Archive for the ‘depression’ Category

There will be setbacks

Not meant to remain in remorse

Just stay the course

 

There will be paybacks

Not meant for you to give

Let go and continue on to live

 

There will be drawbacks

When fear seems to win again

Choose faith to overcome often

 

There will be step backs

Regroup to move forward after rest

Push through until pass the test

 

There will be flashbacks

Panic attacks that take over at times to rewind inferiority

Held back until trust in HIM reminds to find security

 

There will be comebacks

Better than luck will wait to be renewed

After getting stuck will find breakthrough

 

There will be broken dreams

Fix your eyes and continue to believe

One day in delighting you may receive

 

There will be broken hearts

For compassion to grow within

And then mend again arisen

 

There will be wounded souls

That need to be restored however severe

Touch of healing enters their core to reward when persevere

 

There will be wounded spirits

That look for an open door

Release of healing upon wings to soar

 

There will be suicidal thoughts

Surprised at how far you’ve fallen down

Pulled from the waters so as not to drown

 

There will be depression fought

Keep the light lit even if moments flickering slight

Weep in the night until new dawn awaken aright

 

There will be death soon enough

Find faith, hope, and love that remain

Store up treasure in Heaven where your heart will maintain

 

There will be life anew beyond what’s rough

Turn away from plans to end it all refrain

Find grace, mercy, and peace that will sustain

Words that sustain

I often reached for bemoan

Through all the times I’d fade

Empty it seemed except skin and bone

Left to fear life and face death more afraid

Sleepless in the middle of the nights groan

Faith, hope, and love seemed lost with no protective shade

I’ve sown sin to lose oppressed

Beyond what reaped dismay

Purpose and vision wept

Death just to deflate

Felt a living hell would overthrow

Survive with my will pleading for HIS mercy, grace, and compassion to mend

 

Words I say

Not my own alone

Try as I may with faith

In HIS Words of life again sown

Will somehow portray

New life grown

To gain one day

I’ve shown with proof refreshed

Beyond what can betray

Purpose and vision dreamt 

Death has to wait

For when HE says it so 

Alive until then

 

Not just empty words array

To build a wall of stone

Lay bare in open air to catch SON’s ray

Of hope that will atone

Not to take away

The pain you’ve known

Suicidal thoughts try to sway

I’ve known this too attest

Beyond nightmares into stray

Purpose and vision leapt

Death can’t equate 

To the reward to come when overcome to overflow

Arrive to fulfill in Heaven

 

Words inspired from above convey

To build up lives broken down hone

In until find the Light I try and persuade

You to continue to fight in the zone

Of proximity ignite into HIS love upgrade

Will stand upright once again blown

Away that you made it this far evade

I’ve grown convinced drew breath

Beyond what I ask or imagine obey

Purpose and vision kept

Death I can relate

To now meant to be when letting go

Of the world’s hold that would decay

Thrive to instill faith, hope, and love befriend

YOU were there when I fell in the deepest pit of utter black darkness wraith of hope depressed

YOU were there when I laid down and could barely sit up to muster any faith to cope in my mess

YOU were there when I was a shell of emptiness with shallow breath as evidence not sure whether I’d ever have steps to be deft again or mend even from your nurturing obligations

YOU were there when I was in hell of loneliness like a death sentence, but you never left as I wept and hardly slept in weakness rend often to descend furthering complications

YOU were there in my broken brokenness lost in strife

YOU were there to awaken awareness into new life

YOU were there to believe for me when I couldn’t just be

YOU were there to perceive YOU’d free when I wouldn’t trust Thee

YOU were there when I couldn’t do anything

YOU were there to pull me through everything

YOU were there to encourage and rebuke readily

YOU were there to give reassurance resolute steadily

YOU were there until we were a growing family

YOU were there to fulfill that we were overflowing avidly

YOU were there when I was lost, then amazed by YOU found with YOUR grace, mercy, and compassion all around no longer the same without any shame

I am here because YOU counted the cost, and raised me up off the ground with purpose, vision, and a future with passion to abound now stronger for YOUR Name renown to proclaim

What is Easter or Resurrection Sunday?

After JESUS died on the cross for you and I, HE rose again to Life…

What does that mean for me?

If you’ve put your trust and hope in JESUS for the forgiveness of your sins,  HE has bought and won victory for you through HIS shed blood, death on the cross, burial, and resurrection on the 3rd day.

What victory?

You may know that HE won victory over sin, satan, hell, death and the grave. HE is the Way, the Truth, and the Life…  You receive forgiveness for your sins, victory over sin, authority over satan in JESUS name, and the promise of a prepared place for you in Heaven after you die.  Since HE is alive HE will never leave nor forsake you…  You don’t have to be alone…

After JESUS died on the cross, HE was placed in a tomb with a large and heavy rock blocking its entrance.  The chief priests remembering that JESUS said “after 3 days I will rise again” asked Pilate, the governor to have soldiers secure the tomb and stand guard.

HE is the Light of the world and walked alive once again into the light at dawn of a new day after HIS crucifixion on the cross…  HE will bring HIS Light into your darkness and one day shine within you…  HE will help you through the depression, mental illness, and/or suicidal thoughts…  HE did it for me and HE can do it for you too…

Luke 24

Jesus Has Risen

24 On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.

When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. 10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. 11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. 12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.

On the Road to Emmaus

13 Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles[a] from Jerusalem. 14 They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. 15 As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; 16 but they were kept from recognizing him.

17 He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”

They stood still, their faces downcast. 18 One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?”

19 “What things?” he asked.

“About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. 20 The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; 21 but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place. 22 In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning 23 but didn’t find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive. 24 Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but they did not see Jesus.”

25 He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken! 26 Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” 27 And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.

28 As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther. 29 But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.

30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”

33 They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together 34 and saying, “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.” 35 Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.

Jesus Appears to the Disciples

36 While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”

37 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. 38 He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? 39 Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”

40 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. 41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” 42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish, 43 and he took it and ate it in their presence.

44 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”

45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. 46 He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, 47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. 48 You are witnesses of these things. 49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”

The Ascension of Jesus

50 When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. 51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. 52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. 53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.

What if you doubt?  JESUS understands and has compassion on you if you doubt HIM.  HE can reveal HIMSELF to you and help you believe.  HE helped Thomas who doubted, so HE will help you too…  JESUS says we are blessed if we believe and yet have not seen HIM yet…

Jesus among His Disciples

19 So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and *said to them, “Peace be with you.” 20 And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained.”

24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples were saying to him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the imprint of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.”

26 After eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus *came, the doors having been [f]shut, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.” 27 Then He said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing.” 28 Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.”

Why This Gospel Was Written

30 Therefore many other signs Jesus also performed in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; 31 but these have been written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you may have life in His name.

We read that JESUS met with those HE cared for and loved after HIS death to help them believe in HIM, continue to trust in HIM, to encourage them, and to give them their mission assignment after HE returned to Heaven…

This is the reason I share my faith story, GOD’s Word, and refer to JESUS throughout my writing…  I have found victory in Christ for my life and I’m compelled to share the faith, hope, and love I have found in HIM…  HE is faithful and true…  HE is able to give you victory in your life too…

Have you fallen away from your relationship with JESUS for any reason?  One of my favorite stories in the Bible is how Peter is restored and redeemed by JESUS after being risen to life…  HE knew Peter felt guilt and shame after he had disowned HIM 3 times leading up to HIS death.

