Archive for the ‘compassion’ Category

Image result for recommitment

I admit I lost my way

A long time before

I walked away

There was nothing more

A youth to the world did sway

Nothing more to live for

My whole life bent toward decay

Within alone losing a war

Without HIM falling astray

With all of me closing doors

Saying my goodbye that day

No longer a prayer towards

Downward spiral hides sun’s rays

Carried by waves far from shore

Darkness overtakes where demons play

Losing hold of reality to ignore

Thoughts in mind collide into a daze

No longer eating much in store

Thoughts in mind attack into a haze

Depression has reached the core

Mental illness enters a new phase

Suicidal encompasses every pore

No longer can make it out of the maze

A call for help is made too late implore

Dark night of the soul crippling tase

Leave to attempt suicide ending the uproar

A compromised life with past of guilt and shame in fear at did gaze

 

I recommit to find HIS way

Even though worse off than before

I cry out from far away

There in the distance I want HIM more

A youth Heavenward don’t want to sway

Faith, wavering, believe more to live for

My whole life vent for HIM to save from decay

Within alone, only for HIM invite to fight my war

Without others to help, HE seeks this lost sheep astray

With all of me knocking for HIM to open my heart’s door

Reunion to come inside being there for me every day

Weaker, but stronger in prayer towards

Lifting me up from the pit to see again sun’s rays

Walks on water rescuing from drowning leading me to shore

Darkness is Light to HIM and the demons will flee from play

Winning HE holds my reality and doesn’t ignore

Renewing my mind to get out of a daze

Eating meals again to regain strength in store

Fight the good fight thinking on truth to see through the haze

Depression lifting for HE has reached into my core

With mental illness, HE is strong entering into redemptions phase

Desiring to live right anew with grace, mercy, and compassion releasing from every pore

Now stronger HE leads me into the land of the living out of the maze

A call on HIS name saves me and wasn’t too late for HIM when I’d implore

HE is ever ready and willing to enter the dark night of the soul healing from what did tase

Retrieved me after my attempt from suicide ending the uproar

A new life for a hope and a future free of guilt and shame without fear into HIS eyes will gaze

Image result for recommitment

Advertisements

Related image

I know the rise and fall

I know my demise and HIS call

Will I arise to follow with my all or wallow just to stall

Choose to be wise chosen or who I am defeats; hides unopened

 

I know standing at HIS commanding and in the pit landing amiss stranding

I know sinking expanding and faltering blinking for help demanding

Will I live or will I die

Choose to give or stay awry

 

I know to press on in forward humble motion and the stress from backward stumble demotion

I know to address the cause of Christ in devotion and to digress a pause of thrice commotion

Will I be one who will blaze a trail or be one who still strays to only fail

Choose to gaze at HIS eyes entail to prevail or stuck in a haze to then derail

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me rise to answer HIS call submitting to extend for others to do the same

I now know HE’s the only One who hears my cries to answer when I fall uplifting me to mend though I’m to blame

I now know I will follow the only One who saves souls as wise to answer by knitting within eternity for whoever calls on HIS Name

 

I now know HE’s the only One who makes me stand on the Rock of Salvation commanding contrite obey;  guiding 77 x 7 resurrection’s forgiven to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who delivers from the pit with Mighty Right hand; secures chock concentration abandoning fright away; abiding to listen with detections mission closer to HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who is the reason I will live with open hand; give stock elation notwithstanding any plight dismay; igniting faith, hope, and love given anew and unto HIM

 

I now know HE’s the only One who moves me by HIS Spirit firsthand to take stock with HIS rations banding together to fight the good fight each day; inciting justice to lend course corrections driven by truth in love through HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who has a Master’s plan for HIS flock since creation longstanding, despite shame denying detections I even knew HIM

I now know HE’s the only One who makes a way in the desert sand; knock to open hydration streams in the wasteland bring sight always providing reflections into HIM

 

Arise Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again

Image result for jesus lift me up

 

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible–and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”  Ephesians 5:13-14

