Archive for the ‘Freedom’ Category

Could have been me

Easily

No longer breathe

A tragedy

That fateful day

After astray

Suicide attempt betray

Fallen away?

 

Come up for air

Aware of sun’s glare

Empty

Deaths door no more dare

Stare with fear beyond repair

Eerily 

Get up and walk again

What happened

Accursed me 

Lost and afraid wide open

Cost only delayed beside broken

Eternally?

 

Many years fought fear aplenty

Desperately

Remain to breathe

A fallacy?

3 times denied enter confined in hospital of psychiatry

Repeated malady

Shown again and again and again mercy

Restored faithfully

 

Walk by faith this 4th time trusting in continuing

Beyond my dignity

Lay down my life to fully losing it resurfacing

Found life resurrecting

Keep the faith in HIS truth liberating

Beyond understanding

Await the day set free releasing

Love overcomes fear ceasing

 

Now help with burdens to bear

For all the suicidal and mentally ill care

Resiliency

Persevere to share

That faith, hope, and love will always be there

As a remedy

Awaited on HIM for new strength again

In HIS time the mind, heart, soul, and spirit mend

Redeeming

Words inspired by HIS life given

Driven by HIS love with purpose and vision

Into eternity…

Sooner or later

Discover a hole

Like helium out of a balloon

Unable to rise again

 

Sooner or later

Discover a slit

Like air out of a flat tire

Stuck in a rut

 

Sooner or later

Discover the pressure

Like air deflating the lungs

Hard to breathe

 

Sooner or later

Discover the empty space within

Like nothing can ever fill or another can’t ever fulfill

Lost in despair

 

Sooner or later

Discover the mind not shutting up or shutting down

Like haywire, a trip wire, wires crossed

Sparking thoughts racing or turned off distressed

 

Sooner or later

Discover the heart is broken

Like pieces of a puzzle knowing some are missing

Not able to be complete

 

Sooner or later

Discover the soul is wandering in the desert or wilderness

Like needed water is drying up 

Thirst can’t be quenched

 

Sooner or later

Discover the spirit longing for something more

Like a dream out of reach

Awake each day hopeless or empty

 

Later than sooner

Discover HE fills the empty space within

Faith is activated when HIS Spirit newly opens after life of sin

Hope is elevated by HIS WORD duly awoken the promises to trust in

Love is emanated from HIS Life healing what’s broken to no longer be hidden

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS grace

Lifts your head again and again

Until you begin to soar high above it all

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS mercy

Lifts you up out of the pit where you sit

Releasing you to walk openly in the land of the living

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS compassion

Meets you where you’re at 

Holding you up in your weakness until stronger

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS Light 

Penetrates the darkness

Bringing you out into freedom

 

Later than sooner 

Discover HIS WORD is able to renew your mind

Processes wisdom into a new train of thoughts

Alleviating the tormenting with soundness, clarity, and peace prove profound

 

Later than sooner 

Discover HIS Hands can mold, shape, and revive the heart

Gives its desires to come true as one delights in HIM continually

Creating it anew to be pure and whole

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS Presence provides green pasture and still waters to restore the soul

Satisfies the hunger with Daily Bread and quenches the thirst with Living Water

Protecting you through the valley of the shadow with rod and staff

 

Later than sooner

Discover HIS purpose and vision of HIS will for you to quicken and refresh the spirit

Leads you on paths of righteousness to follow for HIS name sake

Initiating your destiny while you live here on earth moving forward until reaching and entering Heaven

Where Would I Be?  Had I Not Known…

Now I have faith, hope, and love to be shown…

And the WORD of HIS Way, Truth, and Life as seeds to be sown…

To walk the straight and narrow until Heaven’s my home…

 

Had to lose myself so weak

To find out who I’m meant to be in HIM set free

 

Had to fall into insanity

To regain a sound mind who has HIS peace opposite of vanity

 

Had to die to selfishness then to self brevity

To arise again who knows HIS reality

 

Had to wander on my own

To learn by faith going HIS Way I’m not alone

 

Had to cast my cares and anxieties upon HIM ongoing interrupt

To endure and persevere with hope for HIS grace, mercy, and compassion showing up

 

Had to seek HIM in the darkness with so much doubt

To trust in HIM as the Light who leads the way out

 

Had to face the giant of fear

To receive HIS love when near until fear would disappear

 

Have to share my testimony no longer lost in sin and lonely

To make JESUS known my destiny -made stronger in HIM only

Burn like fire inside

For only HIM will reside

Follow with faith flames higher

Go with hope aims desire

Spread the love reclaims acquire

Into forest of trees

Between heats intensity

With the smoke rise above perceives

Heaven’s calling for all these conceives

Fresh air ascend upon the clouds newly breathes

Sees from the skies surroundings of the lost in need

Readily descend again for many HE intends to retrieve

Back into and through wildfire beneath

Reaching all for uplifting

Those in the mud and mire

Those in dire straights inspire

Those in death’s shadow soon expire

Those on the edge of hellfire

Those trapped in the crossfire

Those hurting from a backfire

Those whose minds went haywire

Those with dreams to aspire

Those who step in rather than retire

For all the rest HE does require

Set hearts afire inside release to be

Get souls for in HIM resides only peace to free

Met spirits with HIS Spirit cease fears to find relief

Let everyone’s lives bear fruit that increase to finally see

The King of kings high above believe

With provision more than enough of to receive

Who feeds the hungry and brings drink to the thirsty

Where grace falls upon for humbling along the journey

When compassion is a healthy serving 

How HE washes over with waves of mercy

Why HE rescues and redeems into HIS Mystery

To offer vision and purpose in HIS Word for rediscovery

Legends never die

So they say

Yet I know

JESUS did

Once and for all

 

HE would not deny

HIS will to obey

For love to show

JESUS equipped

To answer HIS call

 

