awkward and lonely teenager nor keep you from the greatest gift of HIS unfailing love and forgiveness that may be yours for simply turning to HIM and asking for it. HE doesn’t walk away, but is waiting for you still -here… now…
For he says, “In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.” I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation. 2 Corinthians 6:2
HIS forgiveness is HIS key to our hearts:
with faith in HIM as our response to know
with hope toward HIM as our realization to grow
with love from HIM as our reward and to do unto others owe…
with HIS Word as our reason into others sow…
with HIS Living Water refilling our cups as a reservoir to overflow into channels of HIS grace, mercy, and compassion to show…
Notice I didn’t include in the title “HAPPY” New Year. I do want you to be happy, but I know and understand many are not for they are dealing with difficult things even extremely severe pain/despair/loss, suicidal thoughts, and/or mental illness. You are not alone… I thank all of you who have followed this blog and I’m here for anyone who needs support, encouragement, and care… Reach out to me anytime!!…
JESUS understands all about whatever you’re facing and HE desires to be there for you in it, through it, and on into new life…
It is officially 2020 and what comes to mind is 20/20 vision which is considered good eyesight for humans to have… How is your vision now?
Do you look on with faith, hope, and love or doubt, anxiety, and fear?…
If you have faith, hope, and love in JESUS (looking to HIM for your help) despite what circumstances you’re dealing with, you’re trusting HIM through it all no matter what so you can move forward along your journey…
If you have doubt, anxiety, and fear in yourself or others; the circumstances you’re dealing with become overwhelming and make one feel stuck…
What do you want your vision to be this year in 2020?
Can it be directed upward to whom your help comes from ultimately?
Can it change from despair within yourself or from mistrust in others?
Yes, you can change course by bringing everything you are to JESUS who will daily bear your burdens and give your soul rest… then onward, pressing on, to moving forward with HIM as HE leads you into new life…
There is available to every one of us a more perfect vision that is spiritual and action oriented…
I call it KING Vision 17/17…
It is a way of looking at our life in HIS love, through HIS love, and with HIS love for GOD and for others to continually pursue in order to know, to grow, and to show…
JESUS is the KING of kings…
Vision is viewing life with purpose on mission…
17/17 is inspired by Proverbs 17:17 which states firstly “A friend loves at all times…”
JESUS is our friend that is able to love us at all times…
Knowing this helps us love GOD and others at all times…
How about adopting KING Vision 17/17 in this year of 2020 that is better than 20/20 human vision?
At 2 years old, I had a very high fever that wouldn’t break. I was taken to the hospital and the doctors couldn’t get it down either… I ended up having seizures and was placed in an ice bath with hopes of bringing the temp down and not succumbing to an early death. This experience may have contributed to me having a crossed eye and loss of vision. At 4 years old, I had surgery on my left eye to shorten the muscle so as not to have an extreme cross eye. I have not had unaided 20/20 vision since… I needed corrective lenses to help me see better and obtain as close to 20/20 vision as can be had.
If I could have glasses/contacts made that help correct my vision by an optometrist, then wouldn’t it be possible for GOD to correct our spiritual vision in a greater way? HE has done it for me… HE can for you too!!… Nothing is impossible for HIM!!!
Today is the first day of the new year 2020, so many choose to make new year’s resolutions which can lead to positive life-changing results. More often than not, many resolutions fall by the wayside.
With GOD however, HIS mercies are new every morning, HIS compassions fail not…
You need to know this, so that when new year’s resolutions are met with adversity or failure you may still have hope each new morning… Yes, today is 1/1/2020. Yet, remember GOD gives each day as a new start and HIS compassions for you will not fail even when you do fail…
Does your vision for 2020 hold on to only what you’ve done today, for days in a row, for this week, or for even this whole year?
Would you rather have KING Vision 17/17 where love is available at all times and every day is a new start to accept change, accept healing, accept forgiveness of self/others, accept new life each and every day and accept new endeavors meant for you to be a part of one day?!…
New life is found in JESUS for HE is the Way, the Truth, and the Life… HE changed water into wine… HE can renew your mind with peace to not resign… HE can repair your broken heart to be one of a kind… HE can recreate a pure heart for new innocence to find… HE can restore your despairing soul with peace to realign… HE can redeem your wounded spirit with new found freedom in HIS love forever remind… You can remain in faith, hope, and love eternally within HIS grace, mercy, and compassion with new beginnings to brightly shine…
I walk past my dad sleeping on the couch. He came to get me. I open the door slowly, quietly. I close it behind me. I realize now that it was unwise of me to not get help and go it on my own. But I didn’t think of getting help until it was too late. Ask for help if you need it!…
I walk away further than I had been into the darkest night. I had been walking away for quite some time. Away from faith and trust in JESUS. Late nights, barely any sleep. Trying to get through my university classes and working. Hadn’t been eating much if not at all for weeks. Thoughts began turning against me until suicidal. I realize now I was needing to eat and nourish my body and was part of the reason my mind turned against myself. Nourish your body so as not to do it damage or cause the wiring in the brain to malfunction/misfire…
As I walked onward, the intensity of the situation became unbearable. GOD seemed to be warning me and I questioned it wondering if I should turn back. Then I made the decision to go farther at a quicker pace. Swarms of mosquitos appear out of nowhere attacking my hypersensitive self to make matters worse and more dreadful than at first. It was torturous and had never happened to me before nor anytime after. I think about turning back again. I continue on instead. I believe GOD was trying to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen. I realize now that it wasn’t GOD’s heart for me to do. GOD doesn’t tempt us to hurt ourselves or to commit suicide and wants us to trust HIM as HE works in and through us to become who HE’s called us to be…
