Archive for the ‘depression’ Category

What is Easter or Resurrection Sunday?

After JESUS died on the cross for you and I, HE rose again to Life…

What does that mean for me?

If you’ve put your trust and hope in JESUS for the forgiveness of your sins,  HE has bought and won victory for you through HIS shed blood, death on the cross, burial, and resurrection on the 3rd day.

What victory?

You may know that HE won victory over sin, satan, hell, death and the grave. HE is the Way, the Truth, and the Life…  You receive forgiveness for your sins, victory over sin, authority over satan in JESUS name, and the promise of a prepared place for you in Heaven after you die.  Since HE is alive HE will never leave nor forsake you…  You don’t have to be alone…

After JESUS died on the cross, HE was placed in a tomb with a large and heavy rock blocking its entrance.  The chief priests remembering that JESUS said “after 3 days I will rise again” asked Pilate, the governor to have soldiers secure the tomb and stand guard.

HE is the Light of the world and walked alive once again into the light at dawn of a new day after HIS crucifixion on the cross…  HE will bring HIS Light into your darkness and one day shine within you…  HE will help you through the depression, mental illness, and/or suicidal thoughts…  HE did it for me and HE can do it for you too…

Luke 24

Jesus Has Risen

24 On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.

When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. 10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. 11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. 12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.

On the Road to Emmaus

13 Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles[a] from Jerusalem. 14 They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. 15 As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; 16 but they were kept from recognizing him.

17 He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”

They stood still, their faces downcast. 18 One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?”

19 “What things?” he asked.

“About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. 20 The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; 21 but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place. 22 In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning 23 but didn’t find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive. 24 Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but they did not see Jesus.”

25 He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken! 26 Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” 27 And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.

28 As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther. 29 But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.

30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”

33 They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together 34 and saying, “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.” 35 Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.

Jesus Appears to the Disciples

36 While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”

37 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. 38 He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? 39 Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”

40 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. 41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” 42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish, 43 and he took it and ate it in their presence.

44 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”

45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. 46 He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, 47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. 48 You are witnesses of these things. 49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”

The Ascension of Jesus

50 When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. 51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. 52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. 53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.

What if you doubt?  JESUS understands and has compassion on you if you doubt HIM.  HE can reveal HIMSELF to you and help you believe.  HE helped Thomas who doubted, so HE will help you too…  JESUS says we are blessed if we believe and yet have not seen HIM yet…

Jesus among His Disciples

19 So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and *said to them, “Peace be with you.” 20 And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained.”

24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples were saying to him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the imprint of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.”

26 After eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus *came, the doors having been [f]shut, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.” 27 Then He said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing.” 28 Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.”

Why This Gospel Was Written

30 Therefore many other signs Jesus also performed in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; 31 but these have been written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you may have life in His name.

We read that JESUS met with those HE cared for and loved after HIS death to help them believe in HIM, continue to trust in HIM, to encourage them, and to give them their mission assignment after HE returned to Heaven…

This is the reason I share my faith story, GOD’s Word, and refer to JESUS throughout my writing…  I have found victory in Christ for my life and I’m compelled to share the faith, hope, and love I have found in HIM…  HE is faithful and true…  HE is able to give you victory in your life too…

Have you fallen away from your relationship with JESUS for any reason?  One of my favorite stories in the Bible is how Peter is restored and redeemed by JESUS after being risen to life…  HE knew Peter felt guilt and shame after he had disowned HIM 3 times leading up to HIS death.

John 21 

Jesus Appears at the Sea of Galilee

21 After these things Jesus manifested Himself again to the disciples at the Sea of Tiberias, and He manifested Himself in this way. Simon Peter, and Thomas called Didymus, and Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, and the sons of Zebedee, and two others of His disciples were together. Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will also come with you.” They went out and got into the boat; and that night they caught nothing.

But when the day was now breaking, Jesus stood on the beach; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. So Jesus said to them, “Children, you do not have any fish, do you?” They answered Him, “No.” And He said to them, “Cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat and you will find a catch.” So they cast, and then they were not able to haul it in because of the great number of fish. Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” So when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put his outer garment on (for he was stripped for work), and threw himself into the sea. But the other disciples came in the little boat, for they were not far from the land, but about one hundred yards away, dragging the net full of fish.