John 21 

Jesus Appears at the Sea of Galilee

21 After these things Jesus manifested Himself again to the disciples at the Sea of Tiberias, and He manifested Himself in this way. Simon Peter, and Thomas called Didymus, and Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, and the sons of Zebedee, and two others of His disciples were together. Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will also come with you.” They went out and got into the boat; and that night they caught nothing.

But when the day was now breaking, Jesus stood on the beach; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. So Jesus said to them, “Children, you do not have any fish, do you?” They answered Him, “No.” And He said to them, “Cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat and you will find a catch.” So they cast, and then they were not able to haul it in because of the great number of fish. Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” So when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put his outer garment on (for he was stripped for work), and threw himself into the sea. But the other disciples came in the little boat, for they were not far from the land, but about one hundred yards away, dragging the net full of fish.

So when they got out on the land, they saw a charcoal fire already laid and fish placed on it, and bread. 10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.” 11 Simon Peter went up and drew the net to land, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not torn.

Jesus Provides

12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples ventured to question Him, “Who are You?” knowing that it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish likewise. 14 This is now the third time that Jesus was manifested to the disciples, after He was raised from the dead.

The Love Motivation

15 So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.” 16 He *said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him “Shepherd My sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus *said to him, “Tend My sheep.

JESUS allowed Peter to return his love to JESUS and JESUS reappointed him to love HIM and others with new found responsibility…  HE is able to restore and redeem you too!!!…

JESUS, even before HE died on the cross, revealed that HE was the Resurrection and the Life… Let’s take a look:

John 11:20-28

20 Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus was coming, went to meet Him, but Mary stayed at the house. 21 Martha then said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.” 23 Jesus *said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 Martha said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” 27 She said to Him, “Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world.”

JESUS reassures Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary that Lazarus would rise again to life…  HE went on into the tomb where Lazarus laid after he had died.  JESUS raised Lazarus to life again…  HE is able to handle anything you’re dealing with in this life…  HE will encourage and support you as you walk with HIM putting your faith and trust in HIM…  HE will be with you even to the end and then welcome you into Heaven to live forevermore…

Psalm 103

Of David.

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

You may thank HIM for these benefits that HE has won victory for you to have in your life…

If you need prayer, support, encouragement, and/or have questions/concerns let me know and I will respond back to you soon…

May the LORD bless and keep you in HIS care and love always and forever…

So it’s Good Friday.  What is so good about it?

What is celebrated is JESUS crucified on the cross.

So HE died.  What is that to me?

It was for you…  for me… for the whole world…

There is an intimate, radical, and victorious reason HE did so to be remembered and for some to newly discover…

 

JESUS knew he was about to die before it happened.  HE mentions it to HIS disciples that it was imminent.

“As you know, the Passover is two days away—and the Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified.”  Matthew 26:2

JESUS makes it even more evident of HIS coming death by letting them know how important the woman is who poured out her perfume on HIM…

While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table.

When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. “Why this waste?” they asked. “This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.” 

Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. Truly I tell you, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”  Matthew 26: 6-13

As HE shared the Last Supper with HIS disciples, HE also knew one of HIS disciples would betray HIM.  HE foreknew the previous event:   Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. 16 From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.  Matthew 26:14

Even during the meal that night, JESUS made it known who would betray HIM.

Jesus replied, “The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.”

Then Judas, the one who would betray him, said, “Surely you don’t mean me, Rabbi?”

Jesus answered, “You have said so.”  Matthew 23-25

Have you ever felt darkness of being betrayed by someone you knew well.  For you, it may be devastating.  JESUS knows and understands what you’ve felt and gone through…

Darkness would fall on Judas Iscariot.

When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.”

So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.  Matthew 27:3-5

You don’t need to respond like Judas!!…  You can turn back to JESUS, ask for forgiveness, and be restored to right relationship with GOD again…  If you have not known JESUS, you can turn to HIM for the first time and ask for forgiveness, ask JESUS to come into your heart and life, and repent to live the new life JESUS paid for, by HIS death, for you to have…

 

JESUS went on to say that night that all the disciples would not stay with HIM even when Peter said that he would still be there for HIM even if all the others weren’t.  Then Peter said he would even die with HIM.  The other disciples also said they would die with HIM.

Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written:

“‘I will strike the shepherd,
    and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’

But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”

Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”

But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same.  Matthew 26: 31-35

Have you ever experienced your friends or family not being there for you in your darkest hour?  JESUS knows and understand this so well…  HE is One who is there for you, will walk with you through it, and lead you into HIS Light if you will trust and abide i\n HIM while waiting for your breakthroughs in GOD’s timing and way…

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”

43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”

Darkness fell upon JESUS.  HE understands the mental, emotional, and spiritual torment that can be experienced in this life…  An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. Luke 22: 43-44  Though JESUS’ experience is to a greater degree, have you ever felt so much anguish awakening from a nightmare or feel like you’re living a nightmare and you’re sweating profusely?  I have!  Again, HE can be relied upon to support you, care for you, and see you through it…  HE loves those with depression and/or mental illness.  It took me 19 years of dealing on and off with depression and mental illness with ongoing faith and trust being placed in JESUS to see HIS victories in my life, HIS peace finally breakthrough during extreme trials/temptations, and HIS perfect love cast out my fears…  If HE did it for me, HE will do it for you too…

JESUS is then betrayed by Judas Iscariot.  Soldiers advance to arrest JESUS.  The disciples pull their swords and one of the disciples cuts off a servant of the high priest’s ear to which JESUS immediately tells them to put away their swords and heals the servant’s ear back into place.

While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.

Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend.”[d]

Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. With that, one of Jesus’ companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?”

In that hour Jesus said to the crowd, “Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I sat in the temple courts teaching, and you did not arrest me. But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.  Matthew 26: 47-56

Have you ever felt abandoned and left all alone in your troubles?  Though JESUS could have been helped by GOD the FATHER and angels be called upon to save and deliver HIM, HE willingly surrendered.  Was this suicide?  Would he take HIS own life?  No, JESUS would not take HIS own life!!!  HE gave HIS own life… with willingness to die at the hands of those in earthly command by sinners for the benefit of all sinners who would turn to HIM to be saved…  There is an emphatic and distinct difference.  How can you give your life in service to JESUS, rather than take your life ending your opportunities to make a positive difference while alive?  You may find yourself in the midst of the darkest depression or season of your mental illness. If so, you need to rely on JESUS to care for you and even carry you along.  Then begin to practice loving and caring for yourself the way JESUS does until you are able to do that which may help others…  Let HIM rescue, restore, and redeem your life in order to have a testimony to share with others who need your compassion in being an example of what JESUS can also do for them…

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13

JESUS was brought before the Sanhedrin, where the chief priests looked for and made up reasons why JESUS should be put to death.  Peter followed within a crowd to see what would happen.  JESUS was accused falsely, spit at, and hit with fists…  During this time, Peter is noticed as one who was seen with JESUS.  Peter had come as far as he was able in his own strength to remain as near JESUS as he could muster.

Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said.

