Archive for the ‘healing’ Category

I walk past my dad sleeping on the couch.  He came to get me.  I open the door slowly, quietly.  I close it behind me.  I realize now that it was unwise of me to not get help and go it on my own.  But I didn’t think of getting help until it was too late.  Ask for help if you need it!…

I walk away further than I had been into the darkest night.  I had been walking away for quite some time.  Away from faith and trust in JESUS.  Late nights, barely any sleep.  Trying to get through my university classes and working.  Hadn’t been eating much if not at all for weeks.  Thoughts began turning against me until suicidal.  I realize now I was needing to eat and nourish my body and was part of the reason my mind turned against myself.  Nourish your body so as not to do it damage or cause the wiring in the brain to malfunction/misfire…

As I walked onward, the intensity of the situation became unbearable.  GOD seemed to be warning me and I questioned it wondering if I should turn back.  Then I made the decision to go farther at a quicker pace.  Swarms of mosquitos appear out of nowhere attacking my hypersensitive self to make matters worse and more dreadful than at first.  It was torturous and had never happened to me before nor anytime after.  I think about turning back again.  I continue on instead.  I believe GOD was trying to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen.  I realize now that it wasn’t GOD’s heart for me to do.  GOD doesn’t tempt us to hurt ourselves or to commit suicide and wants us to trust HIM as HE works in and through us to become who HE’s called us to be…

I understand though how someone can get so low as to commit suicide.  I don’t judge, yet I know that GOD’s heart is not for this to be the outcome…

I ended up in a field of abandoned cars.  Ironic that this is how I felt.  Abandoned.  An empty shell of my former self.  Wide open to the elements.  No more human presence.  Not able to go anymore.  Broken spirit like all the engines there.  I sat in one of the doorless vehicles contemplating for hours whether I’d take my life or not.  Then I contemplated what seemed like just minutes or seconds. 2 or 3 times got ready then decided this is it.  It was then as if the enemy of my soul took his heavy pressuring off of me as I attempted.  It was as if he pushed me to that edge.  Then I was left all alone.  So I thought.  I realize now that GOD doesn’t give up on anyone and will help us when we turn back to HIM in trust continuing to live on until HE rebuilds us… Place your trust in GOD to get you through anything by choosing to endure and persevere for there is great reward if you do…

 

I came up for air.  I realize now GOD wouldn’t let me drown, because HE had a plan for my life…  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD has a plan for a hope and a future for you too…

 

Confused.  What did I do?  I was scared.  Cursed.  Accursed?  That is how I felt.  I realize now that GOD has great compassion and enduring mercy.  HE wouldn’t abandon me like the car in the broken empty graveyard.  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD will show you great compassion and enduring mercy to the most difficult things you’ve experienced in your life…  Let HIM help you too…

 

I’m still alive.  Am I though?  I felt so lost, ashamed, and guilt ridden as I walked back.  I realize now GOD would find me, heal me, and forgive me further along the healing journey.   But I didn’t know it then.  At some point GOD will find you, heal you inside, and forgive you too if you ask HIM, seek HIM, and knock for HIM when don’t give up (took time over 19 years to experience healing of various aspects of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit). JESUS is faithful and true and I couldn’t do it on my own without HIM… HE’s brought me this far and I give HIM thanks in all things the good, the bad, and the ugly…

 

As I reached the nearest road, a person pulled over and took me to my apartment with my dad unknowing of one of the darkest moments of my life.  I was so desperate that I didn’t even tell him the seriousness of what I was dealing with.  I realize now that GOD moved on my dad’s heart to come get me traveling over 800 miles after I called my mom and let her know I wasn’t doing good.  If you need to be honest and tell someone you need help too, do it…  It’s ok when you’re feeling so very weak to get support until you’re better… Don’t wait (especially if you’re thinking of suicide and/or not eating…) It’s ok…  Getting help is being human and alive…  If you don’t have anyone, feel free to reach out to me…  Email me at:  jeffandtami@truevine.net

There are emergency numbers to call on this website as well.

To be continued…

 

For all the lost

To and fro tossed

Come gather to hear the Good News

Freedom after when listen and take in Victories Truths

Your destiny is to believe and be saved

HIS ministry to receive all that HE gave

 

For all the found

Who still doubt

Come gather at HIS throne to gain grace and mercy needed

Freedom after to continue on as more than a conqueror heeded

Your destiny is to believe and press on Heavenward go

HIS ministry to receive courage and confidence to know

 

For all who follow

Pursue HIS will to show

Come gather to bring all glory, honor, and praise

Freedom after giving to the call of the FATHER:  told your story, mold by the Potter, and behold  all your days

Your destiny to hear “Well, done good and faithful servant”

HIS ministry to draw near as you draw near so fervent

 