There’s a love

In the air tonight

Death on a cross

Laid it down a silent fight

Hope to win from a loss

Could HE have had it right

HE surely counted the greatest cost

Faith to save souls beyond the violent sight

 

Why did HE have to die

HE had done nothing wrong

For the lost to find like you and I

Redemption give for freedom’s song

Dreaded darkness seems to deny

Hearts broken and broken dreams all but gone

 

Buried hidden until 3rd day ensue

Risen again to new life lead and guide

Victory over sin, death, and hell prove true

Believing now at an all time high

Sharing the Good News soon pursue

Resurrection and the Life brought to Light

 

HIS shed blood purifies all that is mine

Forgiven to be who I’m meant to be

HE holds the keys to Heaven and hell remind

Adopted into GOD’s family setting me free

HE intercedes from Heaven for me as High Priest divine

Called to tell of HIM boldly sharing my testimony is my destiny

 

After reading Matthew Malin’s post Severing the Chains of Regret:  Is it Possible?, it reminded me of times in my own life dealing with regrets and prompted within me a desire to shed more light on the subject…

Before I do, I will also share in one of many regrets of an attempt to impress a young girl as a middle school teenager.  I was riding my 10 speed bike and peddled as fast as I could by her as she watched from upon my porch.  I realize at the last second upon reaching the  6″ curb that I must brake = I flipped completely head over heels with bike following in tow over me into a heap as I landed hard on my back.  Yah, so much for that stunt.  I wonder what she thought about it?

And one more for good measure is my first date as a 17 year old taking a girl to a movie.  I have no recollection of what the feature show was called or what it was about. But what I do remember is taking her home, getting out of the car, gently placing both of my hands on the sides of her face, and the good intention of giving her a kiss on her forehead out of respect before saying good night.  However, she looked up to kiss me and I kissed her nose.  Yep!?  I attempted once more and the same result occurred.  Nope!  Not doing that again.  The next day looking at the doorway (as I sat in my seat in an empty classroom awaiting for its start) there she appeared and stood waiting for me as if she still cared for me.  Try as I might have wanted to -regret and embarrassment took over and I didn’t move let alone respond.  After a few minutes, she turned and walked away.  Needless to say, it was the first and last date I had in high school.

How to Respond to Our Regrets

I wholeheartedly agree with Matthew’s take on regrets (author of Confessions), that it factors into everyone’s life at some point if live long enough to deal with it, lose from it, fail in it, and have to face it. And he is right that JESUS is the answer…

HE is the answer to our dilemma of regret (past actions of our own doing or performed against us by others, present guilt or shame, and future handling of its weight:

  • pressing upon us
  • repressing within us
  • suppressing all positive forward response from us
  • and/or oppressing over every facet of our lives

 

We may not forget our regrets, yet we may still be forgiven, experience breakthroughs,  and thus find freedom to finally move forward into further maturity…

JESUS forgives to rescue our lives, forgives to restore our lives, and forgives to redeem our lives…

Peter experienced a rescue from JESUS when he came to believe and trust in HIM while following HIM.

Peter experienced a restoration after failing in faithfulness to JESUS (forsaking HIM 3 times) in moments of anxiety, confusion, fear, darkness, and weakness -yet gaining a deeper level of forgiveness after JESUS returned to him to continue the relationship with HIS faithfulness, HIS hope filled reunion, and HIS perfect love given.

Peter experienced a redemption when given the renewed responsibility to spread the Good News of salvation ordained by JESUS knowing HE had risen from the dead and still loved and valued him beyond the failures and regrets of guilt and shame he had harbored…

Our first and foremost response is to turn to HIM for forgiveness:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  John 3:16-17

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  1 John 1:9

HE forgives to rescue:

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  Romans 10:9

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:10

As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” Romans 10:11

For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile–the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:12-13

HE forgives to restore:

Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good.  Psalm 25:7

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.  Isaiah 54:4

HE forgives to redeem:

For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed.  Isaiah 50:7

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.  Psalm 34:5

And so, I share this because HE is real; HE is faithful to respond and rescue when turning to HIM by grace through faith; HE is able and willing to restore hope to anyone’s soul through mercy and compassion; HE fully redeems anyone’s life changing the whole trajectory of one’s path onto the straight and narrow with HIS Light and encouraging Word and over time casting out fears with HIS perfect love that never fails…

With HIS forgiveness in being rescued, restored, and redeemed we may become inspired and motivated to tell others about what we’ve:

  • discovered to be the Way out of darkness and regret
  • found to be the Truth toward walking in HIS Light and back into the land of the living after each regret
  • experienced to be the new Life granted with purpose and with vision beyond any and all regrets

 

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.” Romans 1:16-17

With forgiveness, all of us may continue to keep fighting and overcoming…

As you sit here after reading this, JESUS stands at the door of your heart and knocks.  Will you respond?  Regrets and/or embarrassment doesn’t have to keep you immovable like in a chair in an empty classroom as an awkward and lonely teenager nor keep you from the greatest gift of HIS unfailing love and forgiveness that may be yours for simply turning to HIM and asking for it.  HE doesn’t walk away, but is waiting for you still -here… now…

For he says, “In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.” I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation. 2 Corinthians 6:2

HIS forgiveness is HIS key to our hearts:

  • with faith in HIM as our response to know
  • with hope toward HIM as our realization to grow
  • with love from HIM as our reward and to do unto others owe…
  • with HIS Word as our reason into others sow…
  • with HIS Living Water refilling our cups as a reservoir to overflow into channels of HIS grace, mercy, and compassion to show…

Notice I didn’t include in the title “HAPPY” New Year.  I do want you to be happy, but I know and understand many are not for they are dealing with difficult things even extremely severe pain/despair/loss, suicidal thoughts, and/or mental illness.  You are not alone… I thank all of you who have followed this blog and I’m here for anyone who needs support, encouragement, and care…  Reach out to me anytime!!…

JESUS understands all about whatever you’re facing and HE desires to be there for you in it, through it, and on into new life…

It is officially 2020 and what comes to mind is 20/20 vision which is considered good eyesight for humans to have…  How is your vision now?

