Compassionate Angel

To whom one confides as an angel in disguise

Touched with her words, listened with her eyes

Approached out of nowhere exuding kindness toward

Calmed by her presence as she chose to not ignore

I wasn’t strong rather very weak without question

Weaker than I’d ever been up to then I never did mention

You were one who took the time to talk so open

Soft and gentle words encouraged when spoken

To be heard in uncertainty and confusion

A life giving spirit breaking through the delusion

A small action that was given to bring about future rewarding investment in me

For new life to once again be a possibility

Nothing felt on the outside

Yet touched nevertheless inside

Your face of compassion intent on understanding with love to impart

It must come from the LORD welling up from the depths of your heart

Glad you were there

A few minutes to share

Like a lifetime aware

Release from burdens heavy to bear

You showed you care

Brought a spark to my heart for repair

Brought hope to my soul in despair

Brought light to confront the darkness dare

There to share your gift from the start with such a unique expression arrayed

Etched in my soul and spirit in gratitude receiving quite an everlasting impression made

You were doing your job maybe even going out of your way, an extra mile per se

As shifts would change, I’d wish you were the one who’d stay to continue hearing sweet words you’d say

For it was you who brought rays of light and hope to the day

Uplifting my countenance from a deep pit of depression that you somehow did overlay

Sun shine, birds singing, therapy session, you smiling for me to be brave as you went away

 

Meredith, a God send, approached out of my nowhere by sitting near me and broke through my brokenness.  It was during my 1st hospitalization in a psych unit after my suicide attempt.  She brought me hope that somehow gained entrance into my heart, soul, mind, and spirit.  I was eternally made different because of the compassion she showed me.  One visiting angel appearing for a few moments in time changed the outlook and course of my life toward a positive redirection…  I would not see her again during my stay there.  However, she did reappear where I later got a job working with abused and neglected children.  She was working there as a counselor/social worker I believe.  I don’t know if she remembered me from our brief encounter previously.  She may never realize just how much her gift of compassion meant to me until Heaven…  Never underestimate your power to make a positive difference in others lives by talking to them in their time of need with encouragement and listening ears…

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Come to ME

 

How are you?  Really!?…  I pray for you…  I’m here for you!!… Sincerely…

How am I thought of?  I wonder.  How am I seen?  Maybe real and genuine.  Maybe off base and peculiar.  How do I come across?  Maybe human and down to earth.  Maybe human and troubled.  Maybe human with a spiritual connection to GOD and Heaven…  Probably a little of each component that makes up my whole being with much left unexplored and unknown…

My preferred way of communication is poetry.  If you have any familiarity with my site, it is engulfed by poems.  Some are simple and to the point and you understand where I’m coming from.  Some are complicated and confusing and you don’t understand what I’m talking about.

The simple and to the point come from a heightened awareness of GOD, HIS love, and times of peaceful recollection, remembrance, and restoration of HIS work in my life…  A tranquil day in the sun…  The complicated and confusing come from a darkened depression turned to mental illness in processing the lonely, anxiety ridden, and fearfully prolonged moments of a life trying to manage everything after being suicidal and making an actual attempt. A chaotic storm in the middle of the darkest night.

Maybe I need to write more like this; acquainting with you in paragraph form, thought by thought sequence, conversation style, letting you in more so to know some of my soul, to know me as a fellow human living this life to overcome and be a fighter still pressing on no matter what comes my way; facing it head on with courage and strength -even though I’m weak…

I have tried to convey faith, hope, and love in writing on this here blog to inspire, encourage, and support those struggling with depression, mental illness, abuse, and/or suicidal thoughts…  Has it made a difference for anyone?  I don’t really know.  I hope so…  not for my benefit, but for theirs and for yours…

My faith is in JESUS who is my Savior, my Redeemer, my KING of kings and LORD of lords…  My hope is in GOD the FATHER for grace and mercy in times of need…  My love works in and through me by HIS Spirit…  My faith is that you find faith in HIM too…  My hope is that you will hope in HIM too…  My love for and from HIM is for you to find HIS love too…  Faith, hope, and love remain…  And most prominently love is greater than all… And most assuredly love never fails…  HIS lovingkindness endures forever…  HIS mercy endures forever…

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  Luke 6:45

Why do I talk so much about JESUS and spiritual things?  After what HE’s miraculously done with my fallen and broken life, how can I not speak of HIM who overflows my heart and sustains my life…  My life has been radically changed by GOD’s love for me and has made an eternally positive difference all because of JESUS…  So I include HIM in all that I say in some way… Maybe there are those who are turned off by this.  I don’t know.  Maybe there are those who haven’t experienced HIS love and care as of now up to this point, thus being foreign to them and unknown. Maybe there are those who feel let down or abandoned by GOD and blame HIM for all that is wrong in their life.  Maybe there are those who just don’t know what to think or feel about all this.  Is GOD real?  If HE is, will HE help me?  Will HE be there for me?  Will HE see me through the darkness and hard things in this life?  Will HE not abandon me to myself and all that is within that consumes and drowns me?