For all who are weary and heavy burdened

Queue to await renewed strength thats certain

Come gather around HIM for rest for your soul

Freedom after abound with zest traded for what took a toll

Your destiny to experience HIM faithful and true

HIS ministry for resilience as HE makes all things new

 

For all who are wounded in the battle torn

Construe you’re still included to channel prayer for others who mourn

Come gather reputed for giving your all until made whole

Freedom after lucid, rooted, and grounded with compassion to console

Your destiny is genuineness in HIM to understand with breakthrough

HIS ministry is deliverance by HIM in HIS plan for healing and Refuge kept for you

Ever deserted

Ever deceived

Ever devastated

 

With HIM in the end

Never deserted

Never deceived 

Never devastated

 

Ever doubted

Ever debated

Ever debilitated

 

With HIM in Heaven

Forever trusted

Forever answered

Forever new reinstated

 

Words illicit strong emotion

Word are set in motion

Words expressed capture attention

Words impressed capture meaning mentioned

Words spoken catch fire

Words open to inspire

Words count for something

Words amount to nothing

Words end up free falling

Words start a higher calling

Words brought about meaning

Words sought for gleaning

Words I write make sense or not

Words of insight will climax the plot

Words to tell my story

Words uplifted for HIS glory

 

HIS Words are alive and active

HIS Words are to your heart attractive

HIS Words are to your life refractive

HIS Words lead to the ONE who guides and forgives to find salvation

HIS Words plead for you to know new life to give -remind of its translation, designed for a firm foundation, and aligned for a pure relation

HIS Words indeed are truth, abide to live, bind to your heart elation

HIS Words last forever as eternal insight into JESUS

HIS Words cast purpose and vision needed to trust

HIS Words forecast service and provision heeded a must

HIS Words spoken bring about faith to the hearer when listened

HIS Words open to bring about hope to be clearer in acquisition

HIS Words chosen bring about love to be nearer come into fruition, with addition for the Great Commission

HIS Words acclimated are driven within by the Spirit into all Truth to be known, to be grown, and to be shown no longer wander prone

HIS Words activated are given into oneself meaning, healing, and revealing from HIM as the Way, the Truth, and the Life sown no longer falter alone

HIS Words are forever eternal… for YOU have exalted YOUR Word above all YOUR Name Psalm 138:2

 

 

Isaiah 55  

Invitation to the Thirsty

55 “Come, all you who are thirsty,
    come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
    listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
    my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
    a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
    and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has endowed you with splendor.”

Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
    and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
    and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    that will endure forever.”

Why am I inspired late at night

Why not when the sun is bright

I guess the darkness is what you saved me from

I profess YOUR Light given is what has brought my freedom

It’s YOUR blood poured out that has bought my life back from the dead

It’s YOUR Word of life that has taught me to renew my mind to offset dread

It’s YOUR Spirit that has caught my undivided attention to walk on ahead

It’s YOUR Presence that has sought my soul deserving punishment to restore instead

It’s YOUR touch that has given my life vision and purpose to be mission led

It’s YOUR love that has chased away the fear and how now life is lived and interpreted

HE holds the keys to life and death muse

HE gives the vision, purpose, and FATHER’s will to be used

HE is the Mystery unto a long life and eternity found in the clues

HE is the reason to live this life in HIS grace, mercy, and compassion outward ooze 

HE is the reason to live this life by faith, hope, and love inward soothes

HE is the reason to live this life by HIS Spirit Heavenward set on cruise

HE is the reason to die to selfish ambitions and from all the other distractions that woos

HE is the reason to die to worldly possessions now that life is found in HIM for a hope and future that continually pursues

HE is the reason to die to lust and evil desires for purity within lends itself to sincerity of love unto HIM a disciple proves

HE is protection from all the enemy’s ruse

HE provides healing to the scars of all that abused

You gain back more when withdrew from all the world to serve HIM choose

HE defends HIS own from who may accuse

HE embodies all truths

HE is the resurrected Good News

HE ignites the LIGHT of the world fuse

HE wins back all that you lose

 

To whom sadness casts you downward spiral; flood sows in tears when

Hold your breath so as not to drown in sudden death

HE keeps all your tears in a bottle kept in Heaven

 

To whom madness lasts, bruise inward exile, blood flows in fears often

Catch your breath to turn from suicidal death

HE frees you from fears with HIS perfect love made alive again

 

To whom badness blasts, lose backward in denial, judge woes in jeers descend

Take a breath before heading down that wrong path that leads to death

HE sees you and clears the past jeers east to west so all you are is forgiven

 

To whom callous lash out, choose outward hostile grudge, pose a threat it appears

Lose your breath for vengeance refrain from causing misled death

HE can appease your inner turmoil of anger and bitterness when HE appears to be the One to defend bringing peace within 

 

To whom gladness basks in the Good News, forward vital nudge, grows when drawn near to HIM open

Refresh new breath by the Spirit that brings new life beyond all death

HE brings a future and a hope with purpose and vision with a mission to be love now driven