Do you look on with faith, hope, and love or doubt, anxiety, and fear?…

If you have faith, hope, and love in JESUS (looking to HIM for your help) despite what circumstances you’re dealing with, you’re trusting HIM through it all no matter what so you can move forward along your journey…

If you have doubt, anxiety, and fear in yourself or others; the circumstances you’re dealing with become overwhelming and make one feel stuck…

What do you want your vision to be this year in 2020?

Can it be directed upward to whom your help comes from ultimately?

Can it change from despair within yourself or from mistrust in others?

Yes, you can change course by bringing everything you are to JESUS who will daily bear your burdens and give your soul rest… then onward, pressing on, to moving forward with HIM as HE leads you into new life…

There is available to every one of us a more perfect vision that is spiritual and action oriented…

I call it KING Vision 17/17…

It is a way of looking at our life in HIS love, through HIS love, and with HIS love for GOD and for others to continually pursue in order to know, to grow, and to show…

JESUS is the KING of kings…

Vision is viewing life with purpose on mission…

17/17 is inspired by Proverbs 17:17 which states firstly “A friend loves at all times…”

JESUS is our friend that is able to love us at all times…

Knowing this helps us love GOD and others at all times…

How about adopting KING Vision 17/17 in this year of 2020 that is better than 20/20 human vision?

At 2 years old, I had a very high fever that wouldn’t break.  I was taken to the hospital and the doctors couldn’t get it down either…  I ended up having seizures and was placed in an ice bath with hopes of bringing the temp down and not succumbing to an early death.  This experience may have contributed to me having a crossed eye and loss of vision.  At 4 years old, I had surgery on my left eye to shorten the muscle so as not to have an extreme cross eye.  I have not had unaided 20/20 vision since…  I needed corrective lenses to help me see better and obtain as close to 20/20 vision as can be had.

If I could have glasses/contacts made that help correct my vision by an optometrist, then wouldn’t it be possible for GOD to correct our spiritual vision in a greater way?  HE has done it for me…  HE can for you too!!…  Nothing is impossible for HIM!!!

Today is the first day of the new year 2020, so many choose to make new year’s resolutions which can lead to positive life-changing results.  More often than not, many resolutions fall by the wayside.

With GOD however, HIS mercies are new every morning, HIS compassions fail not…

You need to know this, so that when new year’s resolutions are met with adversity or failure you may still have hope each new morning…  Yes, today is 1/1/2020.  Yet, remember GOD gives each day as a new start and HIS compassions for you will not fail even when you do fail…

Does your vision for 2020 hold on to only what you’ve done today, for days in a row, for this week, or for even this whole year?

Would you rather have KING Vision 17/17 where love is available at all times and every day is a new start to accept change, accept healing, accept forgiveness of self/others, accept new life each and every day and accept new endeavors meant for you to be a part of one day?!…

New life is found in JESUS for HE is the Way, the Truth, and the Life…  HE changed water into wine…  HE can renew your mind with peace to not resign…  HE can repair your broken heart to be one of a kind…  HE can recreate a pure heart for new innocence to find…  HE can restore your despairing soul with peace to realign…  HE can redeem your wounded spirit with new found freedom in HIS love forever remind…  You can remain in faith, hope, and love eternally within HIS grace, mercy, and compassion with new beginnings to brightly shine…

What I got

Is more than a lot

SON of GOD my Savior purchased me won with blood took a toll

Grace through faith in HIM saved me come flood my soul

 

When I fought

Lost a war as a prisoner caught

Good Shepherd came to find me in a deep pit

Mercy and compassion reached to lift me up and now will I submit

 

More than ever

Better late than never

KING of kings purchased me forevermore so I will press on leaving what’s behind

Faith, hope, and love I can no longer ignore so in return I respond to others in kind

 

What I live for now

Is far beyond what I can think, ask, or imagine endow

FATHER of Lights shine down as I walk humbly along abiding

All my delights in HIM for desires come true of Heaven each new dawn reminding 

 

When I sought

Found YOUR will inside my heart wrought

The Potter forms this clay confide until I decide chosen behoove from above to follow

Listen and obey one day guide until I’d open to prove HIS love anew unfold

 

More than silver and gold

Is wisdom bought to save souls behold

Redeemer and High Priest fights the battles I couldn’t win alone

Freedom arise released ignites the Fruit of the Spirit to be shown

 

For all the lost

To and fro tossed

Come gather to hear the Good News

Freedom after when listen and take in Victories Truths

Your destiny is to believe and be saved

HIS ministry to receive all that HE gave

 

For all the found

Who still doubt

Come gather at HIS throne to gain grace and mercy needed

Freedom after to continue on as more than a conqueror heeded

Your destiny is to believe and press on Heavenward go

HIS ministry to receive courage and confidence to know

 

For all who follow

Pursue HIS will to show

Come gather to bring all glory, honor, and praise

Freedom after giving to the call of the FATHER:  told your story, mold by the Potter, and behold  all your days

Your destiny to hear “Well, done good and faithful servant”

HIS ministry to draw near as you draw near so fervent

 

For all who are weary and heavy burdened

Queue to await renewed strength thats certain

Come gather around HIM for rest for your soul

Freedom after abound with zest traded for what took a toll

Your destiny to experience HIM faithful and true

HIS ministry for resilience as HE makes all things new

 

For all who are wounded in the battle torn

Construe you’re still included to channel prayer for others who mourn

Come gather reputed for giving your all until made whole

Freedom after lucid, rooted, and grounded with compassion to console

Your destiny is genuineness in HIM to understand with breakthrough

HIS ministry is deliverance by HIM in HIS plan for healing and Refuge kept for you

 

Once upon a child

I was free to run

Alongside the wind

Short distance only

 