Image result for arise

Image result for angel

To whom one confides as an angel in disguise

Touched with her words, listened with her eyes

Approached out of nowhere exuding kindness toward

Calmed by her presence as she chose to not ignore

I wasn’t strong rather very weak without question

Weaker than I’d ever been up to then I never did mention

You were one who took the time to talk so open

Soft and gentle words encouraged when spoken

To be heard in uncertainty and confusion

A life giving spirit breaking through the delusion

A small action that was given to bring about future rewarding investment in me

For new life to once again be a possibility

Nothing felt on the outside

Yet touched nevertheless inside

Your face of compassion intent on understanding with love to impart

It must come from the LORD welling up from the depths of your heart

Glad you were there

A few minutes to share

Like a lifetime aware

Release from burdens heavy to bear

You showed you care

Brought a spark to my heart for repair

Brought hope to my soul in despair

Brought light to confront the darkness dare

There to share your gift from the start with such a unique expression arrayed

Etched in my soul and spirit in gratitude receiving quite an everlasting impression made

You were doing your job maybe even going out of your way, an extra mile per se

As shifts would change, I’d wish you were the one who’d stay to continue hearing sweet words you’d say

For it was you who brought rays of light and hope to the day

Uplifting my countenance from a deep pit of depression that you somehow did overlay

Sun shine, birds singing, therapy session, you smiling for me to be brave as you went away

 

Meredith, a God send, approached out of my nowhere by sitting near me and broke through my brokenness.  It was during my 1st hospitalization in a psych unit after my suicide attempt.  She brought me hope that somehow gained entrance into my heart, soul, mind, and spirit.  I was eternally made different because of the compassion she showed me.  One visiting angel appearing for a few moments in time changed the outlook and course of my life toward a positive redirection…  I would not see her again during my stay there.  However, she did reappear where I later got a job working with abused and neglected children.  She was working there as a counselor/social worker I believe.  I don’t know if she remembered me from our brief encounter previously.  She may never realize just how much her gift of compassion meant to me until Heaven…  Never underestimate your power to make a positive difference in others lives by talking to them in their time of need with encouragement and listening ears…

Related image

Depression makes its rare emergence.  No! It isn’t rare at all.  Its a resurgence.  It has only been awhile (a long while when presenting mental illness). It was just off in hiding somewhere in the far reaches of darkness.  I had a good 3 years without it.

I have enjoyed the freedom in the light…  I’ve been walking in the land of the living…  I wasn’t expecting it to be lurking from behind to encounter it once again.  In actuality, it decided to confront me head on within non-threatening circumstances in the presence of others I had not struggled with before and entered quickly into my mind overtaking, next into my heart sinking, and then into my soul threatening.  I thought it had been beaten and overcome once and for all.

Yet here I am facing it, dealing with it, and experiencing it.  This time I am not succumbing to its power or should I say how it can devour strength mentally, emotionally, socially, physically, and spiritually.  This sudden attack was unusually different and less debilitating.

I decided to stay calmer.  I let it happen, but I didn’t give up hope…  I can see the forest through the trees this time.  I was lost in the forest of fears and running into trees it was so dark and devastating before.  I am more aware of it’s feeling of negativity and of heavy weight, but even more aware beyond it and focused on my surroundings…  I am not caving in and I am not withdrawing myself into its cave of darkness. I still have responsibilities to love and care for my family, to work and provide for them, to eat for nourishing my body, and to care for myself in being patient and finding times to rest…

I am aware of HIS light, HIS love, and HIS care for me that I have been able to press on with it, walk onward with it, persevere with it, and endure with it.  Yah, its present, but it doesn’t own me like it once did.  I don’t wear it like an all encompassing shawl blinding my eyes until withdrawing inward self-destructively or as a trench coat in a torrential thunderstorm dragging me down like I once did.  I don’t fester in loathing toward beating myself up like I once did.  It doesn’t overwhelm me toward being suicidal like it once did.

