Archive for the ‘future’ Category

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Sneak peek critique interpret

Peak interest in HIS Mystique infinity;  accept accrue identity

Friends of faith (pre-requisite) didn’t give up and quit

Pleas rise from your infirmity

Let down as a paralytic

HE speaks inside the Word spoken a remedy

Your sins HE forgives quick

Release -pick up your mat and walk in HIS affinity

 

Sneak peek critique desperate

Peak interest in HIS Mystique willingly;  accept true identity

You’re your own worst critic

Knees bend broken and contrite what pleases HIM to see

Agree to receive your get out of jail free ticket

East to West free from Your sins cast beneath to bottom of the sea

HE breaks your chains to forgive to forget it 

Lease new life as tears fall in salinity

HE stands at the door to unlock it

Keys for a hope and a future in eternity 

Not just the present of whats left in your pocket

Flees the fear within into HIS perfect love intimately

 

Sneak peek critique interpret

Peak interest in HIS Mystique imminently;  accept new identity

Are you HIS own worst cynic

Esteem HIM not unclearly, may be afraid and weary, maybe blame and leery, may be contrary and angry merely

Don’t believe, understand, or agree because of all the hypocrites

Deed to your life won’t you give over to your deepest need for a Savior who bleeds love sincerely

Faith sought as HE dies for you on a cross like a criminal mimic, yet innocent grit and bear it to remit

Lead to the tomb after buried 3 days became empty

Hope caught up for HE is victorious over death arise to win it

Heed HIS voice to come follow the Way, the Truth, and the Life in synchronicity

Love brought about when HE gave HIS very life in pursuit of your mind, heart, soul, and spirit

Believe in HIS Name, conceive that your soul is HIS treasure, perceive that HE paid the price for it if you just receive

HE weaves faith, hope, and love to rescue, restore, and redeem every second and every minute

Renew with your mind to know HIS will complete

See with your heart to delight in HIM for desires to be relit

Breathe with your soul to dream a new dream

Soar by HIS Spirit (a deposit within for Heaven guarantee) with vision and purpose pure and legit

See with and walk by faith in the Trinity

True Identity

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Spiritual in the Center

 

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I admit I lost my way

A long time before

I walked away

There was nothing more

A youth to the world did sway

Nothing more to live for

My whole life bent toward decay

Within alone losing a war

Without HIM falling astray

With all of me closing doors

Saying my goodbye that day

No longer a prayer towards

Downward spiral hides sun’s rays

Carried by waves far from shore

Darkness overtakes where demons play

Losing hold of reality to ignore

Thoughts in mind collide into a daze

No longer eating much in store

Thoughts in mind attack into a haze

Depression has reached the core

Mental illness enters a new phase

Suicidal encompasses every pore

No longer can make it out of the maze

A call for help is made too late implore

Dark night of the soul crippling tase

Leave to attempt suicide ending the uproar

A compromised life with past of guilt and shame in fear at did gaze

 

I recommit to find HIS way

Even though worse off than before

I cry out from far away

There in the distance I want HIM more

A youth Heavenward don’t want to sway

Faith, wavering, believe more to live for

My whole life vent for HIM to save from decay

Within alone, only for HIM invite to fight my war

Without others to help, HE seeks this lost sheep astray

With all of me knocking for HIM to open my heart’s door

Reunion to come inside being there for me every day

Weaker, but stronger in prayer towards

Lifting me up from the pit to see again sun’s rays

Walks on water rescuing from drowning leading me to shore

Darkness is Light to HIM and the demons will flee from play

Winning HE holds my reality and doesn’t ignore

Renewing my mind to get out of a daze

Eating meals again to regain strength in store

Fight the good fight thinking on truth to see through the haze

Depression lifting for HE has reached into my core

With mental illness, HE is strong entering into redemptions phase

Desiring to live right anew with grace, mercy, and compassion releasing from every pore

Now stronger HE leads me into the land of the living out of the maze

A call on HIS name saves me and wasn’t too late for HIM when I’d implore

HE is ever ready and willing to enter the dark night of the soul healing from what did tase

Retrieved me after my attempt from suicide ending the uproar

A new life for a hope and a future free of guilt and shame without fear into HIS eyes will gaze

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Once walked along without a care

Once ran around real fast ready a dare

Once slept dreaming of another day… now rare

 

Then walked broken hearted

When confidence in departed

Been wishing to go back where it started

 

Fell into depression’s futile trance ridden of hope’s stride no longer find; fail to my health reapply deeply shy with no one to whom confide ever more and more withdrawn;  needed to humbly ask the ONE who will reveal an answer