So when they got out on the land, they saw a charcoal fire already laid and fish placed on it, and bread. 10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.” 11 Simon Peter went up and drew the net to land, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not torn.

Jesus Provides

12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples ventured to question Him, “Who are You?” knowing that it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish likewise. 14 This is now the third time that Jesus was manifested to the disciples, after He was raised from the dead.

The Love Motivation

15 So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.” 16 He *said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him “Shepherd My sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus *said to him, “Tend My sheep.

JESUS allowed Peter to return his love to JESUS and JESUS reappointed him to love HIM and others with new found responsibility…  HE is able to restore and redeem you too!!!…

JESUS, even before HE died on the cross, revealed that HE was the Resurrection and the Life… Let’s take a look:

John 11:20-28

20 Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus was coming, went to meet Him, but Mary stayed at the house. 21 Martha then said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.” 23 Jesus *said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 Martha said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” 27 She said to Him, “Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world.”

JESUS reassures Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary that Lazarus would rise again to life…  HE went on into the tomb where Lazarus laid after he had died.  JESUS raised Lazarus to life again…  HE is able to handle anything you’re dealing with in this life…  HE will encourage and support you as you walk with HIM putting your faith and trust in HIM…  HE will be with you even to the end and then welcome you into Heaven to live forevermore…

Psalm 103

Of David.

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

You may thank HIM for these benefits that HE has won victory for you to have in your life…

If you need prayer, support, encouragement, and/or have questions/concerns let me know and I will respond back to you soon…

May the LORD bless and keep you in HIS care and love always and forever…

So it’s Good Friday.  What is so good about it?

What is celebrated is JESUS crucified on the cross.

So HE died.  What is that to me?

It was for you…  for me… for the whole world…

There is an intimate, radical, and victorious reason HE did so to be remembered and for some to newly discover…

 

JESUS knew he was about to die before it happened.  HE mentions it to HIS disciples that it was imminent.

“As you know, the Passover is two days away—and the Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified.”  Matthew 26:2

JESUS makes it even more evident of HIS coming death by letting them know how important the woman is who poured out her perfume on HIM…

While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table.

When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. “Why this waste?” they asked. “This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.” 

Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. Truly I tell you, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”  Matthew 26: 6-13

As HE shared the Last Supper with HIS disciples, HE also knew one of HIS disciples would betray HIM.  HE foreknew the previous event:   Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. 16 From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.  Matthew 26:14

Even during the meal that night, JESUS made it known who would betray HIM.

Jesus replied, “The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.”

Then Judas, the one who would betray him, said, “Surely you don’t mean me, Rabbi?”

Jesus answered, “You have said so.”  Matthew 23-25

Have you ever felt darkness of being betrayed by someone you knew well.  For you, it may be devastating.  JESUS knows and understands what you’ve felt and gone through…

Darkness would fall on Judas Iscariot.

When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.”

So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.  Matthew 27:3-5

You don’t need to respond like Judas!!…  You can turn back to JESUS, ask for forgiveness, and be restored to right relationship with GOD again…  If you have not known JESUS, you can turn to HIM for the first time and ask for forgiveness, ask JESUS to come into your heart and life, and repent to live the new life JESUS paid for, by HIS death, for you to have…

 

JESUS went on to say that night that all the disciples would not stay with HIM even when Peter said that he would still be there for HIM even if all the others weren’t.  Then Peter said he would even die with HIM.  The other disciples also said they would die with HIM.

Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written:

“‘I will strike the shepherd,
    and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’

But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”

Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”

But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same.  Matthew 26: 31-35

Have you ever experienced your friends or family not being there for you in your darkest hour?  JESUS knows and understand this so well…  HE is One who is there for you, will walk with you through it, and lead you into HIS Light if you will trust and abide i\n HIM while waiting for your breakthroughs in GOD’s timing and way…

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”

43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”

Darkness fell upon JESUS.  HE understands the mental, emotional, and spiritual torment that can be experienced in this life…  An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. Luke 22: 43-44  Though JESUS’ experience is to a greater degree, have you ever felt so much anguish awakening from a nightmare or feel like you’re living a nightmare and you’re sweating profusely?  I have!  Again, HE can be relied upon to support you, care for you, and see you through it…  HE loves those with depression and/or mental illness.  It took me 19 years of dealing on and off with depression and mental illness with ongoing faith and trust being placed in JESUS to see HIS victories in my life, HIS peace finally breakthrough during extreme trials/temptations, and HIS perfect love cast out my fears…  If HE did it for me, HE will do it for you too…

JESUS is then betrayed by Judas Iscariot.  Soldiers advance to arrest JESUS.  The disciples pull their swords and one of the disciples cuts off a servant of the high priest’s ear to which JESUS immediately tells them to put away their swords and heals the servant’s ear back into place.