But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”

He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”

After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”

Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”

Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.  Matthew 26: 69-75

Darkness fell on Peter.  He failed in the fight, fell away in fear, and had forsaken JESUS whom he loved in moments of weakened faith.  Maybe you can relate on some level.  You haven’t lived up to who you thought you were or are meant to be.  You were broken by it. JESUS knows and understands!!!…

JESUS goes before the governor Pilate.  He asks JESUS if HE is the King of the Jews?  JESUS replied “You have said so.”  However, when the chief priests and elders were accusing HIM, HE said nothing in response.  Pilate did not want to hand JESUS over to be crucified.  He gave the option of releasing Barabbas, a criminal, or JESUS who is called the Messiah.  The crowd called for Barabbas to be freed.  He asked what do you want to do with JESUS.  They all yelled “crucify HIM!”  Pilate, still not wanting to have JESUS executed, asked for what crime HE had committed.  But the crowd yelled even louder “crucify HIM!”

Have you ever been accused of something you haven’t done?  Or have you ever felt a part of you die when someone accused of you something you did do wrong?  JESUS committed no crime, but was sentenced to die.  Yet he would die for “crimes”.  It was for our crimes (sins) that we have committed.

Then the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around him. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, 29 and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. 30 They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. 31 After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.  Matthew 27: -31

Have you ever been humiliated and/or beaten down?  No one has experienced the depths of that which JESUS did.  So HE understands and is compassionate toward you.

Just as there were many who were appalled at him[c]
    his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being
    and his form marred beyond human likeness—  Isaiah 52:14

As the soldiers led HIM away, Simon from Cyrene was made to carry JESUS’ cross.  Two criminals were also executed on either side of JESUS.

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  Luke 23: 33-34

If JESUS forgave those who were putting HIM to death, wouldn’t HE forgive you for whatever you have done!  HE would and HE will…

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[d]

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”  Luke 23: 39-43

JESUS was able to also forgive and accept the criminal dying next to him who had no time to change his actions or fix/make course corrections for his life.  Yet that criminal acknowledged his sin, realized JESUS could save him, and simply asked JESUS to remember him. If you’re still breathing, you are able to turn to JESUS by acknowledging your sin to GOD, believing in JESUS being able to forgive and accept you, and trusting in HIM to remember you to live in HIS Kingdom forevermore…  Ask HIM…  Maybe, you’re remembering a time when you were closer to JESUS, but have strayed and wandered off the path.  You may still make a course correction and return to HIM who is the Shepherd and Overseer of your soul…  It is okay to restart a walk with HIM again…

It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.  Luke 23: 44-46

Has depression and/or a mental illness darkened your view of life right now?  Has it felt as though the brightness of the sun once shining brightly in your life has faded somehow?  Though there is darkness now, there will be a day when the SON will shine all the more brighter again for you… for all who have believed and trusted in JESUS…  if not here, then for sure in Heaven…

GOD’s plan to punish the crimes committed by the world was to place all “our” sins upon HIS SON JESUS.  HE was to die for us, in our place, for GOD to be able to forgive us and take away our sins by HIS death…  All of GOD’s wrath fell upon JESUS, so it wouldn’t fall on us.  GOD let darkness cover the whole land.  Our whole darkness covered HIM.  HE died once and for all.  For you, for me, for all of us…  Will the Light shine again?  Look forward to reading my next post soon to understand better what I mean…  JESUS wouldn’t stay dead…  Life is about to be new…

Isaiah 53

The Suffering Servant

53 Who has believed our message?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot,
And like a root out of parched ground;
He has no stately form or majesty
That we should look upon Him,
Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.
He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of God, and afflicted.
But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on Him.

He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He did not open His mouth;
Like a lamb that is led to slaughter,
And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers,
So He did not open His mouth.
By oppression and judgment He was taken away;
And as for His generation, who considered
That He was cut off out of the land of the living
For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due?
His grave was assigned with wicked men,
Yet He was with a rich man in His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was there any deceit in His mouth.

10 But the Lord was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief;
If He would render Himself as a guilt offering,
He will see His offspring,
He will prolong His days,
And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand.
11 As a result of the [p]anguish of His soul,
He will see it and be satisfied;
By His knowledge the Righteous One,
My Servant, will justify the many,
As He will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great,
And He will divide the booty with the strong;
Because He poured out Himself to death,
And was numbered with the transgressors;
Yet He Himself bore the sin of many,
And interceded for the transgressors.

 

I recently shared my suicide attempt story with Anne Moss Rogers who is an author, a public speaker, and a suicide prevention trainer.  She is the site owner of the Emotionally Naked Blog. Her son Charles Aubrey Rogers died by suicide on June 5, 2015.  Anne has dedicated her life to help others who have suffered the loss of a loved one and to help prevent suicide through awareness and training.  She allows others to share their stories and is a voice of hope with a compassionate heart.  She carries precious memories of her son as she carries on to make a positive difference in this world…

Here is the article I wrote:  https://annemoss.com/2020/01/06/a-suicide-attempt-survivor-speaks-out/

I walk past my dad sleeping on the couch.  He came to get me.  I open the door slowly, quietly.  I close it behind me.  I realize now that it was unwise of me to not get help and go it on my own.  But I didn’t think of getting help until it was too late.  Ask for help if you need it!…

I walk away further than I had been into the darkest night.  I had been walking away for quite some time.  Away from faith and trust in JESUS.  Late nights, barely any sleep.  Trying to get through my university classes and working.  Hadn’t been eating much if not at all for weeks.  Thoughts began turning against me until suicidal.  I realize now I was needing to eat and nourish my body and was part of the reason my mind turned against myself.  Nourish your body so as not to do it damage or cause the wiring in the brain to malfunction/misfire…

As I walked onward, the intensity of the situation became unbearable.  GOD seemed to be warning me and I questioned it wondering if I should turn back.  Then I made the decision to go farther at a quicker pace.  Swarms of mosquitos appear out of nowhere attacking my hypersensitive self to make matters worse and more dreadful than at first.  It was torturous and had never happened to me before nor anytime after.  I think about turning back again.  I continue on instead.  I believe GOD was trying to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen.  I realize now that it wasn’t GOD’s heart for me to do.  GOD doesn’t tempt us to hurt ourselves or to commit suicide and wants us to trust HIM as HE works in and through us to become who HE’s called us to be…

I understand though how someone can get so low as to commit suicide.  I don’t judge, yet I know that GOD’s heart is not for this to be the outcome…

I ended up in a field of abandoned cars.  Ironic that this is how I felt.  Abandoned.  An empty shell of my former self.  Wide open to the elements.  No more human presence.  Not able to go anymore.  Broken spirit like all the engines there.  I sat in one of the doorless vehicles contemplating for hours whether I’d take my life or not.  Then I contemplated what seemed like just minutes or seconds. 2 or 3 times got ready then decided this is it.  It was then as if the enemy of my soul took his heavy pressuring off of me as I attempted.  It was as if he pushed me to that edge.  Then I was left all alone.  So I thought.  I realize now that GOD doesn’t give up on anyone and will help us when we turn back to HIM in trust continuing to live on until HE rebuilds us… Place your trust in GOD to get you through anything by choosing to endure and persevere for there is great reward if you do…

 

I came up for air.  I realize now GOD wouldn’t let me drown, because HE had a plan for my life…  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD has a plan for a hope and a future for you too…

 