I understand though how someone can get so low as to commit suicide. I don’t judge, yet I know that GOD’s heart is not for this to be the outcome…
I ended up in a field of abandoned cars. Ironic that this is how I felt. Abandoned. An empty shell of my former self. Wide open to the elements. No more human presence. Not able to go anymore. Broken spirit like all the engines there. I sat in one of the doorless vehicles contemplating for hours whether I’d take my life or not. Then I contemplated what seemed like just minutes or seconds. 2 or 3 times got ready then decided this is it. It was then as if the enemy of my soul took his heavy pressuring off of me as I attempted. It was as if he pushed me to that edge. Then I was left all alone. So I thought. I realize now that GOD doesn’t give up on anyone and will help us when we turn back to HIM in trust continuing to live on until HE rebuilds us… Place your trust in GOD to get you through anything by choosing to endure and persevere for there is great reward if you do…
I came up for air. I realize now GOD wouldn’t let me drown, because HE had a plan for my life… But I didn’t know it then. GOD has a plan for a hope and a future for you too…
Confused. What did I do? I was scared. Cursed. Accursed? That is how I felt. I realize now that GOD has great compassion and enduring mercy. HE wouldn’t abandon me like the car in the broken empty graveyard. But I didn’t know it then. GOD will show you great compassion and enduring mercy to the most difficult things you’ve experienced in your life… Let HIM help you too…
I’m still alive. Am I though? I felt so lost, ashamed, and guilt ridden as I walked back. I realize now GOD would find me, heal me, and forgive me further along the healing journey. But I didn’t know it then. At some point GOD will find you, heal you inside, and forgive you too if you ask HIM, seek HIM, and knock for HIM when don’t give up (took time over 19 years to experience healing of various aspects of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit). JESUS is faithful and true and I couldn’t do it on my own without HIM… HE’s brought me this far and I give HIM thanks in all things the good, the bad, and the ugly…
As I reached the nearest road, a person pulled over and took me to my apartment with my dad unknowing of one of the darkest moments of my life. I was so desperate that I didn’t even tell him the seriousness of what I was dealing with. I realize now that GOD moved on my dad’s heart to come get me traveling over 800 miles after I called my mom and let her know I wasn’t doing good. If you need to be honest and tell someone you need help too, do it… It’s ok when you’re feeling so very weak to get support until you’re better… Don’t wait (especially if you’re thinking of suicide and/or not eating…) It’s ok… Getting help is being human and alive… If you don’t have anyone, feel free to reach out to me… Email me at: jeffandtami@truevine.net
There are emergency numbers to call on this website as well.
Might as well revisit memories then store up Heaven’s treasuries
Life is not about me alone to own
Might as well revisit to make known to others HIS wonders to become sisters and brothers
Life is faith, hope, and love sown to be shown
Might as well revisit to make known HIS salvation plan unto ovation stand
Life is lived from a place of quiet try it and then aloud allowed
Might as well revisit the solitary momentarily for when a missionary extraordinary
Life is hard pressed on every side abide, yet not crushed to be rushed forth
Might as well revisit how we make it through anew
Life is perplexed reflexed, but not in despair aware to care
Might as well revisit those who are under par broken apart in scars near and far
Life is persecuted reputed, but not forsaken awaken to truth unshaken
Might as well revisit to be there for the burdens to bear and love to share
Life is struck down upon the ground, but not destroyed to be deployed
Might as well revisit to fight the good fight in view of Heaven’s witnesses to join as future citizens setting free those in prisons lost and afraid with no decisions until arisen
Life is eternal going on and on and you’re not forgotten
Might as well revisit the reason why you cry and then apply why you are alive born to do more than just survive, today arrive at a crossroads decide who you can confide in, tomorrow into a hope and future abide under HIS wings of mercy hide no longer cast aside or denied this side of eternity until into HIS arms open wide ride on the heights when fears subside HE will always and forever guide…
YOU don’t want only our sorrow a fraction to drain
Just the depths of our marrow in action to walk the extra mile unrestrained
Present for those low in despair until on their feet with traction by HIS love unfeigned
YOU want followers to follow with attraction in the fruit of the Spirit trained
For souls hollow to be made whole in satisfaction by the Savior who saves attain
Today and for every
Tomorrow
HE will fill us up to overflow
Know HIS will and go
Fulfill HIS command to show
Faith, hope, and love to grow
YOUR promises kept more than rainbows
More than we can think, ask, or imagine YOU chose
Beyond the death, burial, and resurrection after YOU arose
To sit at the right hand of the FATHER as our High Priest interceding in our throes
Until YOUR grace, mercy, and compassion is known with freedom above our lows
Giving us a testimony of YOUR faithfulness and victory with seed given as a sower sows
Seasoned as salt YOU are better to taste and see YOUR goodness in perfect dose
Reflection of Light YOU shine into and through the darkness with our eyes YOUR Spirit glows
New life is given by YOU and YOUR rest provides peace surpassing understanding in repose
We will continue to press on to endure and persevere passing on through deaths shadows
We will learn to wait upon HIM for renewed strength to soar on wings like eagles above our foes
Until we are able to run and not grow weary to walk and not faint when once were solo so low, but now no longer alone or hollow we’ll press on to follow our Hero who helps us through our woes…