While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.

Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend.”[d]

Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. With that, one of Jesus’ companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?”

In that hour Jesus said to the crowd, “Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I sat in the temple courts teaching, and you did not arrest me. But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.  Matthew 26: 47-56

Have you ever felt abandoned and left all alone in your troubles?  Though JESUS could have been helped by GOD the FATHER and angels be called upon to save and deliver HIM, HE willingly surrendered.  Was this suicide?  Would he take HIS own life?  No, JESUS would not take HIS own life!!!  HE gave HIS own life… with willingness to die at the hands of those in earthly command by sinners for the benefit of all sinners who would turn to HIM to be saved…  There is an emphatic and distinct difference.  How can you give your life in service to JESUS, rather than take your life ending your opportunities to make a positive difference while alive?  You may find yourself in the midst of the darkest depression or season of your mental illness. If so, you need to rely on JESUS to care for you and even carry you along.  Then begin to practice loving and caring for yourself the way JESUS does until you are able to do that which may help others…  Let HIM rescue, restore, and redeem your life in order to have a testimony to share with others who need your compassion in being an example of what JESUS can also do for them…

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13

JESUS was brought before the Sanhedrin, where the chief priests looked for and made up reasons why JESUS should be put to death.  Peter followed within a crowd to see what would happen.  JESUS was accused falsely, spit at, and hit with fists…  During this time, Peter is noticed as one who was seen with JESUS.  Peter had come as far as he was able in his own strength to remain as near JESUS as he could muster.

Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said.

But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”

He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”

After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”

Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”

Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.  Matthew 26: 69-75

Darkness fell on Peter.  He failed in the fight, fell away in fear, and had forsaken JESUS whom he loved in moments of weakened faith.  Maybe you can relate on some level.  You haven’t lived up to who you thought you were or are meant to be.  You were broken by it. JESUS knows and understands!!!…

JESUS goes before the governor Pilate.  He asks JESUS if HE is the King of the Jews?  JESUS replied “You have said so.”  However, when the chief priests and elders were accusing HIM, HE said nothing in response.  Pilate did not want to hand JESUS over to be crucified.  He gave the option of releasing Barabbas, a criminal, or JESUS who is called the Messiah.  The crowd called for Barabbas to be freed.  He asked what do you want to do with JESUS.  They all yelled “crucify HIM!”  Pilate, still not wanting to have JESUS executed, asked for what crime HE had committed.  But the crowd yelled even louder “crucify HIM!”

Have you ever been accused of something you haven’t done?  Or have you ever felt a part of you die when someone accused of you something you did do wrong?  JESUS committed no crime, but was sentenced to die.  Yet he would die for “crimes”.  It was for our crimes (sins) that we have committed.

Then the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around him. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, 29 and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. 30 They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. 31 After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.  Matthew 27: -31

Have you ever been humiliated and/or beaten down?  No one has experienced the depths of that which JESUS did.  So HE understands and is compassionate toward you.

Just as there were many who were appalled at him[c]
    his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being
    and his form marred beyond human likeness—  Isaiah 52:14

As the soldiers led HIM away, Simon from Cyrene was made to carry JESUS’ cross.  Two criminals were also executed on either side of JESUS.

