Archive for the ‘courage’ Category

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I admit I lost my way

A long time before

I walked away

There was nothing more

A youth to the world did sway

Nothing more to live for

My whole life bent toward decay

Within alone losing a war

Without HIM falling astray

With all of me closing doors

Saying my goodbye that day

No longer a prayer towards

Downward spiral hides sun’s rays

Carried by waves far from shore

Darkness overtakes where demons play

Losing hold of reality to ignore

Thoughts in mind collide into a daze

No longer eating much in store

Thoughts in mind attack into a haze

Depression has reached the core

Mental illness enters a new phase

Suicidal encompasses every pore

No longer can make it out of the maze

A call for help is made too late implore

Dark night of the soul crippling tase

Leave to attempt suicide ending the uproar

A compromised life with past of guilt and shame in fear at did gaze

 

I recommit to find HIS way

Even though worse off than before

I cry out from far away

There in the distance I want HIM more

A youth Heavenward don’t want to sway

Faith, wavering, believe more to live for

My whole life vent for HIM to save from decay

Within alone, only for HIM invite to fight my war

Without others to help, HE seeks this lost sheep astray

With all of me knocking for HIM to open my heart’s door

Reunion to come inside being there for me every day

Weaker, but stronger in prayer towards

Lifting me up from the pit to see again sun’s rays

Walks on water rescuing from drowning leading me to shore

Darkness is Light to HIM and the demons will flee from play

Winning HE holds my reality and doesn’t ignore

Renewing my mind to get out of a daze

Eating meals again to regain strength in store

Fight the good fight thinking on truth to see through the haze

Depression lifting for HE has reached into my core

With mental illness, HE is strong entering into redemptions phase

Desiring to live right anew with grace, mercy, and compassion releasing from every pore

Now stronger HE leads me into the land of the living out of the maze

A call on HIS name saves me and wasn’t too late for HIM when I’d implore

HE is ever ready and willing to enter the dark night of the soul healing from what did tase

Retrieved me after my attempt from suicide ending the uproar

A new life for a hope and a future free of guilt and shame without fear into HIS eyes will gaze

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I know the rise and fall

I know my demise and HIS call

Will I arise to follow with my all or wallow just to stall

Choose to be wise chosen or who I am defeats; hides unopened

 

I know standing at HIS commanding and in the pit landing amiss stranding

I know sinking expanding and faltering blinking for help demanding

Will I live or will I die

Choose to give or stay awry

 

I know to press on in forward humble motion and the stress from backward stumble demotion

I know to address the cause of Christ in devotion and to digress a pause of thrice commotion

Will I be one who will blaze a trail or be one who still strays to only fail

Choose to gaze at HIS eyes entail to prevail or stuck in a haze to then derail

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me rise to answer HIS call submitting to extend for others to do the same

I now know HE’s the only One who hears my cries to answer when I fall uplifting me to mend though I’m to blame

I now know I will follow the only One who saves souls as wise to answer by knitting within eternity for whoever calls on HIS Name

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me stand on the Rock of Salvation commanding contrite obey;  guiding 77 x 7 resurrection’s forgiven to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who delivers from the pit with Mighty Right hand; secures chock concentration abandoning fright away; abiding to listen with detections mission closer to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who is the reason I will live with open hand; give stock elation notwithstanding any plight dismay; igniting faith, hope, and love given anew and unto HIM

 

I now know HE’s the only One who moves me by HIS Spirit firsthand to take stock with HIS rations banding together to fight the good fight each day; inciting justice to lend course corrections driven by truth in love through HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who has a Master’s plan for HIS flock since creation longstanding, despite shame denying detections I even knew HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who makes a way in the desert sand; knock to open hydration streams in the wasteland bring sight always providing reflections into HIM

 

Arise Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again

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But everything exposed by the light becomes visible–and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”  Ephesians 5:13-14

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A new day dawns

A previous year gone

A new year begun

A studious you -will run

A new song sung

An obedience to YOU clung

A new heart and spirit in the SON

A serious vision with more freedom among

A new path to walk along

A mysterious way to belong

 

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How are you?  Really!?…  I pray for you…  I’m here for you!!… Sincerely…

How am I thought of?  I wonder.  How am I seen?  Maybe real and genuine.  Maybe off base and peculiar.  How do I come across?  Maybe human and down to earth.  Maybe human and troubled.  Maybe human with a spiritual connection to GOD and Heaven…  Probably a little of each component that makes up my whole being with much left unexplored and unknown…

My preferred way of communication is poetry.  If you have any familiarity with my site, it is engulfed by poems.  Some are simple and to the point and you understand where I’m coming from.  Some are complicated and confusing and you don’t understand what I’m talking about.