Confused.  What did I do?  I was scared.  Cursed.  Accursed?  That is how I felt.  I realize now that GOD has great compassion and enduring mercy.  HE wouldn’t abandon me like the car in the broken empty graveyard.  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD will show you great compassion and enduring mercy to the most difficult things you’ve experienced in your life…  Let HIM help you too…

 

I’m still alive.  Am I though?  I felt so lost, ashamed, and guilt ridden as I walked back.  I realize now GOD would find me, heal me, and forgive me further along the healing journey.   But I didn’t know it then.  At some point GOD will find you, heal you inside, and forgive you too if you ask HIM, seek HIM, and knock for HIM when don’t give up (took time over 19 years to experience healing of various aspects of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit). JESUS is faithful and true and I couldn’t do it on my own without HIM… HE’s brought me this far and I give HIM thanks in all things the good, the bad, and the ugly…

 

As I reached the nearest road, a person pulled over and took me to my apartment with my dad unknowing of one of the darkest moments of my life.  I was so desperate that I didn’t even tell him the seriousness of what I was dealing with.  I realize now that GOD moved on my dad’s heart to come get me traveling over 800 miles after I called my mom and let her know I wasn’t doing good.  If you need to be honest and tell someone you need help too, do it…  It’s ok when you’re feeling so very weak to get support until you’re better… Don’t wait (especially if you’re thinking of suicide and/or not eating…) It’s ok…  Getting help is being human and alive…  If you don’t have anyone, feel free to reach out to me…  Email me at:  jeffandtami@truevine.net

There are emergency numbers to call on this website as well.

To be continued…

 

 

 

Childhood left far behind

Memories though remind

Of innocence 

And freedom

For a time

 

Crushes left far behind

Memories though remind

Of interest

Other than just me

And mine

 

Hometown left far behind

Memories though remind

Of stability

And familiarity

Entwined

 

New to now old places left far behind

Memories though remind

Of adjustment not ready

And coping unsteady

Disinclined

 

Youth growing pains left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failures in choices made

And mistakes in decisions strayed

Misaligned

 

Broken relationships left far behind

Memories though remind

Of awkwardness

And immaturity

Combined

 

Peace and hope soon left far behind

Memories though remind

Of JESUS changing my demeanor

And self-esteem with composure

Aligned 

 

Friends and family left far behind

Memories though remind

Of being lost and afraid

And sin’s cost betrayed

Unrefined

 

Relationship with HIM left far behind

Memories though remind

HE’s the only way, the truth, and the life

Of shock to feel forsaken

And suicidal thoughts overtaken

Inclined

 

Realities once known left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith in HIM for HIS mercy plead for

And only HE can rescue to restore

A sound mind

 

From psych hospital left far behind

Memories though remind

Of the pain and darkness tumbling

And life moving forward in starkness stumbling 

Blind

 

Seek HIM whom I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of mental illness diagnosis

And depression with psychosis

Confined

 

New opportunities with purpose I thought were left far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS truth and kindness shown before

And HIS Word anew choosing to seek HIM to implore

Unwind

 

Someone close I’d have to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS choice for me to marry

And HIS way, truth, and the life chosen though I’d tarry

Outlined

 

Another episode into psych hospital again I thought was left far behind

Memories though remind

Of fears revisited and hallucinations come alive

And paranoia riveted inside

Divide

 

Another miracle release yet I felt left far behind

Memories though remind

Of continuing to call on HIS name for help and fears increased to cease to be set free

And so weak, weary, and wavering I’d barely hold on to a sense of reality

Contrived

 

Somehow I’d live and work with a growing family beside trying to leave the negative far behind

Memories though remind

Of hit and miss volleys of episodes small and large in magnitude

And the loss of less and less aptitude 

Maligned 

 

There were times I’d be alright with new peace and hope replacing what I wanted left far behind

Memories though remind

Of peace and hope not lasting for long

And I was a step away from a sense of security being gone

Unbind

 

My life crashed down again heading back to another psych hospital that I couldn’t leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of the wreckage I was causing my family broken apart

And damage of decades of doubt taken its toll on my heart

Deride

 

This time I’d protect my wife and fight the enemy and my demons I thought I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failed attempts, of fear inept, and darkness’s depths while looking above

And yet I chose to walk by faith each step of the way confronting each giant to slay -along came love

To guide

 

My sense of love for my family upon seeing them I never want to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of desire to fight to keep and to hold them close

And choose to put HIM first and love HIM most

Abide

 

I’d falter once again to enter the psych hospital and another battle escalated with the enemy of my soul who wants me left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith, hope, and love that remains and the Spirit within to fight the war ensued outside

And HE proves faithful to be there by my side to protect my family, then to center me to defeat my enemy of pride, of lies, of disguise, of negative ties that have followed me from behind

Tried

 

I fight the good fight with HIS grace, mercy, forgiveness, encouragement, and compassion that has not left me far behind

Memories though remind

Of the battles that still need to be fought for others to know the truth

And become HIS disciple who follows with faith, hope, and love as proof

Decide

 

HE promises to never leave nor forsake when trust HIM, so there’s no fear of what’s left far behind

Memories though remind

Of praying on the armor and saving souls as wise being a soldier who will fight on the frontline

And to press on Heavenward to win the prize as a reflection of HIS Light to shine

Realigned

 

HE didn’t leave me far behind, but left the ninety-nine to come after me to find

Memories though remind

Of the deepest, darkest pit I fell into, that I might see -what HE bought would continue to pursue with love’s stride open to what frees

And to show and tell of HIS rescue, not just for me -but for you too HE will do until we’re made new… from above provide in what HE’s

Designed

 

 

 

 

 

Stranded on an island a lost man

Reprimanded for depression -why banned?

Openhanded to bystanders disband

Empty handed as one meanders then to remand

Withstand the pressure of hurricane force in sinking sand

Unplanned shock in full measure restrained remorse can’t understand

Branded with mental illness desiring only help and support in demand

 

Broken down and fallen apart

Fallen ground and broken heart

Sullen around look to restart

Fullness in HIM will impart

Newness of life again jumpstart

Openness to love won’t depart

Stillness set apart for HIS will a work of art

 

Found what I was looking for

Only in HIM the way to restore

All that was lost and taken before

Given back more and more still implore

Persevere to live on for Whom will reward

Run this race face forward press on toward

Heaven’s gaze trace and erase sins failure in war

Poor in spirit chase embrace from HIM once more

 

A soldier stronger no longer distracted

Beholder of HIS strength await contracted

Bolster in faith, hope, and love to be refracted

Mold occur within by the Potter for HIS use to serve impacted

A shoulder to cry on with mercy and compassion protracted

Exposure of years of pain make me who I am into faith and grace extracted

Closure given about my past with composure for the future with HIM attracted

Disclosure driven in the mission to encourage others to fight on whenever contacted 

 

2 Timothy 2:3-4

Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

The fight inside was against myself

I’d lose what was good health

Witness my downfall to the edge of Sheol took away a hundredfold  

 

The fight inside my mind

I’d lose over and over

Mental illness took control

 

The fight inside my heart

I’d lose to fears I feared

Brokenness took its toll

 

The fight inside my soul

I’d lose to depression

Darkness took hold

 

The fight inside my spirit

I’d lose what’s left of freedom

Sentence in chains where demons tormented with pain and confusion untold

 