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  Luke 23: 33-34

If JESUS forgave those who were putting HIM to death, wouldn’t HE forgive you for whatever you have done!  HE would and HE will…

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[d]

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”  Luke 23: 39-43

JESUS was able to also forgive and accept the criminal dying next to him who had no time to change his actions or fix/make course corrections for his life.  Yet that criminal acknowledged his sin, realized JESUS could save him, and simply asked JESUS to remember him. If you’re still breathing, you are able to turn to JESUS by acknowledging your sin to GOD, believing in JESUS being able to forgive and accept you, and trusting in HIM to remember you to live in HIS Kingdom forevermore…  Ask HIM…  Maybe, you’re remembering a time when you were closer to JESUS, but have strayed and wandered off the path.  You may still make a course correction and return to HIM who is the Shepherd and Overseer of your soul…  It is okay to restart a walk with HIM again…

It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.  Luke 23: 44-46

Has depression and/or a mental illness darkened your view of life right now?  Has it felt as though the brightness of the sun once shining brightly in your life has faded somehow?  Though there is darkness now, there will be a day when the SON will shine all the more brighter again for you… for all who have believed and trusted in JESUS…  if not here, then for sure in Heaven…

GOD’s plan to punish the crimes committed by the world was to place all “our” sins upon HIS SON JESUS.  HE was to die for us, in our place, for GOD to be able to forgive us and take away our sins by HIS death…  All of GOD’s wrath fell upon JESUS, so it wouldn’t fall on us.  GOD let darkness cover the whole land.  Our whole darkness covered HIM.  HE died once and for all.  For you, for me, for all of us…  Will the Light shine again?  Look forward to reading my next post soon to understand better what I mean…  JESUS wouldn’t stay dead…  Life is about to be new…

Isaiah 53

The Suffering Servant

53 Who has believed our message?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot,
And like a root out of parched ground;
He has no stately form or majesty
That we should look upon Him,
Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.
He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of God, and afflicted.
But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on Him.

He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He did not open His mouth;
Like a lamb that is led to slaughter,
And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers,
So He did not open His mouth.
By oppression and judgment He was taken away;
And as for His generation, who considered
That He was cut off out of the land of the living
For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due?
His grave was assigned with wicked men,
Yet He was with a rich man in His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was there any deceit in His mouth.

10 But the Lord was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief;
If He would render Himself as a guilt offering,
He will see His offspring,
He will prolong His days,
And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand.
11 As a result of the [p]anguish of His soul,
He will see it and be satisfied;
By His knowledge the Righteous One,
My Servant, will justify the many,
As He will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great,
And He will divide the booty with the strong;
Because He poured out Himself to death,
And was numbered with the transgressors;
Yet He Himself bore the sin of many,
And interceded for the transgressors.

 

I recently shared my suicide attempt story with Anne Moss Rogers who is an author, a public speaker, and a suicide prevention trainer.  She is the site owner of the Emotionally Naked Blog. Her son Charles Aubrey Rogers died by suicide on June 5, 2015.  Anne has dedicated her life to help others who have suffered the loss of a loved one and to help prevent suicide through awareness and training.  She allows others to share their stories and is a voice of hope with a compassionate heart.  She carries precious memories of her son as she carries on to make a positive difference in this world…

Here is the article I wrote:  https://annemoss.com/2020/01/06/a-suicide-attempt-survivor-speaks-out/

I walk past my dad sleeping on the couch.  He came to get me.  I open the door slowly, quietly.  I close it behind me.  I realize now that it was unwise of me to not get help and go it on my own.  But I didn’t think of getting help until it was too late.  Ask for help if you need it!…

I walk away further than I had been into the darkest night.  I had been walking away for quite some time.  Away from faith and trust in JESUS.  Late nights, barely any sleep.  Trying to get through my university classes and working.  Hadn’t been eating much if not at all for weeks.  Thoughts began turning against me until suicidal.  I realize now I was needing to eat and nourish my body and was part of the reason my mind turned against myself.  Nourish your body so as not to do it damage or cause the wiring in the brain to malfunction/misfire…

As I walked onward, the intensity of the situation became unbearable.  GOD seemed to be warning me and I questioned it wondering if I should turn back.  Then I made the decision to go farther at a quicker pace.  Swarms of mosquitos appear out of nowhere attacking my hypersensitive self to make matters worse and more dreadful than at first.  It was torturous and had never happened to me before nor anytime after.  I think about turning back again.  I continue on instead.  I believe GOD was trying to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen.  I realize now that it wasn’t GOD’s heart for me to do.  GOD doesn’t tempt us to hurt ourselves or to commit suicide and wants us to trust HIM as HE works in and through us to become who HE’s called us to be…

I understand though how someone can get so low as to commit suicide.  I don’t judge, yet I know that GOD’s heart is not for this to be the outcome…