The simple and to the point come from a heightened awareness of GOD, HIS love, and times of peaceful recollection, remembrance, and restoration of HIS work in my life…  A tranquil day in the sun…  The complicated and confusing come from a darkened depression turned to mental illness in processing the lonely, anxiety ridden, and fearfully prolonged moments of a life trying to manage everything after being suicidal and making an actual attempt. A chaotic storm in the middle of the darkest night.

Maybe I need to write more like this; acquainting with you in paragraph form, thought by thought sequence, conversation style, letting you in more so to know some of my soul, to know me as a fellow human living this life to overcome and be a fighter still pressing on no matter what comes my way; facing it head on with courage and strength -even though I’m weak…

I have tried to convey faith, hope, and love in writing on this here blog to inspire, encourage, and support those struggling with depression, mental illness, abuse, and/or suicidal thoughts…  Has it made a difference for anyone?  I don’t really know.  I hope so…  not for my benefit, but for theirs and for yours…

My faith is in JESUS who is my Savior, my Redeemer, my KING of kings and LORD of lords…  My hope is in GOD the FATHER for grace and mercy in times of need…  My love works in and through me by HIS Spirit…  My faith is that you find faith in HIM too…  My hope is that you will hope in HIM too…  My love for and from HIM is for you to find HIS love too…  Faith, hope, and love remain…  And most prominently love is greater than all… And most assuredly love never fails…  HIS lovingkindness endures forever…  HIS mercy endures forever…

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  Luke 6:45

Why do I talk so much about JESUS and spiritual things?  After what HE’s miraculously done with my fallen and broken life, how can I not speak of HIM who overflows my heart and sustains my life…  My life has been radically changed by GOD’s love for me and has made an eternally positive difference all because of JESUS…  So I include HIM in all that I say in some way… Maybe there are those who are turned off by this.  I don’t know.  Maybe there are those who haven’t experienced HIS love and care as of now up to this point, thus being foreign to them and unknown. Maybe there are those who feel let down or abandoned by GOD and blame HIM for all that is wrong in their life.  Maybe there are those who just don’t know what to think or feel about all this.  Is GOD real?  If HE is, will HE help me?  Will HE be there for me?  Will HE see me through the darkness and hard things in this life?  Will HE not abandon me to myself and all that is within that consumes and drowns me?

All of the answers to these questions are “yes” in HIS timing and way…  Now will you only trust HIM and believe… If you do, your life will change and you will find new strength and purpose for a future and a hope… If you do, then you open yourself up to HIS help, to HIS forgiveness, to HIS love, and to HIS comfort and care…  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us… Ephesians 3:20

GOD wants you to come to HIM, to know HIM, to make HIM known, and to love you and through you show love to others;  saved and found by JESUS… “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.  As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’  Acts 17:24-28

These truths you can believe, trust, and build your very life upon… Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Timothy  1: 15-17

Are you ready to begin a new journey into freedom by HIS grace and mercy at work in your life?  HE will be redeeming your past, restoring your present, and replenishing you onward into the future and a hope HE has prepared since the beginning before you were even conceived in your mother’s womb and born to face the challenges and brokenness of life moving forward with faith to believe and trust, with hope as an anchor for your soul, and with love HE pours into you by HIS Spirit to now and forever love HIM and love others too…  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22: 37-39

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Have you ever wanted someone to be your friend always and forever?  To be there in the most dark and difficult times?  To be there going through what you’re going through? To never have to be alone?  To bring you to a safe and secure place providing for all your needs?  JESUS meets that need and desire…  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” —Hebrews 13:5

 

How are you?  Really!?  I pray for you…  I am here for you!!…  Sincerely…

Jeff Watts

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Salvation believed

Inspiration received

Adoration achieved

Emancipation relieved

Captivation conceived

 

I may be quiet

Yet 

My mind is thinking of You and all that is Thine

 

I may be silent

Yet

My heart is beating for and with You together to dine

 

I may be resting

Yet

My body is needing Your touch so kind

 

I may be calm

Yet

My soul is yearning for You to restore all that is mine

 

I may be tranquil

Yet

My spirit is awaiting for You to refill within that I may shine

 