The fight inside I tapped out

I’d lose my life until HE’d step into my cage and win for me

Openness took time for new life to unfold

 

Compassion opens my heart floodgate

Willing to enter yours broken apart relate

A gift given from above show for real equate

To uplift driven by love; know what you conceal frustrate

Await the torrential downpour of a hurricane

Straight to the point I’m here in all that may contain

Initial strong winds that won’t seem to wane

Within the eye of depression’s domain

Into outer bands stronger still won’t constrain

To greet your mental strain

To meet your pain

To accrete your emotion drained

To compete for your attention rather than refrain

To defeat darkness for light regain

To entreat life diverting suicide’s disdain

To treat with understanding listen to maintain

To replete faith, hope, and love to remain

To delete feeling all alone until HIS Presence you attain

GOD of comfort with the comfort received now will sustain

Compassion opens your heart floodgate as a new gift obtain

Fashioned to reopen for others broken apart relate to unchain

 

 

Child’s Viewpoint

Lay there hardly move

No where to go 

Learn to crawl

Make it somehow

Learn to walk

Get where need to be

Learn to run

Be first place

 

Teenager Viewpoint

Lay there until have to move

Go anywhere to do

No crawling 

Would look weak

Walk like nothings wrong

Be strong

Run to play the sport

Even if lose; hope to win

 

Young adult Viewpoint

Keep moving even if depressed

Losing hope of where to go

Breakdown will still crawl

Can’t give in 

Walk around wandering

Where do I need to be

Running from reality

On empty until stall out

 

Breaking point

Can’t just lay there

Just need to end it all

Crawling has faded away

Not a choice

Walk away from what is left

Stranded

Run from the tormenting thoughts

Until stopped -suicidal, suicide attempt, make it out somehow, mental illness diagnosed, negative thoughts fights now with faith, hope, and love; relapses then go to HIM who understands and delivers from again and again and again

 

Older Adult Viewpoint w/ the LORD

Find meaning now in day to day movement

Know where want to go

Help those along who crawl

Pray for a future and a hope

Walk on in faith not sight

Know who I’m meant to be

Run the race set in front of me

Await new strength to keep going

Ever deserted

Ever deceived

Ever devastated

 

With HIM in the end

Never deserted

Never deceived 

Never devastated

 

Ever doubted

Ever debated

Ever debilitated

 

With HIM in Heaven

Forever trusted

Forever answered

Forever new reinstated

Tangible & real to nurture minds with Words sown

Radical zeal to capture hearts with faith alone

Practical meal to pasture souls with hope grown 

Tactical seal to rapture spirits with love known

Tractable appeal to gather lives with grace and mercy atone

 

Theological teaching to behold minds tend if reeling aground

Periodical reaching to remold hearts when feeling down

Prodigal beseeching to unfold souls to mend with healing found

Optimal keeping to uphold spirits defend for shielding around 

Phenomenal believing to untold lives open until revealing a crown

Stars in place

Seek YOUR face

Just a taste

Faith & grace

Sins forgive erase

Run again pace

Heaven’s prize chase

Mercy compassion trace

faith/hope/love still remains

YOUR discipline trains

For YOU awaits

Strength never wanes

YOU understand pains

Lifeline when strains

In temptation refrains

All evil disdains

Honor, glory, praise

Unto YOU raise

High Priest prays

Guide my ways

All my days

Grace surround arrays

Life eternal conveys

SON’s Light rays

So Darkness fades

Life/death/resurrection still portrays

Breathe through haze

Walk past daze

Live beyond faze 

Find lost in maze

See them amaze

Seek for strays

Found after obeys

Uplift when dismays

Live on always

Why am I inspired late at night

Why not when the sun is bright

I guess the darkness is what you saved me from

I profess YOUR Light given is what has brought my freedom

It’s YOUR blood poured out that has bought my life back from the dead

It’s YOUR Word of life that has taught me to renew my mind to offset dread

It’s YOUR Spirit that has caught my undivided attention to walk on ahead

It’s YOUR Presence that has sought my soul deserving punishment to restore instead

It’s YOUR touch that has given my life vision and purpose to be mission led

It’s YOUR love that has chased away the fear and how now life is lived and interpreted

To whom sadness casts you downward spiral; flood sows in tears when

Hold your breath so as not to drown in sudden death

HE keeps all your tears in a bottle kept in Heaven

 

To whom madness lasts, bruise inward exile, blood flows in fears often

Catch your breath to turn from suicidal death

HE frees you from fears with HIS perfect love made alive again

 

To whom badness blasts, lose backward in denial, judge woes in jeers descend

Take a breath before heading down that wrong path that leads to death

HE sees you and clears the past jeers east to west so all you are is forgiven

 

To whom callous lash out, choose outward hostile grudge, pose a threat it appears

Lose your breath for vengeance refrain from causing misled death

HE can appease your inner turmoil of anger and bitterness when HE appears to be the One to defend bringing peace within 

 

To whom gladness basks in the Good News, forward vital nudge, grows when drawn near to HIM open

Refresh new breath by the Spirit that brings new life beyond all death

HE brings a future and a hope with purpose and vision with a mission to be love now driven

Dusk to Night

Chase the firefly

Capture in a jar

Where you are

A child’s fun to know

 

See the light

Embrace the why

After glimpse the stars

Doesn’t seem that far

Set free from so low

 

North to South contrite

Face it to still try

Stature broken within did mar

Never give up if just restart

Stand, up to par, run to grow

 

Must remember the fight

Race that I might comply

Gather in from the dark

No matter what their scars

Faith, hope, and love will show

 

Mercy anew ignite

Grace take flight

Rapture within compassion’s spark

Go relentless win their hearts

Keep refilling cups to overflow

 

Gain wisdom’s insight

Trace HIS steps that I might

Rather serve to save as state of the art

Teach the Word faithfully so won’t depart

All I am to live as Christ and die as gain bestow

 

With truth deny the lies

Soar above lows to reach on high

Matters in life the course you chart

Seek for Heaven’s pure wisdom to impart

Remember to rescue those fallen lost below

 

Let go the fireflies

Before they die

Scatter freed from the fortifying rampart

Worthwhile to shine set apart

Never forget to glow

 

Dawn to light

Chase the prize

Recapture all who’ve missed the mark

More faith is given to embark

Pressing on so others follow -Heavenward always go

 

I was down, down so low, in a pit solo

But let’s keep it on the down low

Why share how devastating it was?

Who would want to know, anyway?

Anyway, I held on by a thread of faith

My mind agonizing in the darkness for some peace to find

Anyway, I reached out blindly with my heart for hope

My eyes straining in the darkness for some light to appear

Anyway, I longed deeply with my soul for love

My emotions drowning in the darkness for someone to lift me up

Anyway, I pleaded insistently with my spirit for mercy

My past caving in, my present wearing thin, my future dimmed and ending?

Anyway, I continued breathing, I kept going, I continued living, I kept breaking

My entire life leading up to a tragedy?  I can’t believe all this! -yet me is still alive now in a nightmare? 