I ended up in a field of abandoned cars.  Ironic that this is how I felt.  Abandoned.  An empty shell of my former self.  Wide open to the elements.  No more human presence.  Not able to go anymore.  Broken spirit like all the engines there.  I sat in one of the doorless vehicles contemplating for hours whether I’d take my life or not.  Then I contemplated what seemed like just minutes or seconds. 2 or 3 times got ready then decided this is it.  It was then as if the enemy of my soul took his heavy pressuring off of me as I attempted.  It was as if he pushed me to that edge.  Then I was left all alone.  So I thought.  I realize now that GOD doesn’t give up on anyone and will help us when we turn back to HIM in trust continuing to live on until HE rebuilds us… Place your trust in GOD to get you through anything by choosing to endure and persevere for there is great reward if you do…

 

I came up for air.  I realize now GOD wouldn’t let me drown, because HE had a plan for my life…  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD has a plan for a hope and a future for you too…

 

Confused.  What did I do?  I was scared.  Cursed.  Accursed?  That is how I felt.  I realize now that GOD has great compassion and enduring mercy.  HE wouldn’t abandon me like the car in the broken empty graveyard.  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD will show you great compassion and enduring mercy to the most difficult things you’ve experienced in your life…  Let HIM help you too…

 

I’m still alive.  Am I though?  I felt so lost, ashamed, and guilt ridden as I walked back.  I realize now GOD would find me, heal me, and forgive me further along the healing journey.   But I didn’t know it then.  At some point GOD will find you, heal you inside, and forgive you too if you ask HIM, seek HIM, and knock for HIM when don’t give up (took time over 19 years to experience healing of various aspects of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit). JESUS is faithful and true and I couldn’t do it on my own without HIM… HE’s brought me this far and I give HIM thanks in all things the good, the bad, and the ugly…

 

As I reached the nearest road, a person pulled over and took me to my apartment with my dad unknowing of one of the darkest moments of my life.  I was so desperate that I didn’t even tell him the seriousness of what I was dealing with.  I realize now that GOD moved on my dad’s heart to come get me traveling over 800 miles after I called my mom and let her know I wasn’t doing good.  If you need to be honest and tell someone you need help too, do it…  It’s ok when you’re feeling so very weak to get support until you’re better… Don’t wait (especially if you’re thinking of suicide and/or not eating…) It’s ok…  Getting help is being human and alive…  If you don’t have anyone, feel free to reach out to me…  Email me at:  jeffandtami@truevine.net

There are emergency numbers to call on this website as well.

To be continued…

 

 

 

Childhood left far behind

Memories though remind

Of innocence 

And freedom

For a time

 

Crushes left far behind

Memories though remind

Of interest

Other than just me

And mine

 

Hometown left far behind

Memories though remind

Of stability

And familiarity

Entwined

 

New to now old places left far behind

Memories though remind

Of adjustment not ready

And coping unsteady

Disinclined

 

Youth growing pains left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failures in choices made

And mistakes in decisions strayed

Misaligned

 

Broken relationships left far behind

Memories though remind

Of awkwardness

And immaturity

Combined

 

Peace and hope soon left far behind

Memories though remind

Of JESUS changing my demeanor

And self-esteem with composure

Aligned 

 

Friends and family left far behind

Memories though remind

Of being lost and afraid

And sin’s cost betrayed

Unrefined

 

Relationship with HIM left far behind

Memories though remind

HE’s the only way, the truth, and the life

Of shock to feel forsaken

And suicidal thoughts overtaken

Inclined

 

Realities once known left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith in HIM for HIS mercy plead for

And only HE can rescue to restore

A sound mind

 

From psych hospital left far behind

Memories though remind

Of the pain and darkness tumbling

And life moving forward in starkness stumbling 

Blind

 

Seek HIM whom I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of mental illness diagnosis

And depression with psychosis

Confined

 

New opportunities with purpose I thought were left far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS truth and kindness shown before

And HIS Word anew choosing to seek HIM to implore

Unwind

 

Someone close I’d have to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of HIS choice for me to marry

And HIS way, truth, and the life chosen though I’d tarry

Outlined

 

Another episode into psych hospital again I thought was left far behind

Memories though remind

Of fears revisited and hallucinations come alive

And paranoia riveted inside

Divide

 