All of the answers to these questions are “yes” in HIS timing and way…  Now will you only trust HIM and believe… If you do, your life will change and you will find new strength and purpose for a future and a hope… If you do, then you open yourself up to HIS help, to HIS forgiveness, to HIS love, and to HIS comfort and care…  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us… Ephesians 3:20

GOD wants you to come to HIM, to know HIM, to make HIM known, and to love you and through you show love to others;  saved and found by JESUS… “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.  As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’  Acts 17:24-28

These truths you can believe, trust, and build your very life upon… Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Timothy  1: 15-17

Are you ready to begin a new journey into freedom by HIS grace and mercy at work in your life?  HE will be redeeming your past, restoring your present, and replenishing you onward into the future and a hope HE has prepared since the beginning before you were even conceived in your mother’s womb and born to face the challenges and brokenness of life moving forward with faith to believe and trust, with hope as an anchor for your soul, and with love HE pours into you by HIS Spirit to now and forever love HIM and love others too…  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22: 37-39

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Have you ever wanted someone to be your friend always and forever?  To be there in the most dark and difficult times?  To be there going through what you’re going through? To never have to be alone?  To bring you to a safe and secure place providing for all your needs?  JESUS meets that need and desire…  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” —Hebrews 13:5

 

How are you?  Really!?  I pray for you…  I am here for you!!…  Sincerely…

Jeff Watts

Yet

 

Salvation believed

Inspiration received

Adoration achieved

Emancipation relieved

Captivation conceived

 

I may be quiet

Yet 

My mind is thinking of You and all that is Thine

 

I may be silent

Yet

My heart is beating for and with You together to dine

 

I may be resting

Yet

My body is needing Your touch so kind

 

I may be calm

Yet

My soul is yearning for You to restore all that is mine

 

I may be tranquil

Yet

My spirit is awaiting for You to refill within that I may shine

 

I may be of few words

Yet

I can’t thank You enough from deep inside

 

I may be very tired

Yet

I come to You for You within to reside

 

I may not be meditating on Your words often

Yet 

I want to hide them in my heart to always abide

 

I may be depressed

Yet

I continue on in faith, hope, and love so above it again will I rise

 

I may not have that look of joy

Yet

I have Your peace surpassing all understanding guarding my heart and mind

 

I may rarely laugh

Yet

I am serious with prayer and fighting for our family and others each night

 

I may not see You with my eyes

Yet

I believe by faith to please You with hope to no longer deny and love even when life goes awry

 

I may have questions

Yet

I trust You even if I never get answers to why

 

I may still have anxiety and fear at times

Yet

I will walk humbly, seek justice, and love mercy laying down pride

 

I may still await dreams to come true

Yet 

I will let the outcomes that from Your hands in Your plans will decide

 

I may wander some though wiser

Yet

I will learn to walk with You beside

 

I may not like Your discipline in my life

Yet

I discern You love me and I must die to self as You lead and guide

 

I may be weak

Yet

You are my strength and in You I find a Refuge in which to hide

 

I may think too much of past failure

Yet

I will do my best to forget what is behind, press on to run so as to win the prize, continue to fight the good fight with grace and mercy supplied

 

I may not be where I need to be at midlife

Yet

I will learn to do right with Your Word in me applied

 

I may not always be pleasing in Your sight

Yet

I have come so far by Your power and love at work in me comprised

 

I may not have many friends

Yet

I know in You I can always come to confide

 

I may not have overcome to be more than a conqueror

Yet

I will fix my eyes on You until I have arrived in Your arms open wide

 

I may not be mature

Yet

I trust You that I will come forth as gold tried and purified

 

I may not be ready to take on more with ministry

Yet 

I wait on You to work within me continually until qualified

 

I may have stumbled more numerous than I’d like to admit

Yet

I have always turned back to You, called on Your name, and on You alone relied

 

I may have come close to a tragic end

Yet

I have known Your miracle and healing ways that have surprised

 

I may have to go through another episode I really don’t want to face

Yet

I have come to know You are faithful to respond to my cries until it will subside

 

I may have enemies that for my hurt and end have come against

Yet

I know GOD works it all for my good despite how they may undermine

 