I may be of few words

Yet

I can’t thank You enough from deep inside

 

I may be very tired

Yet

I come to You for You within to reside

 

I may not be meditating on Your words often

Yet 

I want to hide them in my heart to always abide

 

I may be depressed

Yet

I continue on in faith, hope, and love so above it again will I rise

 

I may not have that look of joy

Yet

I have Your peace surpassing all understanding guarding my heart and mind

 

I may rarely laugh

Yet

I am serious with prayer and fighting for our family and others each night

 

I may not see You with my eyes

Yet

I believe by faith to please You with hope to no longer deny and love even when life goes awry

 

I may have questions

Yet

I trust You even if I never get answers to why

 

I may still have anxiety and fear at times

Yet

I will walk humbly, seek justice, and love mercy laying down pride

 

I may still await dreams to come true

Yet 

I will let the outcomes that from Your hands in Your plans will decide

 

I may wander some though wiser

Yet

I will learn to walk with You beside

 

I may not like Your discipline in my life

Yet

I discern You love me and I must die to self as You lead and guide

 

I may be weak

Yet

You are my strength and in You I find a Refuge in which to hide

 

I may think too much of past failure

Yet

I will do my best to forget what is behind, press on to run so as to win the prize, continue to fight the good fight with grace and mercy supplied

 

I may not be where I need to be at midlife

Yet

I will learn to do right with Your Word in me applied

 

I may not always be pleasing in Your sight

Yet

I have come so far by Your power and love at work in me comprised

 

I may not have many friends

Yet

I know in You I can always come to confide

 

I may not have overcome to be more than a conqueror

Yet

I will fix my eyes on You until I have arrived in Your arms open wide

 

I may not be mature

Yet

I trust You that I will come forth as gold tried and purified

 

I may not be ready to take on more with ministry

Yet 

I wait on You to work within me continually until qualified

 

I may have stumbled more numerous than I’d like to admit

Yet

I have always turned back to You, called on Your name, and on You alone relied

 

I may have come close to a tragic end

Yet

I have known Your miracle and healing ways that have surprised

 

I may have to go through another episode I really don’t want to face

Yet

I have come to know You are faithful to respond to my cries until it will subside

 

I may have enemies that for my hurt and end have come against

Yet

I know GOD works it all for my good despite how they may undermine

 

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Kept by the Spirit into Your Presence in times of need rush

Adept to be a voice for the orphan, with the poor, to those abused, and voiceless

Rep a change of heart about an unchanging message

Helped to weather the storms and calm what rages

Crept through life’s stages and moon phases

Accept mercy anew each day the sun raises

Slept in green pastures to restore my soul that amazes

Recollect HIS goodness to relate with our praises

Respect the LORD for the times HE carried us where only HIS footsteps traces

Wreck of a past held back to go forward now standing firm on the Rock of Ages

Leapt at chance to share the Truth that to our sin erases

Direct our hearts to share the perfect love that away from all fear encases

Reflect HIS face in this race that grace outpaces

Resurrect life to store up treasure above way beyond measure of souls One embraces

Connect with Your Words inside to taste and see that HE is good on a continual basis

Trekked out of the desert holding HIS Mighty Right Hand led to an oasis

Reconnect by delighting in HIM to be given the desires of your heart rather than what the world chases

Protect soul from unnecessary harm when fix on HIM your eyes gazes

Seek and beseech lost souls left faithless or think it pointless

Meet those with little faith to build up a surplus

Reach out to the weak to strengthen in earnest

Of the enemy, world, or man impervious

Go to the front lines now courageous

Tread the lion and cobra until crushed

Fight the good fight to bring about justice

Shine the Light to scatter wickedness

Live free to freely give a life of service

 

Yet we live on…

until the devil meets his match that GOD our FATHER strikes its end… set aflame, far from us expulsion disbanded -no longer with fiery darts targeting at our hearts aim

our faith he can’t catch; crush his head then fallen into lake of fire send… let tame his evil compulsion stranded -no longer with tiring accusations marketing at our minds blame

Because we live on and on…

set free he can’t snatch; secure in the Savior’s care and the FATHER’s strongest hands tend… debt/shame gone as peace and grace rush in granted -no longer with firing arrows darkening to our souls maim

beyond the grave deep within is Heaven attached; await a future hope prepared above where we fully mend… met mercy anew every morning propulsion open handed -made stronger desiring eternity harkening to our spirits claim

So we will live on and on and on…