Another miracle release yet I felt left far behind

Memories though remind

Of continuing to call on HIS name for help and fears increased to cease to be set free

And so weak, weary, and wavering I’d barely hold on to a sense of reality

Contrived

 

Somehow I’d live and work with a growing family beside trying to leave the negative far behind

Memories though remind

Of hit and miss volleys of episodes small and large in magnitude

And the loss of less and less aptitude 

Maligned 

 

There were times I’d be alright with new peace and hope replacing what I wanted left far behind

Memories though remind

Of peace and hope not lasting for long

And I was a step away from a sense of security being gone

Unbind

 

My life crashed down again heading back to another psych hospital that I couldn’t leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of the wreckage I was causing my family broken apart

And damage of decades of doubt taken its toll on my heart

Deride

 

This time I’d protect my wife and fight the enemy and my demons I thought I left far behind

Memories though remind

Of failed attempts, of fear inept, and darkness’s depths while looking above

And yet I chose to walk by faith each step of the way confronting each giant to slay -along came love

To guide

 

My sense of love for my family upon seeing them I never want to leave far behind

Memories though remind

Of desire to fight to keep and to hold them close

And choose to put HIM first and love HIM most

Abide

 

I’d falter once again to enter the psych hospital and another battle escalated with the enemy of my soul who wants me left far behind

Memories though remind

Of faith, hope, and love that remains and the Spirit within to fight the war ensued outside

And HE proves faithful to be there by my side to protect my family, then to center me to defeat my enemy of pride, of lies, of disguise, of negative ties that have followed me from behind

Tried

 

I fight the good fight with HIS grace, mercy, forgiveness, encouragement, and compassion that has not left me far behind

Memories though remind

Of the battles that still need to be fought for others to know the truth

And become HIS disciple who follows with faith, hope, and love as proof

Decide

 

HE promises to never leave nor forsake when trust HIM, so there’s no fear of what’s left far behind

Memories though remind

Of praying on the armor and saving souls as wise being a soldier who will fight on the frontline

And to press on Heavenward to win the prize as a reflection of HIS Light to shine

Realigned

 

HE didn’t leave me far behind, but left the ninety-nine to come after me to find

Memories though remind

Of the deepest, darkest pit I fell into, that I might see -what HE bought would continue to pursue with love’s stride open to what frees

And to show and tell of HIS rescue, not just for me -but for you too HE will do until we’re made new… from above provide in what HE’s

Designed

 

 

 

 

 

Stranded on an island a lost man

Reprimanded for depression -why banned?

Openhanded to bystanders disband

Empty handed as one meanders then to remand

Withstand the pressure of hurricane force in sinking sand

Unplanned shock in full measure restrained remorse can’t understand

Branded with mental illness desiring only help and support in demand

 

Broken down and fallen apart

Fallen ground and broken heart

Sullen around look to restart

Fullness in HIM will impart

Newness of life again jumpstart

Openness to love won’t depart

Stillness set apart for HIS will a work of art

 

Found what I was looking for

Only in HIM the way to restore

All that was lost and taken before

Given back more and more still implore

Persevere to live on for Whom will reward

Run this race face forward press on toward

Heaven’s gaze trace and erase sins failure in war

Poor in spirit chase embrace from HIM once more

 

A soldier stronger no longer distracted

Beholder of HIS strength await contracted

Bolster in faith, hope, and love to be refracted

Mold occur within by the Potter for HIS use to serve impacted

A shoulder to cry on with mercy and compassion protracted

Exposure of years of pain make me who I am into faith and grace extracted

Closure given about my past with composure for the future with HIM attracted

Disclosure driven in the mission to encourage others to fight on whenever contacted 

 

2 Timothy 2:3-4

Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

The fight inside was against myself

I’d lose what was good health

Witness my downfall to the edge of Sheol took away a hundredfold  

 

The fight inside my mind

I’d lose over and over

Mental illness took control

 

The fight inside my heart

I’d lose to fears I feared

Brokenness took its toll

 

The fight inside my soul

I’d lose to depression

Darkness took hold

 

The fight inside my spirit

I’d lose what’s left of freedom

Sentence in chains where demons tormented with pain and confusion untold

 

The fight inside I tapped out

I’d lose my life until HE’d step into my cage and win for me

Openness took time for new life to unfold