Anyway, I am shocked that my mortality is bared open in the frozen harsh elements where only demons jaunt and my enemy ready to pounce

My equilibrium is off to never never land and I don’t understand anything going on

Anyway, this can’t be happening cascading into fear, fading fast disappear? Awaiting at death’s door panicking here

My reality disintegrating after starving myself, attempting suicide, found myself in psychosis with no longer self-control, just a failure, just a waste, just a stumbling shell of what I once was

Anyway, HE showed me mercy, extended to me grace, cared for me with compassion to grow in faith, hope, and love when crawling learning to stand, when staggering yearning to walk, when tripping returning to run, when fainting burning to soar

My life was given back to me that I didn’t deserve and I couldn’t ever earn this gift

Anyway, I now carry on with how HE rescued, restored, and redeemed me…

I once was down, down so low, in a pit solo

But I have to share how I’m not there in that dreadful place anymore and no longer left alone…

If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts 
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional 
for meds to help support you 
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again 
and better manage your precious life 
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!...  Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.; 
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.
In my acronym, S.T.A.R.T.S. will mean: 

something you do…

something new you do… 

something you continue to do…

 

Spiritual

Truths

Activated

Renew/Restore/Replenish

Together

Soundness

 

What is Forgiveness?

I did not like the definition of forgive in the Merriam Webster dictionary due in part that it said “cease to feel”.  To forgive someone or yourself is more than that and also different than that.  I believe you can forgive, yet still feel the hurt and pain until a process of healing takes place over time where feelings about it begin to diminish and for some the feeling may never fully go away.  There is more hope then to have the ability to forgive if we know that feelings involved may still linger on…  The good news is that GOD is willing, available, and able to help us forgive if we are struggling with this very thing.

So I looked up the Greek word of forgive.  It is aphíēmi.  

It comes from the root word apo and híēmi.

ἀπό apó, apo’ means:

a primary particle; “off,” i.e. away (from something near), in various senses (of place, time, or relation; literal or figurative):—(X here-)after, ago, at, because of, before, by (the space of), for(-th), from, in, (out) of, off, (up-)on(-ce), since, with.

ἵημι híēmi means:

(to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eîmi, to go)

So let’s think of forgive as even just these 2 words separately (apó) and (híēmi)

If we choose apó, then we may take “off” and move “away” (from something near) in various senses (of place, time, or relation).  Then if we choose híēmi, we may “send” it away in order “to go” forward…

This is so good what to forgive does for us.

Here is what it looks like:  I forgive __________ to take “off” this hurt done to me and move “away” from it.  I “send” it away in order “to go” forward…

Here is a new way to approach an experience of forgiving as a decision made with this process now in mind to do and an action within the heart to occur:

Ex. 1

I will forgive __________ because I need to take the abuse that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from ___________ and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others.  I “send” this abuse away to YOU GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…  Begin to heal me within…

Ex. 2

I will forgive myself because I need to take the addiction that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from addiction and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others.  I “send” this addiction away to GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…

Ex. 3

I will forgive __________ because I need to take the rejection that happened in the past “off” my life and move “away” from the act of rejection by ___________ and that which has been so near affecting my senses (thoughts, emotions, feelings of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit wounds) where I have been haunted/fearful/anxious/angry/depressed/suicidal by certain places, time it occurred through time up until now, and in my relations with myself and others.  I “send” this rejection I’ve experienced away to GOD in order “to go” forward in new life with a new start…

 

When combined together, here is the meaning:

ἀφίημι aphíēmi, af-ee’-ay-mee;

from apo  G575 and ἵημι híēmi (to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eîmi, to go); to send forth, in various applications (as follow):—cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.

What is allowed:

I cry.  I cry because of what ____________ has done to me.  I cry in release from _____________ in order to forgive _____________.  I cry now that _______________ has no hold on me. I cry to begin my healing journey.

I forgive__________ for what he’s done/ she’s done/ they’ve done/ I’ve done.

I can forsake my abuser/ my addiction now that I’ve forgiven.

I lay aside what was done to me by _____________ since I’ve forgiven ____________.

I leave ____________ in the past because I’ve forgiven _____________ for a new beginning.

I let alone/be/go/have what was done to me by ______________ to be in my past for I’ve forgiven _______________ and move on so my present begins healing on into my future.

I omit __________ from my life now that I’ve forgiven _____________ who no longer will have a hold on me.

I put (send) away ___________ from affecting my life any longer since I have forgiven _______________.

I remit what _____________ has cause in my life for I forgive ________________.

suffer due to what ______________ did, but I forgive ______________  so that my suffering will let me grow in all areas to be a better person for myself and others.

I yield up ______________ to you now GOD to deal with, now that I’ve forgiven _________________.

 

Forgiveness then is letting go of the hurt and pain caused by another, others, or oneself:

  • to start anew
  • to begin the healing process
  • to drop the heavy load you’ve been carrying
  • to break off the hold another or others have had on you that is bringing you down
  • to be free from the mental anguish, internal conflicts, and/or suicidal ideation
  • to becoming more free from the emotional fears, anxieties, anger, depression in order to deal with life positively and effectively
  • to allow for grieving (5 stages:  denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)
  • to move on from toxic relationships
  • to move on past self-harm and/or addiction
  • to accept, care for, and love yourself
  • to love others and have meaningful and special relationships
  • to love GOD

 

Be Forgiven To Forgive

GOD lets us know we are all in need of ultimate forgiveness and this is accomplished by recognizing our need for our own forgiveness, asking HIM for forgiveness, and believing in and trusting in HIS SON JESUS to come into our hearts to save us and help us live a new life:

22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.  Romans 3: 22-26

You may be afraid to come to the LORD because of your own sin (it is too much, your guilt is to heavy, and your shame is unbearable), yet HE wants you to come and be forgiven:

19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,  Acts 3:19
18 “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.  Isaiah 1:18
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12

 

How can you know for sure you’re forgiven and saved:

But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim:

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:8-10

 

Who is forgiveness for:

for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  Romans 10:13

John 3:16-17

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

 

GOD in HIS Word tells us to forgive others:

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sistersins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”  Luke 17:3-4

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:31-32

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

 

What happens when you forgive as GOD wants you to?  You are still angry about what the person/people have done?  GOD says in HIS Word that HE will deal with that person/people:

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  Romans 12:19

After accepting JESUS and now being forgiven, what happens if I sin again not wanting to.  Every Believer is going to sin after receiving JESUS as LORD and Savior.  Because of your relationship being reconciled to GOD, you are now able to confess your sin to HIM and not hide it.  HE will forgive you and purify you when turning back to HIM with a repentant heart desiring for restored relationship.  Then walk again being forgiven.

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
This is in no way a license to continue sinning purposefully or in pride thinking HE won’t deal with it at some point.  HE will convict us of our sin by HIS Spirit and we will need to turn in repentance with humility.  If we are prideful and continue sinning, HE will humble us.

Hebrews 12:4-7

God Disciplines His Children

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children…

Hebrews 4:15-16

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

 

 

Examples of Forgiveness

You may have a family member or close friend that wronged you in some way, but you don’t want GOD to repay with a vengeance. Can you forgive someone close to you and pray that GOD would have mercy on them?

Yes!  A resounding yes…

Read about Moses, after getting the Ten Commandments, was told by GOD that HIS people HE rescued out of slavery from Egypt, had made an idol to worship instead of remembering GOD and what HE had done for them.  GOD was ready to punish them and said HE would put them to death and start over.  Moses prayed and asked GOD to not hold it against them and to remember HIS covenant and what HE had done to deliver HIS people.  GOD listened to Moses and relented.