Fell into a victim’s neutral stance hidden to cope inside though conjure denied; curtail my stealth reside -confined weeping; try to come back alive tether more and more foregone;  needed to humbly seek the ONE for a remedy from the cancer

Fell into lowest esteem and no youthful dance; forbidden to mope resigned so maunder unkind rail against myself pry keeping pride to bide my time however more and more wrong;  needed to humbly knock to be open to the ONE who rescues from disaster

 

Sink in deepest pit, quick trip, land unable to see the light in darkest of night

Sink in steepest sin, in quicksand, unstable reprieve with fright in starkness of plight

Sink in bleakness dim, a quick whim unplanned; disable to leave life pinned regardless of suicide

 

All I could do to look up heavenward and call on HIS name one day to be redeemed steering where I’ll mend; restore with new faith in Maker within… securely toward for others to newly see

All I could do to hold on to be reassured until wall of shame pervade to be free not fearing the end; implore with new hope anchor within… purely to mentor others truly in need

All I could do to keep up and believe occurred until relit aflame persuade to be devotee nearing an open door continuing on with love clangor within… sincerely to award others duly in deed

 

Reminder of the mud and mire where I would wallow solo

Turn back to HIM in repentance from being shallow to now follow

Mercy, grace, and compassion filled the hollow after many a blow

 

Once again I walk along this time with HIS care and my cross to bear

Once again I run the race this time for HIM alone I’ll dare to share 

Once again I dream now while awake in each new day unto HIM not so rare more aware

 

Found faith to go on as a searcher finding within freedom

Found hope to know of a future guiding in HIS Kingdom

Found love to grow from Whom will nurture abiding into a beacon lead ‘em

 

Faith, hope, and love is needed through every high and low

Faith, hope, and love remain to forever show

The greatest of these is love to eternally overflow

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I know the rise and fall

I know my demise and HIS call

Will I arise to follow with my all or wallow just to stall

Choose to be wise chosen or who I am defeats; hides unopened

 

I know standing at HIS commanding and in the pit landing amiss stranding

I know sinking expanding and faltering blinking for help demanding

Will I live or will I die

Choose to give or stay awry

 

I know to press on in forward humble motion and the stress from backward stumble demotion

I know to address the cause of Christ in devotion and to digress a pause of thrice commotion

Will I be one who will blaze a trail or be one who still strays to only fail

Choose to gaze at HIS eyes entail to prevail or stuck in a haze to then derail

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me rise to answer HIS call submitting to extend for others to do the same

I now know HE’s the only One who hears my cries to answer when I fall uplifting me to mend though I’m to blame

I now know I will follow the only One who saves souls as wise to answer by knitting within eternity for whoever calls on HIS Name

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me stand on the Rock of Salvation commanding contrite obey;  guiding 77 x 7 resurrection’s forgiven to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who delivers from the pit with Mighty Right hand; secures chock concentration abandoning fright away; abiding to listen with detections mission closer to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who is the reason I will live with open hand; give stock elation notwithstanding any plight dismay; igniting faith, hope, and love given anew and unto HIM

 

I now know HE’s the only One who moves me by HIS Spirit firsthand to take stock with HIS rations banding together to fight the good fight each day; inciting justice to lend course corrections driven by truth in love through HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who has a Master’s plan for HIS flock since creation longstanding, despite shame denying detections I even knew HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who makes a way in the desert sand; knock to open hydration streams in the wasteland bring sight always providing reflections into HIM

 

Arise Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again

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But everything exposed by the light becomes visible–and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”  Ephesians 5:13-14

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Before having insurance and beginning my career in the teaching profession, I was playing basketball and tore my ACL.  I was on crutches for awhile.  When I got my first teaching job and a coaching position, I limped with pain.  I continued to pray during the school year for GOD to heal me. What else was there to do anyway? I didn’t give up hope.  I was in pain for quite awhile with no relief in sight.  After 7 months, GOD finally answered and took my pain away.  I was able to walk with free unhindered motion again.  There were times my knee would hurt and I’d remember GOD’s mercy and thank HIM for it.  HE then healed it again and I felt no pain.  This has been a running theme in my life with this wound in my knee.  When it hurts, I thank GOD for HIS mercy and then HE takes away my pain.  Several years ago, I thought of getting surgery on my knee to finally get it fixed.  After getting the MRI done on it, the doctor showed my old ACL injury.  Then he showed me I had a new injury on top of it.  You see, I played basketball again being careful with jumping because I learned that my bad cholesterol was high and I needed to exercise again.  So my thoughts were it’s either my knee or my heart that I prioritize.  I chose to strengthen my heart.  I began exercising at a gym and playing basketball again.  The new injury is a bucket holder meniscus tear along with my ACL tear.  The cost of surgery was very high and I opted for not getting it.  My family’s needs came first and foremost.  I haven’t gotten the surgery to this day and walk around with two wounds in my knee that may never get fixed here on earth.  Ever so often, the pain returns and I thank GOD for HIS mercy in my life and the pain once again dissipates even though the wounds are still present.

