Archive for the ‘compassion’ Category

I walk past my dad sleeping on the couch.  He came to get me.  I open the door slowly, quietly.  I close it behind me.  I realize now that it was unwise of me to not get help and go it on my own.  But I didn’t think of getting help until it was too late.  Ask for help if you need it!…

I walk away further than I had been into the darkest night.  I had been walking away for quite some time.  Away from faith and trust in JESUS.  Late nights, barely any sleep.  Trying to get through my university classes and working.  Hadn’t been eating much if not at all for weeks.  Thoughts began turning against me until suicidal.  I realize now I was needing to eat and nourish my body and was part of the reason my mind turned against myself.  Nourish your body so as not to do it damage or cause the wiring in the brain to malfunction/misfire…

As I walked onward, the intensity of the situation became unbearable.  GOD seemed to be warning me and I questioned it wondering if I should turn back.  Then I made the decision to go farther at a quicker pace.  Swarms of mosquitos appear out of nowhere attacking my hypersensitive self to make matters worse and more dreadful than at first.  It was torturous and had never happened to me before nor anytime after.  I think about turning back again.  I continue on instead.  I believe GOD was trying to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen.  I realize now that it wasn’t GOD’s heart for me to do.  GOD doesn’t tempt us to hurt ourselves or to commit suicide and wants us to trust HIM as HE works in and through us to become who HE’s called us to be…

I understand though how someone can get so low as to commit suicide.  I don’t judge, yet I know that GOD’s heart is not for this to be the outcome…

I ended up in a field of abandoned cars.  Ironic that this is how I felt.  Abandoned.  An empty shell of my former self.  Wide open to the elements.  No more human presence.  Not able to go anymore.  Broken spirit like all the engines there.  I sat in one of the doorless vehicles contemplating for hours whether I’d take my life or not.  Then I contemplated what seemed like just minutes or seconds. 2 or 3 times got ready then decided this is it.  It was then as if the enemy of my soul took his heavy pressuring off of me as I attempted.  It was as if he pushed me to that edge.  Then I was left all alone.  So I thought.  I realize now that GOD doesn’t give up on anyone and will help us when we turn back to HIM in trust continuing to live on until HE rebuilds us… Place your trust in GOD to get you through anything by choosing to endure and persevere for there is great reward if you do…

 

I came up for air.  I realize now GOD wouldn’t let me drown, because HE had a plan for my life…  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD has a plan for a hope and a future for you too…

 

Confused.  What did I do?  I was scared.  Cursed.  Accursed?  That is how I felt.  I realize now that GOD has great compassion and enduring mercy.  HE wouldn’t abandon me like the car in the broken empty graveyard.  But I didn’t know it then.  GOD will show you great compassion and enduring mercy to the most difficult things you’ve experienced in your life…  Let HIM help you too…

 

I’m still alive.  Am I though?  I felt so lost, ashamed, and guilt ridden as I walked back.  I realize now GOD would find me, heal me, and forgive me further along the healing journey.   But I didn’t know it then.  At some point GOD will find you, heal you inside, and forgive you too if you ask HIM, seek HIM, and knock for HIM when don’t give up (took time over 19 years to experience healing of various aspects of my mind, heart, soul, and spirit). JESUS is faithful and true and I couldn’t do it on my own without HIM… HE’s brought me this far and I give HIM thanks in all things the good, the bad, and the ugly…

 

As I reached the nearest road, a person pulled over and took me to my apartment with my dad unknowing of one of the darkest moments of my life.  I was so desperate that I didn’t even tell him the seriousness of what I was dealing with.  I realize now that GOD moved on my dad’s heart to come get me traveling over 800 miles after I called my mom and let her know I wasn’t doing good.  If you need to be honest and tell someone you need help too, do it…  It’s ok when you’re feeling so very weak to get support until you’re better… Don’t wait (especially if you’re thinking of suicide and/or not eating…) It’s ok…  Getting help is being human and alive…  If you don’t have anyone, feel free to reach out to me…  Email me at:  jeffandtami@truevine.net

There are emergency numbers to call on this website as well.

To be continued…

KING of kings

Understanding all things

Reign down

Droplets of tears

From YOUR domain

Mixed with the rain

Yet YOU don’t hide to refrain

The pain YOU feel so real

YOU’ll maintain all who turn

To YOU Whom will sustain

With faith, hope, and love to remain

GOD of comfort toward find compassion to gain

Not for us to borrow what’s harrowing then wane

YOU don’t want only our sorrow a fraction to drain

Just the depths of our marrow in action to walk the extra mile unrestrained 

Present for those low in despair until on their feet with traction by HIS love unfeigned

YOU want followers to follow with attraction in the fruit of the Spirit trained 

For souls hollow to be made whole in satisfaction by the Savior who saves attain

Today and for every 

Tomorrow 

HE will fill us up to overflow

Know HIS will and go

Fulfill HIS command to show

Faith, hope, and love to grow

YOUR promises kept more than rainbows

More than we can think, ask, or imagine YOU chose

Beyond the death, burial, and resurrection after YOU arose

To sit at the right hand of the FATHER as our High Priest interceding in our throes