Once upon a teenager

I withdrew of peers among to run far from

Against the wind

Kept my distance lonely

 

Once upon a young adult

I couldn’t keep up the pace stunned no longer run

Blown by the wind

Lost my life far in the distance solely

 

Once upon an older adult

I was free again this time by the SON in this race will gladly run

With the Spirit as goes the wind

To go the distance boldly by HIS blood with a testimony

 

 

Oceans deeper than I knew

At the surface shallow depth of blue

 

Darkness fades into black beneath

Starkest sins forgiven sink to bottom soon left bequeath

 

Touch of sun’s glow at dawn rising and dusk falling

Much unknown below of bygones; capsizing? -reach in trust calling

 

You’re not meant to carry the weight of magnetic pull to the ocean’s floor

HIS plan will bury the bait/hook/line/sinker you fell into; empathetic full motion of waves send you back to shore

 

Space where stars and moon have no access to shine no need to ever know

Grace through faith to Heaven will rise you above to see freedom from, no longer blind, to forever go

Why am I inspired late at night

Why not when the sun is bright

I guess the darkness is what you saved me from

I profess YOUR Light given is what has brought my freedom

It’s YOUR blood poured out that has bought my life back from the dead

It’s YOUR Word of life that has taught me to renew my mind to offset dread

It’s YOUR Spirit that has caught my undivided attention to walk on ahead

It’s YOUR Presence that has sought my soul deserving punishment to restore instead

It’s YOUR touch that has given my life vision and purpose to be mission led

It’s YOUR love that has chased away the fear and how now life is lived and interpreted

 

Reach for the stars

However far

 

What’s better by far

Save souls to shine like stars

 

Dream of Heaven’s Light

However bright

 

What’s brilliance beyond sun to earth so bright

Reflect HIS love walking in the Light

 

Get to know to do GOD’s will

However difficult

 

What’s the cost and then count it all joy to takes steps difficult

Overcome fears more than a conqueror to carry out HIS perfect will

 

Wait on HIM for renewed strength

However long

 

What’s the difference it will make, to walk the extra mile, to help others along the way all life long

Depend on HIM in trust and humility to provide all that is needed found in HIS strength

 

Long for HIS appearing 

However busy

 

What’s the focus need to be as a priority that is worthy to keep us busy

Delight oneself in HIM above it all ready with faith to show at HIS great appearing

 

Live pure to be secure

However tempting

 

What’s the purpose other than to order one’s steps aright to set face like flint forward on the straight and narrow right on past tempting

Seek Heaven’s wisdom to find pure motives being pure lived out continually until one day see GOD and be found in HIM secure

HE holds the keys to life and death muse

HE gives the vision, purpose, and FATHER’s will to be used

HE is the Mystery unto a long life and eternity found in the clues

HE is the reason to live this life in HIS grace, mercy, and compassion outward ooze 

HE is the reason to live this life by faith, hope, and love inward soothes

HE is the reason to live this life by HIS Spirit Heavenward set on cruise

HE is the reason to die to selfish ambitions and from all the other distractions that woos

HE is the reason to die to worldly possessions now that life is found in HIM for a hope and future that continually pursues

HE is the reason to die to lust and evil desires for purity within lends itself to sincerity of love unto HIM a disciple proves

HE is protection from all the enemy’s ruse

HE provides healing to the scars of all that abused

You gain back more when withdrew from all the world to serve HIM choose

HE defends HIS own from who may accuse

HE embodies all truths

HE is the resurrected Good News

HE ignites the LIGHT of the world fuse

HE wins back all that you lose

 

To whom sadness casts you downward spiral; flood sows in tears when

Hold your breath so as not to drown in sudden death

HE keeps all your tears in a bottle kept in Heaven

 

To whom madness lasts, bruise inward exile, blood flows in fears often

Catch your breath to turn from suicidal death

HE frees you from fears with HIS perfect love made alive again

 

To whom badness blasts, lose backward in denial, judge woes in jeers descend

Take a breath before heading down that wrong path that leads to death

HE sees you and clears the past jeers east to west so all you are is forgiven

 

To whom callous lash out, choose outward hostile grudge, pose a threat it appears

Lose your breath for vengeance refrain from causing misled death

HE can appease your inner turmoil of anger and bitterness when HE appears to be the One to defend bringing peace within 

 

To whom gladness basks in the Good News, forward vital nudge, grows when drawn near to HIM open

Refresh new breath by the Spirit that brings new life beyond all death

HE brings a future and a hope with purpose and vision with a mission to be love now driven

Dusk to Night

Chase the firefly

Capture in a jar

Where you are

A child’s fun to know

 

See the light

Embrace the why

After glimpse the stars

Doesn’t seem that far

Set free from so low

 

North to South contrite

Face it to still try

Stature broken within did mar

Never give up if just restart

Stand, up to par, run to grow

 

Must remember the fight

Race that I might comply

Gather in from the dark

No matter what their scars

Faith, hope, and love will show

 

Mercy anew ignite

Grace take flight

Rapture within compassion’s spark

Go relentless win their hearts

Keep refilling cups to overflow

 

Gain wisdom’s insight

Trace HIS steps that I might

Rather serve to save as state of the art

Teach the Word faithfully so won’t depart

All I am to live as Christ and die as gain bestow

 

With truth deny the lies

Soar above lows to reach on high

Matters in life the course you chart

Seek for Heaven’s pure wisdom to impart

Remember to rescue those fallen lost below

 

Let go the fireflies

Before they die

Scatter freed from the fortifying rampart

Worthwhile to shine set apart

Never forget to glow

 

Dawn to light

Chase the prize

Recapture all who’ve missed the mark

More faith is given to embark

Pressing on so others follow -Heavenward always go

 

I was down, down so low, in a pit solo

But let’s keep it on the down low

Why share how devastating it was?

Who would want to know, anyway?