My wife has had two strokes in the last year.  The numbness to parts of her body have gone away.  She can still talk.  Sometimes the words don’t come as fluently and finding the right word may be difficult.  She gets headaches in parts of her brain that were affected by the strokes.  She is depressed.  She is depressed because she cannot do as much as she once did, think like she once did, be a part of working and supporting the family more, and being hopeful for a better day is challenged.  Thoughts of what if I do not get well again?  CT scans, MRI, EKG, other heart tests, and blood tests have all come back normal.  However, she doesn’t feel normal.  This has been difficult for her to cope with.  Suicidal thoughts have been present off and on, but she will never commit suicide. To her it is not an option.  I am thankful that GOD provided a job for online teaching that I can do to support our family more so now that she is unable to work along with my teaching job I have in public school.  She has been wounded by unexpected health struggles now.  There may not be an explanation that we find out about for why?  Why did this happen?  What must she do to get back on her feet?  Will she regain abilities again one day?  We will continue to pray and trust GOD through this…  She’s wounded and there may not be complete healing.  At least for now.  In the future?  I hope so, I really do!!  In Heaven, yes!!!…

Last Sunday while I was teaching online at night, I heard my dog barking emphatically.  I kept on teaching for this was my job to do.  When I got a break, I went to tell my two oldest kids to check on him.  I knew something wasn’t right.  I had to get back to teaching.  My kids didn’t go check on our dog.  When teaching was through, I went myself to check on him and he was bleeding at various parts of his left front leg.  We have a metal paneled fence and it has a 2 or 3 inch gap at the bottom.  My initial evaluation was that he got his leg caught in the fence and there were two places with jagged edges and that is why he had multiple cuts.  My wife and daughter took him to an emergency vet center an hour away.  The Vet said that there were definite puncture wounds from another dog.  As I rethought what happened, I believe another dog was able to grab a hold onto his leg with its teeth and pulled his leg under the fence biting and yanking on it.  His leg rubbed up against the metal fence panel’s bottom edge as well as the two places that had jagged points.  The Vet had to amputate one of his toes, because of the trauma done to it.  He was put on antibiotics and pain meds.  A cone was placed around his neck to keep him from bothering the sutures put in to close the wounds and allow for quicker healing to take place.  Well, the cone wasn’t long enough for him not to lick his wound where the toe was amputated.  I called the E.R. vet clinic today to ask about him licking this wound where it is still raw.  They told me that, he needed another cone to wear so he doesn’t keep licking it or it won’t heal.  I took him an hour away to get a new cone for him and to see if anything else needs to be done.  The vet came to tell me that she would prescribe a stronger antibiotic and that she would not be able to close the wound due to there not being enough skin to put sutures in to cover it.  She said the wound will have to heal on its own.  She told me to run water on it like hydrotherapy for 10 minutes and put an ointment on it once a day.  He was so dependent on me this week to show him love and comfort.  He was definitely traumatized and needed the attention and care.  He was not happy tonight with the cool water running over the wound.  He looked at me differently than the previous times of feeding him and letting him drink holding the bowl up to him for easier access with the cone around his head hampering him a bit.  He hates the cold for he is short haired and the cold water made him shiver.  It’s winter and he doesn’t like being outside.  He was coming in at night to stay in the kennel every night before all this and now he stays inside most of the day too in order to rest and recover.  Hopefully the wound heals on its own and he will walk easier again even without one of his toes.