Until YOUR grace, mercy, and compassion is known with freedom above our lows

Giving us a testimony of YOUR faithfulness and victory with seed given as a sower sows 

Seasoned as salt YOU are better to taste and see YOUR goodness in perfect dose

Reflection of Light YOU shine into and through the darkness with our eyes YOUR Spirit glows

New life is given by YOU and YOUR rest provides peace surpassing understanding in repose

We will continue to press on to endure and persevere passing on through deaths shadows

We will learn to wait upon HIM for renewed strength to soar on wings like eagles above our foes

Until we are able to run and not grow weary to walk and not faint when once were solo so low, but now no longer alone or hollow we’ll press on to follow our Hero who helps us through our woes…

Kept pure now embrace

Wept tears down my face

Accept near around to taste

Stepped appears found in faith to trace

Perfect clear skies surround with hope in place

Adept sincere abound in love encase

Swept fears aground in haste

Precept cheers expound HIS grace

Leapt endears HIS renown to chase

Stressed veer off course confound off base

Reset gears rebound to keep up pace

Inept years earthbound not a waste

Accept sphere now Heaven bound displace

Intercept new frontier unbound where sin’s erased

Repped adheres profound HIS mercy each day replace

Windswept austere resound HIS compassion always

Net peers abound with Truth that saves

Interpret what ears hear come down from  HIS voice amaze

Let steer profound by HIS Spirit each day unfazed

Met -we’re compound together to follow in HIS ways

Forge ahead

No longer dead

Walk by faith instead

 

Ignore dread

Now stronger led

Chock full of hope imbed

 

Mentor tread

Go conquer over enemy fled

Flock to HIM in love that’s kindred

 

New life can be gained inside to prosper

Open to be saved in HIS coffer

Rock of Salvation encouraged in Truth to be HIS goffer

 

By grace you become HIS son or daughter

In compassion let HIM write your story as Author

Stock up with mercy being a living sacrifice you offer

 

Ask for greater faith to be given by our FATHER

Seek for greater hope to be given by the Spirit taught astir

Knock for greater love to be given by our Savior who fought for all refilling cups with Living Water

Stranded on an island a lost man

Reprimanded for depression -why banned?

Openhanded to bystanders disband

Empty handed as one meanders then to remand

Withstand the pressure of hurricane force in sinking sand

Unplanned shock in full measure restrained remorse can’t understand

Branded with mental illness desiring only help and support in demand

 

Broken down and fallen apart

Fallen ground and broken heart

Sullen around look to restart

Fullness in HIM will impart

Newness of life again jumpstart

Openness to love won’t depart

Stillness set apart for HIS will a work of art

 

Found what I was looking for

Only in HIM the way to restore

All that was lost and taken before

Given back more and more still implore

Persevere to live on for Whom will reward

Run this race face forward press on toward

Heaven’s gaze trace and erase sins failure in war

Poor in spirit chase embrace from HIM once more

 

A soldier stronger no longer distracted

Beholder of HIS strength await contracted

Bolster in faith, hope, and love to be refracted

Mold occur within by the Potter for HIS use to serve impacted

A shoulder to cry on with mercy and compassion protracted

Exposure of years of pain make me who I am into faith and grace extracted

Closure given about my past with composure for the future with HIM attracted

Disclosure driven in the mission to encourage others to fight on whenever contacted 

 

2 Timothy 2:3-4

Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

What I got

Is more than a lot

SON of GOD my Savior purchased me won with blood took a toll

Grace through faith in HIM saved me come flood my soul

 

When I fought

Lost a war as a prisoner caught

Good Shepherd came to find me in a deep pit

Mercy and compassion reached to lift me up and now will I submit

 

More than ever

Better late than never

KING of kings purchased me forevermore so I will press on leaving what’s behind

Faith, hope, and love I can no longer ignore so in return I respond to others in kind

 

What I live for now

Is far beyond what I can think, ask, or imagine endow

FATHER of Lights shine down as I walk humbly along abiding

All my delights in HIM for desires come true of Heaven each new dawn reminding 

 

When I sought

Found YOUR will inside my heart wrought

The Potter forms this clay confide until I decide chosen behoove from above to follow

Listen and obey one day guide until I’d open to prove HIS love anew unfold

 

More than silver and gold

Is wisdom bought to save souls behold

Redeemer and High Priest fights the battles I couldn’t win alone

Freedom arise released ignites the Fruit of the Spirit to be shown

 

Compassion opens my heart floodgate

Willing to enter yours broken apart relate

A gift given from above show for real equate

To uplift driven by love; know what you conceal frustrate

Await the torrential downpour of a hurricane

Straight to the point I’m here in all that may contain

Initial strong winds that won’t seem to wane

Within the eye of depression’s domain

Into outer bands stronger still won’t constrain

To greet your mental strain

To meet your pain

To accrete your emotion drained

To compete for your attention rather than refrain

To defeat darkness for light regain

To entreat life diverting suicide’s disdain

To treat with understanding listen to maintain

To replete faith, hope, and love to remain

To delete feeling all alone until HIS Presence you attain

GOD of comfort with the comfort received now will sustain

Compassion opens your heart floodgate as a new gift obtain

Fashioned to reopen for others broken apart relate to unchain