 

You may have a family member/members that wronged you in some way and GOD will use you to bring about good for the one or all involved.  There may be a future story of you being used of GOD to rescue, restore, provide, or protect in some way.

Read about Joseph who was mistreated and rejected by his brothers, sold into slavery, and then rise to leadership by Pharaoh in Egypt.  GOD used Joseph to save his family from a widespread famine and ultimately forgive his brothers of their wrongdoing accepting them and their families with places to live in Egypt.

 

You may have been used by a sibling that took from your parent in some way and you received nothing or less than.

Read about when Esau Forgives Jacob after Jacob returns during a long time away from Esau.  Jacob had fled when he learned Esau wanted to kill him for taking away his birthright and then later took his father’s blessing away from Esau as well.

 

You may have sinned greatly causing much harm to yourself and another/others.  You are discouraged and don’t know if GOD will forgive “this”.

Read about David and Bathsheba where David sees her bathing and sends messenger for her to come and lay with him.  He finds out she becomes pregnant while her husband Uriah is out fighting in the war.  He tries to cover up his offense at Uriah’s expense.  When Uriah is not cooperative with David’s plan, David orders that Uriah be put on the front lines and then have the army withdraw so that he dies.  Nathan confronts David about his sin.  David turns to the LORD in repentance and asks for forgiveness.  GOD forgives David, but there are consequences for his selfish sin.  Now the child they conceived together dies.  GOD restores David and blesses him and Bathsheba when HE allows them to bear another son named Solomon.

 

Focus For Forgiveness

Here is a model prayer to pray to GOD for forgiveness from extreme guilt and shame of the greatest of sin we may have committed:

Psalm 51

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

 

 

Power of Forgiveness

I have been changed by GOD’s forgiveness of my many sins.  I have learned from HIM by HIS extending to me forgiveness through HIS grace, mercy, and compassion.  Because of this change that has taken place within me, I am more apt to extend grace to others, to show mercy with cheerfulness, to listen with compassion, and to readily encourage others who need this.  I know HIS love more for me and I am able to love HIM and others in return.  I am now able to forgive others quickly and it be a regular response I have, since I was forgiven of so many sins, failures, and poor decisions in my own life.

Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to eat. And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, and stood at His feet behind Himweeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, “This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”  Luke 7:36-50

I so love this story of JESUS forgiving this distraught woman who so powerfully showed love to HIM…  A person who is forgiven much loves much!  When you’re forgiven, you become a more loving person to GOD and to others…

Science of Forgiveness

 

Click the link below and read the full review about Forgiveness:

Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley: Forgiveness

The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley covers the following topics:

What is Forgiveness?  Why Practice It?  How Do I Cultivate It?  

It is well worth the read and has science based research about forgiveness.

Here is some of the information from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley:

What Is Forgiveness?  

We can learn about it from what forgiveness is not:

  • it’s not glossing over or denying the seriousness of the offense against you
  • it’s not having to forget the offense nor accepting/excusing the offense as ok/right
  • it’s not having to reconcile with the person who harmed you especially in the case of abuse
  • it’s not releasing them from legal accountability in the case of severe wrongs

Why Practice It?  

Here are just a few benefits:

  • makes us happier
  • protects our mental health
  • improves our health
  • sustains relationships
  • good for marriages
  • boosts kindness and connectedness

How Do I Cultivate It?

Here are just a few ways:

  • it’s something you do for you, not a gift for someone else (though I do believe you can also gift someone with forgiveness if your heart is to reconcile or help them too)
  • express your emotions to yourself and to others
  • consider what you’ve learned from what happened to you -if there has been something positive gained from it
  • practice empathy
  • practice mindfulness of hurt feelings to choose forgiveness more readily
  • understand forgiveness is a process

 

 

 

 

 

If you're overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts 
or have a plan for suicide, it is ok to
get help from a mental health professional 
for meds to help support you 
as well as counseling as you look to be hopeful again 
and better manage your precious life 
(especially if you've been abused or experienced trauma in any way)...
You're worthwhile and valuable...
I care about you!!...  Reach out to me anytime...
I want you to be an overcomer and a fighter...
L.ive O.n V.ictorious E.ndeavor
Choose L.O.V.E.; 
L.ift-up I.nspirational F.uture E.ndure
Choose L.I.F.E.

 

 

In my acronym, S.T.A.R.T.S. will mean: 

something you do…

something new you do… 

something you continue to do…

 

Spiritual

Truths

Activated

Renew/Restore/Replenish

Together

Soundness

 

The Cambridge Dictionary states that:

pour your  heart out

to tell someone your secret feelings and things that worry you, usually because you feel a strong need to talk about them

 

The Free Dictionary by Farlex states further that:

pour your heart out

To share one’s deepest or most intimate emotions, thoughts, or secrets, especially in a profuse or sudden manner.
express your deepest feelings or thoughts in a full and unrestrained way.

Our Need

With being human, we all need an outlet to release our thoughts and emotions in a constructive manner that will ultimately benefit us with sharing such things with someone rather than keeping it all within – “bottled up” per say.
A bad attitude toward life may be due to holding within bitterness toward a person who has wronged us or toward difficult life event/s without ever dealing with the thoughts and emotions that accompany it.
Depression personally may be due to holding within anger toward self, anger and grief about missed opportunities, or anger and grief about difficult life circumstances (including loss of a loved one) that have happened over time.

Ways of Expression for Sweet Release

My favorite way to pour out my heart is through writing poetry and sharing my hurts, disappointments, difficulties, and sadness with GOD HIMSELF in learning to trust HIM to use hardships, trials, and tribulations to build within me faith and strong character.  I allow HIM to mold me into a better person through it all.
If I kept everything in without talking about it and dealing with it, I would go back into deep depression that I experienced as a youth. I once kept everything in.  I didn’t talk.  I was a loner for the most part, with only a few friends.  All my thoughts and emotions were locked away.  What I experienced because of this was anger inside, anger at life, mistrust of people, and really being a hateful person.  It was a detriment to me personally.  What if I had someone to talk to about what I dealt with instead of going it alone.  I didn’t have a relationship with GOD, at the time, who would have listened to me and helped me had I known I could turn to HIM for HIS care and support.  Life is difficult enough without having to also deal with unresolved and negative thoughts and emotions weighing heavily on the mind, heart, soul, and spirit.
A river needs to have an outlet to move along in forward motion as rains fill it to overflowing.  A river whose outlet is the ocean finds release from the pressure that otherwise builds up as in the case if a dam was built to contain it.
Our minds need an outlet for our thoughts, our hearts need to have an outlet for our emotions to move along forward in this life, our souls need to have an outlet to share hopes and dreams, and our spirit needs an outlet to connect to JESUS and our future in eternity…
If we don’t have an outlet, then negativity backs up, builds up pressure, causes one to erupt at some point with damaging consequences that may include suicidal thoughts and/or suicide attempts as an extreme measure seemingly forced into.  It simply becomes too much to handle and the stress is now too overwhelming.