Full Circle

Had I been left astray

Alone and afraid

Had YOU not heard me pray

Darkness amplified no more day

My own life betrayed

Enemy to my life would slay

Listening to his never-ending tirade

Fiery darts and arrows air raid

Target my heart penetrate and mind dazed

Barrage my soul beyond disarray

Wound my spirit beyond dismay

Pain with no end and no delay

No longer chosen to be saved

Exist until an early grave

Torment and fear downward pave

In hell make my bed no sleep ever lay

All for naught, yet then even still YOU made a way

Suffering for a time in the fray

Not last long in the grand scheme outplay

Forgiveness given no longer have to pay

Consequences not worth it’s fools gold to pay

Discipline YOU gave set free from sin enslaved

My life remade from Living Water as is applied to this clay

Rebuild until useful in YOUR hands beyond the gray

Out of the dark into YOUR Light with new focus concentrate

Toward YOUR mercy, grace, compassion and love never trade

For all the riches of the world wouldn’t ever outweigh

Deliverance forever that came to stay

Desire grows to live now for the ONE who saves to obey

Will share from brink of tragedy to freedom’s reality convey

Make known HIS unfailing love walk in and fathom within portray

Remember that for a future and a hope HIS blood shed for me and you paid

Remind of Heaven to come; rest until then in HIS shadow of shade

Relate with you who read this about suicide forbidding, forbid, forbade

Rather point to the ONE who saves, prays, and makes a way always

Stuck thinking that you are alone and feeling afraid

Here for you to support and encourage if lost and astray

Come full circle reaching for you to draw you in to unending love today

 

 

More

More than you can see…

More than you can know…

 

Can’t see how great my passion freeing fans the flame deep inside will roar

Can’t know the fate HIS fashioning hands within leap to die still for

Can’t see how great my delight stands in awe of HIM for desires of my heart come true

Can’t know the rate Thy Light commands within HIS call into my heartbeats afire find life impart anew

 

Can’t see how great my soul was pinned -attacked again and again; brought out of death’s pit HE saved from tragedy to walk by faith in the land of the living

Can’t know the state my mind was in back then when enemy did apprehend; fought bout almost quit HE gave grace and mercy to talk as I stand of HIS forgiving

 

Can’t see how my spirit almost fatally wounded HE healed deep within to hold and keep alit that I might shine until stronger for HIM alone of love shone in compassion hone to tell of HIS good deeds

Can’t know the brokenness of hopelessness my life once felt seep out my every pore to weep remit when contrite align to HIS will no longer dimly known not my own of HIS Word sown to go where HE leads

Rest Both Awake and Asleep

Tired

Overly tired

Spread thin

yolk is easy confirmation light -go to rend the Heavens behold passion live in

Wired

Sleeplessly wired

Head spin

Invoke inspiration ignite -go to depend on HIM for soul satisfaction beyond what I imagine

Listen

Musically listen

Fed within

Spoke in affirmation from above at night -go to tend unfold thirsty ration given

Discipline

Mostly discipline

Led in

Soak in admiration with love upright -go to mend whole in mercy and compassion driven

Praying

Rally praying

fled open

Broken door revelation contrite -go in to defend those abandoned/imprisoned

Obeying

Steadfastly obeying

Tread begin

Awoken toward impassioned Light -go forth to befriend young and old uphold; then as fashioned rest again

 

 

 

 

 

 

S.T.A.R.T.S. with Giving Thanks

If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts 
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional 
for meds to help support you 
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again 
and better manage your precious life 
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!...  Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.; 
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.

Personal Thanks to GOD:

Giving thanks honors GOD and is worthwhile to do.  It helps counteract depression and fosters hope in dealing with mental illness and suicidal thoughts…

Psalm 106:1

¹ Praise the Lord.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

Psalm 50:23

²³ Those who sacrifice thank offerings honor me,
    and to the blameless I will show my salvation.”

Importance of Giving Thanks:

• Focuses on something good each day
• Over time will change perspective to be more positive
• Challenges you to do self-care and make right decisions
• Utilizes time to reflect;  may look back at any time to see how far you’ve come
• See GOD at work in your life;  brings to mind areas and ways you still need HIS help

 

There are proven scientific studies of the benefits of Gratitude:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude

Promotes well being:

• relationally
• physically
• psychologically
• in having empathy/less aggression
• in sleep
• in self-esteem
• mentally

 

 

Personal Prayer Application

I experienced well being spiritually as well as in the areas above.  When including thanks in prayers for what you need, there is peace protecting your heart and mind…  Every person with depression and/or mental illness needs this…

Philippians 4:6-7

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

Personal Journal Application:

I began by writing down anything I could be thankful for in the evenings before going to sleep.  It became a habit and an essential part of my healing journey.  I jotted down the date and briefly wrote a word or phrase of thanks to GOD.  I have many spiral notebooks full of daily thanksgivings written over many years.  This was a constructive activity that was life changing.  I grew as a person in my interactions with GOD by doing this simple task.  My outlook on life became more hopeful and I experienced more peace inside…

Psalm 9:1

¹ I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart;
    I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.

 

 

Personal Life Application:

Giving thanks for even the most difficult trials and ways we may suffer promote levels of understanding, empathy, and compassion that we can extend to others in need.  It also paves the way for greater healing and breakthroughs along the journey…

I challenge you to make the small effort of giving thanks to GOD and find out for yourself the great and wondrous benefits you will receive to help you in this endeavor called life…  You will be the better for it…

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:17

¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.