Anyway, I held on by a thread of faith

My mind agonizing in the darkness for some peace to find

Anyway, I reached out blindly with my heart for hope

My eyes straining in the darkness for some light to appear

Anyway, I longed deeply with my soul for love

My emotions drowning in the darkness for someone to lift me up

Anyway, I pleaded insistently with my spirit for mercy

My past caving in, my present wearing thin, my future dimmed and ending?

Anyway, I continued breathing, I kept going, I continued living, I kept breaking

My entire life leading up to a tragedy?  I can’t believe all this! -yet me is still alive now in a nightmare? 

Anyway, I am shocked that my mortality is bared open in the frozen harsh elements where only demons jaunt and my enemy ready to pounce

My equilibrium is off to never never land and I don’t understand anything going on

Anyway, this can’t be happening cascading into fear, fading fast disappear? Awaiting at death’s door panicking here

My reality disintegrating after starving myself, attempting suicide, found myself in psychosis with no longer self-control, just a failure, just a waste, just a stumbling shell of what I once was

Anyway, HE showed me mercy, extended to me grace, cared for me with compassion to grow in faith, hope, and love when crawling learning to stand, when staggering yearning to walk, when tripping returning to run, when fainting burning to soar

My life was given back to me that I didn’t deserve and I couldn’t ever earn this gift

Anyway, I now carry on with how HE rescued, restored, and redeemed me…

I once was down, down so low, in a pit solo

But I have to share how I’m not there in that dreadful place anymore and no longer left alone…

If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts 
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional 
for meds to help support you 
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again 
and better manage your precious life 
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!...  Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.; 
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.
In my acronym, S.T.A.R.T.S. will mean: 

something you do…

something new you do… 

something you continue to do…

 

Spiritual

Truths

Activated

Renew/Restore/Replenish

Together

Soundness

 

What is Forgiveness?

I did not like the definition of forgive in the Merriam Webster dictionary due in part that it said “cease to feel”.  To forgive someone or yourself is more than that and also different than that.  I believe you can forgive, yet still feel the hurt and pain until a process of healing takes place over time where feelings about it begin to diminish and for some the feeling may never fully go away.  There is more hope then to have the ability to forgive if we know that feelings involved may still linger on…  The good news is that GOD is willing, available, and able to help us forgive if we are struggling with this very thing.

So I looked up the Greek word of forgive.  It is aphíēmi.  

It comes from the root word apo and híēmi.

ἀπό apó, apo’ means:

a primary particle; “off,” i.e. away (from something near), in various senses (of place, time, or relation; literal or figurative):—(X here-)after, ago, at, because of, before, by (the space of), for(-th), from, in, (out) of, off, (up-)on(-ce), since, with.

ἵημι híēmi means:

(to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eîmi, to go)

So let’s think of forgive as even just these 2 words separately (apó) and (híēmi)

If we choose apó, then we may take “off” and move “away” (from something near) in various senses (of place, time, or relation).  Then if we choose híēmi, we may “send” it away in order “to go” forward…

This is so good what to forgive does for us.

Here is what it looks like:  I forgive __________ to take “off” this hurt done to me and move “away” from it.  I “send” it away in order “to go” forward…

Here is a new way to approach an experience of forgiving as a decision made with this process now in mind to do and an action within the heart to occur:

Ex. 1

I will forgive __________ because I need to take the abuse that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from ___________ and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others.  I “send” this abuse away to YOU GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…  Begin to heal me within…

Ex. 2

I will forgive myself because I need to take the addiction that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from addiction and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others.  I “send” this addiction away to GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…

Ex. 3

I will forgive __________ because I need to take the rejection that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from the act of rejection by ___________ and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others.  I “send” this rejection I’ve experienced away to GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…

 

When combined together, here is the meaning:

ἀφίημι aphíēmi, af-ee’-ay-mee;

from apo  G575 and ἵημι híēmi (to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eîmi, to go); to send forth, in various applications (as follow):—cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.

What is allowed:

I cry.  I cry because of what ____________ has done to me.  I cry in release from _____________ in order to forgive _____________.  I cry now that _______________ has no hold on me. I cry to begin my healing journey.

I forgive__________ for what he’s done/ she’s done/ they’ve done/ I’ve done.

I can forsake my abuser/ my addiction now that I’ve forgiven.

I lay aside what was done to me by _____________ since I’ve forgiven ____________.

I leave ____________ in the past because I’ve forgiven _____________ for a new beginning.

I let alone/be/go/have what was done to me by ______________ to be in my past for I’ve forgiven _______________ and move on so my present begins healing on into my future.

I omit __________ from my life now that I’ve forgiven _____________ who no longer will have a hold on me.

I put (send) away ___________ from affecting my life any longer since I have forgiven _______________.

I remit what _____________ has cause in my life for I forgive ________________.

suffer due to what ______________ did, but I forgive ______________  so that my suffering will let me grow in all areas to be a better person for myself and others.

I yield up ______________ to you now GOD to deal with, now that I’ve forgiven _________________.

 

Forgiveness then is letting go of the hurt and pain caused by another, others, or oneself:

  • to start anew
  • to begin the healing process
  • to drop the heavy load you’ve been carrying
  • to break off the hold another or others have had on you that is bringing you down
  • to be free from the mental anguish, internal conflicts, and/or suicidal ideation
  • to becoming more free from the emotional fears, anxieties, anger, depression in order to deal with life positively and effectively
  • to allow for grieving (5 stages:  denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)
  • to move on from toxic relationships
  • to move on past self-harm and/or addiction
  • to accept, care for, and love yourself
  • to love others and have meaningful and special relationships
  • to love GOD

 

Be Forgiven To Forgive

GOD lets us know we are all in need of ultimate forgiveness and this is accomplished by recognizing our need for our own forgiveness, asking HIM for forgiveness, and believing in and trusting in HIS SON JESUS to come into our hearts to save us and help us live a new life:

22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.  Romans 3: 22-26

You may be afraid to come to the LORD because of your own sin (it is too much, your guilt is to heavy, and your shame is unbearable), yet HE wants you to come and be forgiven:

19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,  Acts 3:19
18 “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.  Isaiah 1:18
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12

 

How can you know for sure you’re forgiven and saved:

But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim:

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:8-10

 

Who is forgiveness for:

for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  Romans 10:13

John 3:16-17

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

 

GOD in HIS Word tells us to forgive others:

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sistersins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”  Luke 17:3-4

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:31-32

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

 

What happens when you forgive as GOD wants you to?  You are still angry about what the person/people have done?  GOD says in HIS Word that HE will deal with that person/people:

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  Romans 12:19

After accepting JESUS and now being forgiven, what happens if I sin again not wanting to.  Every Believer is going to sin after receiving JESUS as LORD and Savior.  Because of your relationship being reconciled to GOD, you are now able to confess your sin to HIM and not hide it.  HE will forgive you and purify you when turning back to HIM with a repentant heart desiring for restored relationship.  Then walk again being forgiven.

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
This is in no way a license to continue sinning purposefully or in pride thinking HE won’t deal with it at some point.  HE will convict us of our sin by HIS Spirit and we will need to turn in repentance with humility.  If we are prideful and continue sinning, HE will humble us.

Hebrews 12:4-7

God Disciplines His Children

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children…

Hebrews 4:15-16

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

 

 

Examples of Forgiveness

You may have a family member or close friend that wronged you in some way, but you don’t want GOD to repay with a vengeance. Can you forgive someone close to you and pray that GOD would have mercy on them?

Yes!  A resounding yes…

Read about Moses, after getting the Ten Commandments, was told by GOD that HIS people HE rescued out of slavery from Egypt, had made an idol to worship instead of remembering GOD and what HE had done for them.  GOD was ready to punish them and said HE would put them to death and start over.  Moses prayed and asked GOD to not hold it against them and to remember HIS covenant and what HE had done to deliver HIS people.  GOD listened to Moses and relented.

 

You may have a family member/members that wronged you in some way and GOD will use you to bring about good for the one or all involved.  There may be a future story of you being used of GOD to rescue, restore, provide, or protect in some way.

Read about Joseph who was mistreated and rejected by his brothers, sold into slavery, and then rise to leadership by Pharaoh in Egypt.  GOD used Joseph to save his family from a widespread famine and ultimately forgive his brothers of their wrongdoing accepting them and their families with places to live in Egypt.

 

You may have been used by a sibling that took from your parent in some way and you received nothing or less than.

Read about when Esau Forgives Jacob after Jacob returns during a long time away from Esau.  Jacob had fled when he learned Esau wanted to kill him for taking away his birthright and then later took his father’s blessing away from Esau as well.

 

You may have sinned greatly causing much harm to yourself and another/others.  You are discouraged and don’t know if GOD will forgive “this”.

Read about David and Bathsheba where David sees her bathing and sends messenger for her to come and lay with him.  He finds out she becomes pregnant while her husband Uriah is out fighting in the war.  He tries to cover up his offense at Uriah’s expense.  When Uriah is not cooperative with David’s plan, David orders that Uriah be put on the front lines and then have the army withdraw so that he dies.  Nathan confronts David about his sin.  David turns to the LORD in repentance and asks for forgiveness.  GOD forgives David, but there are consequences for his selfish sin.  Now the child they conceived together dies.  GOD restores David and blesses him and Bathsheba when HE allows them to bear another son named Solomon.

 

Focus For Forgiveness

Here is a model prayer to pray to GOD for forgiveness from extreme guilt and shame of the greatest of sin we may have committed:

Psalm 51

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

 

 

Power of Forgiveness

I have been changed by GOD’s forgiveness of my many sins.  I have learned from HIM by HIS extending to me forgiveness through HIS grace, mercy, and compassion.  Because of this change that has taken place within me, I am more apt to extend grace to others, to show mercy with cheerfulness, to listen with compassion, and to readily encourage others who need this.  I know HIS love more for me and I am able to love HIM and others in return.  I am now able to forgive others quickly and it be a regular response I have, since I was forgiven of so many sins, failures, and poor decisions in my own life.

Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to eat. And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, and stood at His feet behind Himweeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, “This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”  Luke 7:36-50

I so love this story of JESUS forgiving this distraught woman who so powerfully showed love to HIM…  A person who is forgiven much loves much!  When you’re forgiven, you become a more loving person to GOD and to others…

Science of Forgiveness

 

Click the link below and read the full review about Forgiveness:

Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley: Forgiveness

The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley covers the following topics:

What is Forgiveness?  Why Practice It?  How Do I Cultivate It?  

It is well worth the read and has science based research about forgiveness.

Here is some of the information from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley:

What Is Forgiveness?  

We can learn about it from what forgiveness is not:

  • it’s not glossing over or denying the seriousness of the offense against you
  • it’s not having to forget the offense nor accepting/excusing the offense as ok/right
  • it’s not having to reconcile with the person who harmed you especially in the case of abuse
  • it’s not releasing them from legal accountability in the case of severe wrongs

Why Practice It?  

Here are just a few benefits:

  • makes us happier
  • protects our mental health
  • improves our health
  • sustains relationships
  • good for marriages
  • boosts kindness and connectedness

How Do I Cultivate It?

Here are just a few ways:

  • it’s something you do for you, not a gift for someone else (though I do believe you can also gift someone with forgiveness if your heart is to reconcile or help them too)
  • express your emotions to yourself and to others
  • consider what you’ve learned from what happened to you -if there has been something positive gained from it
  • practice empathy
  • practice mindfulness of hurt feelings to choose forgiveness more readily
  • understand forgiveness is a process

 

 

 

 

 

If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts 
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional 
for meds to help support you 
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again 
and better manage your precious life 
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!...  Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.; 
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.