Sometimes we experience wounds that do not fully heal here on earth.  Some wounds may take a long time for healing to occur and we have to wait…  Some wounds have to heal on its own and there will be a loss involved that needs to be grieved.  We will enter Heaven with scars for sure and only be completely healed there…  Even so, I will keep praying for more healing now and all my days that I live…  Keep fighting and overcoming even when life isn’t fair and things aren’t going the way you expected…

If you’ve been wounded in any way, trust the LORD for your healing HE will give here or in Heaven…  Life is a battle so let HIM help you if you’re a wounded soldier (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually)…

 

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A new day dawns

A previous year gone

A new year begun

A studious you -will run

A new song sung

An obedience to YOU clung

A new heart and spirit in the SON

A serious vision with more freedom among

A new path to walk along

A mysterious way to belong

 

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How are you?  Really!?…  I pray for you…  I’m here for you!!… Sincerely…

How am I thought of?  I wonder.  How am I seen?  Maybe real and genuine.  Maybe off base and peculiar.  How do I come across?  Maybe human and down to earth.  Maybe human and troubled.  Maybe human with a spiritual connection to GOD and Heaven…  Probably a little of each component that makes up my whole being with much left unexplored and unknown…

My preferred way of communication is poetry.  If you have any familiarity with my site, it is engulfed by poems.  Some are simple and to the point and you understand where I’m coming from.  Some are complicated and confusing and you don’t understand what I’m talking about.

The simple and to the point come from a heightened awareness of GOD, HIS love, and times of peaceful recollection, remembrance, and restoration of HIS work in my life…  A tranquil day in the sun…  The complicated and confusing come from a darkened depression turned to mental illness in processing the lonely, anxiety ridden, and fearfully prolonged moments of a life trying to manage everything after being suicidal and making an actual attempt. A chaotic storm in the middle of the darkest night.

Maybe I need to write more like this; acquainting with you in paragraph form, thought by thought sequence, conversation style, letting you in more so to know some of my soul, to know me as a fellow human living this life to overcome and be a fighter still pressing on no matter what comes my way; facing it head on with courage and strength -even though I’m weak…

I have tried to convey faith, hope, and love in writing on this here blog to inspire, encourage, and support those struggling with depression, mental illness, abuse, and/or suicidal thoughts…  Has it made a difference for anyone?  I don’t really know.  I hope so…  not for my benefit, but for theirs and for yours…

My faith is in JESUS who is my Savior, my Redeemer, my KING of kings and LORD of lords…  My hope is in GOD the FATHER for grace and mercy in times of need…  My love works in and through me by HIS Spirit…  My faith is that you find faith in HIM too…  My hope is that you will hope in HIM too…  My love for and from HIM is for you to find HIS love too…  Faith, hope, and love remain…  And most prominently love is greater than all… And most assuredly love never fails…  HIS lovingkindness endures forever…  HIS mercy endures forever…

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  Luke 6:45

Why do I talk so much about JESUS and spiritual things?  After what HE’s miraculously done with my fallen and broken life, how can I not speak of HIM who overflows my heart and sustains my life…  My life has been radically changed by GOD’s love for me and has made an eternally positive difference all because of JESUS…  So I include HIM in all that I say in some way… Maybe there are those who are turned off by this.  I don’t know.  Maybe there are those who haven’t experienced HIS love and care as of now up to this point, thus being foreign to them and unknown. Maybe there are those who feel let down or abandoned by GOD and blame HIM for all that is wrong in their life.  Maybe there are those who just don’t know what to think or feel about all this.  Is GOD real?  If HE is, will HE help me?  Will HE be there for me?  Will HE see me through the darkness and hard things in this life?  Will HE not abandon me to myself and all that is within that consumes and drowns me?

All of the answers to these questions are “yes” in HIS timing and way…  Now will you only trust HIM and believe… If you do, your life will change and you will find new strength and purpose for a future and a hope… If you do, then you open yourself up to HIS help, to HIS forgiveness, to HIS love, and to HIS comfort and care…  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us… Ephesians 3:20

GOD wants you to come to HIM, to know HIM, to make HIM known, and to love you and through you show love to others;  saved and found by JESUS… “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.  As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’  Acts 17:24-28

These truths you can believe, trust, and build your very life upon… Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Timothy  1: 15-17

Are you ready to begin a new journey into freedom by HIS grace and mercy at work in your life?  HE will be redeeming your past, restoring your present, and replenishing you onward into the future and a hope HE has prepared since the beginning before you were even conceived in your mother’s womb and born to face the challenges and brokenness of life moving forward with faith to believe and trust, with hope as an anchor for your soul, and with love HE pours into you by HIS Spirit to now and forever love HIM and love others too…  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22: 37-39

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Have you ever wanted someone to be your friend always and forever?  To be there in the most dark and difficult times?  To be there going through what you’re going through? To never have to be alone?  To bring you to a safe and secure place providing for all your needs?  JESUS meets that need and desire…  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” —Hebrews 13:5

 

How are you?  Really!?  I pray for you…  I am here for you!!…  Sincerely…

Jeff Watts