Who To Turn To

If you have a close friend to talk to about anything and everything, consider yourself blessed to have that special someone in your life.  Not everyone has that.
Going to a counselor to help sort through life’s baggage that may include depression, mental illness, suicidal ideation, abuse, and/or trauma can bring breakthroughs in your life as you face these giants head on and learn to overcome and heal from the hurts you’ve experienced. It takes time, sometimes a very long time to see results.
I have my wife who is my helpmate for sure and can listen to a certain extent.  Yet, I don’t have that one guy in my life that I can talk with, be accountable to, and share my burdens I experience through life.
If you’re like me and need someone other than your spouse or a counselor, then GOD is the relationship you are to establish that can change everything in a positive direction…
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Isaiah 9:6
JESUS is the Wonderful Counselor who fills that deep seated need for support and encouragement we all need…
JESUS is Mighty GOD who fills the role of Protector and a Defense against our enemies…
JESUS is Everlasting FATHER who fills the role giving us the love and provision we need…
JESUS is Prince of Peace who fills the role of giving HIS peace within us to deal with anything that comes our way…

Pour Out Your Heart to GOD

Pouring out your heart to GOD is the single most beneficial thing you can do in your life.  He listens and understands.  JESUS, when HE came to earth as one of us (human too), experienced every type of temptation, stress, emotions, and thoughts yet was without sin. After HE died on the cross to satisfy GOD’s wrath, overcome death, deal with our enemies including satan, and to deal with and forgive our sin, HE became our High Priest who understands our weaknesses, daily bears our burdens, and prays for us.  HE knows and understands us more than anyone else can.

 

Pouring out your heart to GOD = extreme closeness to the heart of GOD

David, a shepherd boy, who later became the king of GOD’s people  is known as a man after GOD’s own heart.  Do you know why he was a man after GOD’s own heart.  David turned to GOD whenever he was dealing with life’s ups and downs and poured out his heart to HIM.  He wasn’t perfect and sinned in terrible ways.  So why then was he still a man after GOD’s own heart.  He made many mistakes, yet he turned to GOD quickly and asked for forgiveness and desired the relationship to be restored.  When good happened in his life, he turned to GOD and gave HIM thanks.  David is the author of many of the Psalms in the Bible.  If you want examples of pouring out your heart to GOD, you can read through the Psalms which are heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts that were burdensome to bear and deeply troubling to heartfelt pouring out of emotions and thoughts expressing gratitude.

 

I highly recommend getting a spiral notebook or other journal and begin the process of pouring out your heart of all its emotions and thoughts, hopes and dreams, failures and successes, and deepest needs expressed to GOD and you will be radically changed for the better by doing so…  Share your thoughts with HIM, cast your cares and anxieties onto HIM from your heart, bare your soul to HIM, and send up flares from your spirit unto HIM…  As you do so over time, things will begin to transform within you through development of your seeking relationship with your Creator who knows all things, knows you, knows what you need and yet wants you to just talk to HIM…

 

Pouring out your heart to GOD is a way of delighting in HIM… There is a wonderful promise to receive when we do this…

 

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

As I have delighted in the LORD, HE has given me some desires of my heart already:
* a wife
* children
* inspiration to write (mostly poetry)
* deliverance from fears and anxieties and being suicidal
* help and support with my mental illness (more of a sound mind and peace within)
* an orphan ministry
* ability to serve with children as one of my passions
* a heart of compassion with ability to show mercy with cheerfulness and to encourage others
* desire to be a pastor

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[a];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

 

 

 

Once so crumbling devastated

Then to be humbly elevated

Thankful for HIS grace…

 

Once so broken inside fragmented pieces

Then to have faith’s security, hope’s clarity, and love’s sincerity that increases

Thankful for HIS mercy…

 

Once so trapped in the deepest pit

Then to have the fortitude to never quit

Thankful for HIS compassion…

 

Once so alone in shock doubting and questioning all of reality in total darkness

Then to be brought near to HIM contrite into the Light rescued so my mind works with new ability and noble sparked interests

Thankful for HIS giving me faith…

 

Once so wavering in turmoil thought I’d been tossed out to sea with Heaven now closed

Then to be set free with destination in fact now open forevermore so my soul alert to HIS faithfulness knows

Thankful for HIS giving me hope…

 

Once so fearful, empty, selfish, and filled with self-hatred 

Then to be at peace, fully restored, reaching out, and overflowing fulfillment so my hearts desires come true of its longing created for, awaited for, and elated for the sacred

Thankful for HIS giving me love…

 

Once so weak sinking beneath the pressure and stress anxiously in agony left to my malady of bankruptcy almost a tragedy

Then in renewed strength rising above accepting my spirit beyond measure to profess consciously in cadency my testimony of amnesty about HIS remedy

Thankful for HIS giving HIS Spirit reuniting mine…

Mine or yours having fierce suicidal thoughts are not a sin in its reoccurring more than meditation

Mine or yours having fierce suicidal thoughts are a battle we can win enduring the onslaught and persevering until disaster passes without retaliation

My frontline reality is fighting beyond suicidal ideation into dreams desires for realization

My focus centrality is encouraging all to make it out within HIS remediation

My frame of reference is faith, hope, and love to abound from the Creator to HIS creation

My family I live for so I continue to press on with determination

My faith is that I don’t live for myself alone, but unto HIM in adoration

My freedom is to live pure to be secure in God the FATHER’s hands for the SON’s traits rebuilding within this clay as HIS formation

 

I know some will overcome every moment into freedom in the future with just being blood bought

I know some will succumb to its’ warring thoughts, yet with faith as small as a mustard seed will put trust in HIM continually knowing its not for nought

I know some will be numb from the scarring its wrought, yet rise above into new life after whats fraught

I know some will come to know JESUS once sparring alone to discover who helps in the battles fought

I know some will become found to enter in HIM after the jarring being stuck as HE lifts up with compassion from the pit caught

I know some will be from outer darkness until starring with HIM from mercy inward being taught

I know some will fall seven times and rise again 8, since each turn for help is hope and strength in HIM having sought

I know some will face their giants with grace until each one is slain to stand above the onslaught

 

Darkness doesn’t stand a chance

Against the Light

Making all things seen

 

Evil doesn’t stand a chance

Against One’s Love

Setting captives free

 

Depression doesn’t stand a chance

Against new Life

Accepting oneself even in misery

 

Mental Illness doesn’t stand a chance

Against lessons learned

Pressing on despite its history

 

Suicidal ideation doesn’t stand a chance

Against my cries coming to YOUR ears listening

Letting go to live on in future’s Mystery

What do I need to do

To get you through

The hardest part of living

 

What do I need to prove

To lead you to what is new into

The hardest heart I’m giving

 

When will you believe

In order to receive

A purpose centered on mission as focused vision within Living Water overflow

 

When will you perceive

In order to conceive

Grace, mercy, and compassion given from above into your below

 

Why do you doubt 

Theres a better way out

To live with faith, hope, and love beyond measure

 

Why do you shout

To who doesn’t already know what it’s all about

A homecoming for your soul HE has sought, He has bought, He has wrought as precious treasure

 

Where are you going

Closed shut blowing in the wind for you could be drawn in openhanded

Receive a place all your own with healing for the pain

 

Where are you growing

Closed shut above the ground for you could be drawn in to be planted

Though you die, new life will sprout appealing to what you’ll gain

 

How are you on your own

Fending for yourself unknown

Hiding until almost dying; question lie inside -fights the nights without light

 

How will you be if not alone

Defending your soul on HIS throne

Abiding until foremost arriving in Heaven beside guide -delights to ride on the heights