 

 

In my acronym, S.T.A.R.T.S. will mean: 

something you do…

something new you do… 

something you continue to do…

 

Spiritual

Truths

Activated

Renew/Restore/Replenish

Together

Soundness

 

The Cambridge Dictionary states that:

pour your  heart out

to tell someone your secret feelings and things that worry you, usually because you feel a strong need to talk about them

 

The Free Dictionary by Farlex states further that:

pour your heart out

To share one’s deepest or most intimate emotions, thoughts, or secrets, especially in a profuse or sudden manner.
express your deepest feelings or thoughts in a full and unrestrained way.

Our Need

With being human, we all need an outlet to release our thoughts and emotions in a constructive manner that will ultimately benefit us with sharing such things with someone rather than keeping it all within – “bottled up” per say.
A bad attitude toward life may be due to holding within bitterness toward a person who has wronged us or toward difficult life event/s without ever dealing with the thoughts and emotions that accompany it.
Depression personally may be due to holding within anger toward self, anger and grief about missed opportunities, or anger and grief about difficult life circumstances (including loss of a loved one) that have happened over time.

Ways of Expression for Sweet Release

My favorite way to pour out my heart is through writing poetry and sharing my hurts, disappointments, difficulties, and sadness with GOD HIMSELF in learning to trust HIM to use hardships, trials, and tribulations to build within me faith and strong character.  I allow HIM to mold me into a better person through it all.
If I kept everything in without talking about it and dealing with it, I would go back into deep depression that I experienced as a youth. I once kept everything in.  I didn’t talk.  I was a loner for the most part, with only a few friends.  All my thoughts and emotions were locked away.  What I experienced because of this was anger inside, anger at life, mistrust of people, and really being a hateful person.  It was a detriment to me personally.  What if I had someone to talk to about what I dealt with instead of going it alone.  I didn’t have a relationship with GOD, at the time, who would have listened to me and helped me had I known I could turn to HIM for HIS care and support.  Life is difficult enough without having to also deal with unresolved and negative thoughts and emotions weighing heavily on the mind, heart, soul, and spirit.
A river needs to have an outlet to move along in forward motion as rains fill it to overflowing.  A river whose outlet is the ocean finds release from the pressure that otherwise builds up as in the case if a dam was built to contain it.
Our minds need an outlet for our thoughts, our hearts need to have an outlet for our emotions to move along forward in this life, our souls need to have an outlet to share hopes and dreams, and our spirit needs an outlet to connect to JESUS and our future in eternity…
If we don’t have an outlet, then negativity backs up, builds up pressure, causes one to erupt at some point with damaging consequences that may include suicidal thoughts and/or suicide attempts as an extreme measure seemingly forced into.  It simply becomes too much to handle and the stress is now too overwhelming.

Who To Turn To

If you have a close friend to talk to about anything and everything, consider yourself blessed to have that special someone in your life.  Not everyone has that.
Going to a counselor to help sort through life’s baggage that may include depression, mental illness, suicidal ideation, abuse, and/or trauma can bring breakthroughs in your life as you face these giants head on and learn to overcome and heal from the hurts you’ve experienced. It takes time, sometimes a very long time to see results.
I have my wife who is my helpmate for sure and can listen to a certain extent.  Yet, I don’t have that one guy in my life that I can talk with, be accountable to, and share my burdens I experience through life.
If you’re like me and need someone other than your spouse or a counselor, then GOD is the relationship you are to establish that can change everything in a positive direction…
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Isaiah 9:6
JESUS is the Wonderful Counselor who fills that deep seated need for support and encouragement we all need…
JESUS is Mighty GOD who fills the role of Protector and a Defense against our enemies…
JESUS is Everlasting FATHER who fills the role giving us the love and provision we need…
JESUS is Prince of Peace who fills the role of giving HIS peace within us to deal with anything that comes our way…

Pour Out Your Heart to GOD

Pouring out your heart to GOD is the single most beneficial thing you can do in your life.  He listens and understands.  JESUS, when HE came to earth as one of us (human too), experienced every type of temptation, stress, emotions, and thoughts yet was without sin. After HE died on the cross to satisfy GOD’s wrath, overcome death, deal with our enemies including satan, and to deal with and forgive our sin, HE became our High Priest who understands our weaknesses, daily bears our burdens, and prays for us.  HE knows and understands us more than anyone else can.

 

Pouring out your heart to GOD = extreme closeness to the heart of GOD

David, a shepherd boy, who later became the king of GOD’s people  is known as a man after GOD’s own heart.  Do you know why he was a man after GOD’s own heart.  David turned to GOD whenever he was dealing with life’s ups and downs and poured out his heart to HIM.  He wasn’t perfect and sinned in terrible ways.  So why then was he still a man after GOD’s own heart.  He made many mistakes, yet he turned to GOD quickly and asked for forgiveness and desired the relationship to be restored.  When good happened in his life, he turned to GOD and gave HIM thanks.  David is the author of many of the Psalms in the Bible.  If you want examples of pouring out your heart to GOD, you can read through the Psalms which are heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts that were burdensome to bear and deeply troubling to heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts expressing gratitude.

 

I highly recommend getting a spiral notebook or other journal and begin the process of pouring out your heart of all its emotions and thoughts, hopes and dreams, failures and successes, and deepest needs expressed to GOD and you will be radically changed for the better by doing so…  Share your thoughts with HIM, cast your cares and anxieties onto HIM from your heart, bare your soul to HIM, and send up flares from your spirit unto HIM…  As you do so over time, things will begin to transform within you through development of your seeking relationship with your Creator who knows all things, knows you, knows what you need and yet wants you to just talk to HIM…

 

Pouring out your heart to GOD is a way of delighting in HIM… There is a wonderful promise to receive when we do this…

 

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

As I have delighted in the LORD, HE has given me some desires of my heart already:
* a wife
* children
* inspiration to write (mostly poetry)
* deliverance from fears and anxieties and being suicidal
* help and support with my mental illness (more of a sound mind and peace within)
* an orphan ministry
* ability to serve with children as one of my passions
* a heart of compassion with ability to show mercy with cheerfulness and to encourage others
* desire to be a pastor

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[a];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

 

 

 

Once so crumbling devastated

Then to be humbly elevated

Thankful for HIS grace…

 

Once so broken inside fragmented pieces

Then to have faith’s security, hope’s clarity, and love’s sincerity that increases

Thankful for HIS mercy…

 

Once so trapped in the deepest pit

Then to have the fortitude to never quit

Thankful for HIS compassion…

 

Once so alone in shock doubting and questioning all of reality in total darkness

Then to be brought near to HIM contrite into the Light rescued so my mind works with new ability and noble sparked interests

Thankful for HIS giving me faith…

 

Once so wavering in turmoil thought I’d been tossed out to sea with Heaven now closed

Then to be set free with destination in fact now open forevermore so my soul alert to HIS faithfulness knows

Thankful for HIS giving me hope…

 

Once so fearful, empty, selfish, and filled with self-hatred 

Then to be at peace, fully restored, reaching out, and overflowing fulfillment so my hearts desires come true of its longing created for, awaited for, and elated for the sacred

Thankful for HIS giving me love…

 

Once so weak sinking beneath the pressure and stress anxiously in agony left to my malady of bankruptcy almost a tragedy

Then in renewed strength rising above accepting my spirit beyond measure to profess consciously in cadency my testimony of amnesty about HIS remedy

Thankful for HIS giving HIS Spirit reuniting mine…

Mine or yours having fierce suicidal thoughts are not a sin in its reoccurring more than meditation

Mine or yours having fierce suicidal thoughts are a battle we can win enduring the onslaught and persevering until disaster passes without retaliation

My frontline reality is fighting beyond suicidal ideation into dreams desires for realization

My focus centrality is encouraging all to make it out within HIS remediation

My frame of reference is faith, hope, and love to abound from the Creator to HIS creation

My family I live for so I continue to press on with determination

My faith is that I don’t live for myself alone, but unto HIM in adoration

My freedom is to live pure to be secure in God the FATHER’s hands for the SON’s traits rebuilding within this clay as HIS formation

 

I know some will overcome every moment into freedom in the future with just being blood bought

I know some will succumb to its’ warring thoughts, yet with faith as small as a mustard seed will put trust in HIM continually knowing its not for nought

I know some will be numb from the scarring its wrought, yet rise above into new life after whats fraught

I know some will come to know JESUS once sparring alone to discover who helps in the battles fought

I know some will become found to enter in HIM after the jarring being stuck as HE lifts up with compassion from the pit caught

I know some will be from outer darkness until starring with HIM from mercy inward being taught

I know some will fall seven times and rise again 8, since each turn for help is hope and strength in HIM having sought

I know some will face their giants with grace until each one is slain to stand above the onslaught

 

Freedom comes within when forgiven of our sin

Freedom continues on when fear and doubt are cast out by Love given

Freedom commemorates when restates purpose with greater vision

Freedom captivates when delights in the LORD become ones desires driven

Freedom can’t wait to walk the straight and narrow with greater faith, hope, and love to live in

Freedom coordinates with grace, mercy, and compassion to bring healing within setting captives free from prison

Freedom cries out to listen to wisdom to embrace the Great Commission with decision to serve on mission for a pure religion to reach the widow and orphan in pure devotion forward go on until Heaven reach above risen…

Darkness doesn’t stand a chance

Against the Light

Making all things seen

 

Evil doesn’t stand a chance

Against One’s Love

Setting captives free

 

Depression doesn’t stand a chance

Against new Life

Accepting oneself even in misery

 

Mental Illness doesn’t stand a chance

Against lessons learned

Pressing on despite its history

 

Suicidal ideation doesn’t stand a chance

Against my cries coming to YOUR ears listening

Letting go to live on in future’s Mystery

What do I need to do

To get you through

The hardest part of living

 

What do I need to prove

To lead you to what is new into

The hardest heart I’m giving

 

When will you believe

In order to receive

A purpose centered on mission as focused vision within Living Water overflow

 

When will you perceive

In order to conceive

Grace, mercy, and compassion given from above into your below

 

Why do you doubt 

Theres a better way out

To live with faith, hope, and love beyond measure

 

Why do you shout

To who doesn’t already know what it’s all about

A homecoming for your soul HE has sought, He has bought, He has wrought as precious treasure

 

Where are you going

Closed shut blowing in the wind for you could be drawn in openhanded

Receive a place all your own with healing for the pain

 

Where are you growing

Closed shut above the ground for you could be drawn in to be planted

Though you die, new life will sprout appealing to what you’ll gain

 

How are you on your own

Fending for yourself unknown

Hiding until almost dying; question lie inside -fights the nights without light

 

How will you be if not alone

Defending your soul on HIS throne

Abiding until foremost arriving in Heaven beside guide -delights to ride on the heights

What if there’s a cure

What if there isn’t

What if you live pure

What if you didn’t

A cure will be

Either here or there

Pure will help secure you’ll see

Either now or later care to be aware

The cure is to be pure that will secure you within

Forgiveness is sure to endure turning from worlds lusts contradictions that lure

 

What if dreams come true

What if they don’t

What if a vision forms anew

What if it won’t

A dream come true will be

Either here or there

A vision anew will help when arisen you’ll see

Either now or later care to be aware

The dream to be true with new vision arisen will occur within

Conviction will bring decision to share faith, hope, and love on mission to free from prison those who’ll listen

 

What if the future brings relief

What if it doesn’t

What if nurture uplifts beneath

What if it wasn’t

A future with relief will be 

Either here or there

 Nurture will give with return beneath you’ll see

Either now or later care to be aware

The future relief is to nurture through grief for healing to stir within

Searcher for the wounds that hurts your mind, heart, soul and spirit will further along your purpose to belong here with fervor