I allow it to teach me where and how I need to grow…  It causes me to stop and evaluate how I am progressing and what needs correcting.  It is making me more humble, working in me maturity, developing within me steadiness, causing me to take it a day at a time, and refocusing me on priorities I want to have at this time in my life…

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t like it.  If GOD wants to use it in me for good however, then so be it.  I will wade through the waters, to get to a desired destination.  I will let it run its course, a river I won’t drown in this time…  I will let it set afire, flames that won’t destroy me this time…  I will be molded as clay into a more useful human being in HIS hands…  I will live on and let go of that which I don’t need to hold onto anymore rising again above any ashes that may remain…  I will walk by faith and not by sight…  I will walk in hope with HIS Light…  I will walk in love with HIS might broken and contrite…

So with this depression’s emergence, what emerges is more faith, hope, and love to carry onward…  So with this depression’s resurgence, what resurges is more grace, mercy, and compassion for those who are struggling as well in their own battles in being tried and tested…  With the emergence and resurgence, there is an urgency to help others in need…  There is always a lifeline I hold out for you…  Keep fighting and overcoming until light overcomes the darkness…  for you to see life again anew…  No fight is ever wasted…  So perseverance and endurance is better tasted… once you’ve made it through it all and survived… armed with experiences to now thrive and to truly “be there” for others who need a steady and faithful hand to walk with them back into the land of the living…

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  Isaiah 43:2

 

Related image

 

How are you?  Really!?…  I pray for you…  I’m here for you!!… Sincerely…

How am I thought of?  I wonder.  How am I seen?  Maybe real and genuine.  Maybe off base and peculiar.  How do I come across?  Maybe human and down to earth.  Maybe human and troubled.  Maybe human with a spiritual connection to GOD and Heaven…  Probably a little of each component that makes up my whole being with much left unexplored and unknown…

My preferred way of communication is poetry.  If you have any familiarity with my site, it is engulfed by poems.  Some are simple and to the point and you understand where I’m coming from.  Some are complicated and confusing and you don’t understand what I’m talking about.

The simple and to the point come from a heightened awareness of GOD, HIS love, and times of peaceful recollection, remembrance, and restoration of HIS work in my life…  A tranquil day in the sun…  The complicated and confusing come from a darkened depression turned to mental illness in processing the lonely, anxiety ridden, and fearfully prolonged moments of a life trying to manage everything after being suicidal and making an actual attempt. A chaotic storm in the middle of the darkest night.

Maybe I need to write more like this; acquainting with you in paragraph form, thought by thought sequence, conversation style, letting you in more so to know some of my soul, to know me as a fellow human living this life to overcome and be a fighter still pressing on no matter what comes my way; facing it head on with courage and strength -even though I’m weak…

I have tried to convey faith, hope, and love in writing on this here blog to inspire, encourage, and support those struggling with depression, mental illness, abuse, and/or suicidal thoughts…  Has it made a difference for anyone?  I don’t really know.  I hope so…  not for my benefit, but for theirs and for yours…

My faith is in JESUS who is my Savior, my Redeemer, my KING of kings and LORD of lords…  My hope is in GOD the FATHER for grace and mercy in times of need…  My love works in and through me by HIS Spirit…  My faith is that you find faith in HIM too…  My hope is that you will hope in HIM too…  My love for and from HIM is for you to find HIS love too…  Faith, hope, and love remain…  And most prominently love is greater than all… And most assuredly love never fails…  HIS lovingkindness endures forever…  HIS mercy endures forever…

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  Luke 6:45

Why do I talk so much about JESUS and spiritual things?  After what HE’s miraculously done with my fallen and broken life, how can I not speak of HIM who overflows my heart and sustains my life…  My life has been radically changed by GOD’s love for me and has made an eternally positive difference all because of JESUS…  So I include HIM in all that I say in some way… Maybe there are those who are turned off by this.  I don’t know.  Maybe there are those who haven’t experienced HIS love and care as of now up to this point, thus being foreign to them and unknown. Maybe there are those who feel let down or abandoned by GOD and blame HIM for all that is wrong in their life.  Maybe there are those who just don’t know what to think or feel about all this.  Is GOD real?  If HE is, will HE help me?  Will HE be there for me?  Will HE see me through the darkness and hard things in this life?  Will HE not abandon me to myself and all that is within that consumes and drowns me?

All of the answers to these questions are “yes” in HIS timing and way…  Now will you only trust HIM and believe… If you do, your life will change and you will find new strength and purpose for a future and a hope… If you do, then you open yourself up to HIS help, to HIS forgiveness, to HIS love, and to HIS comfort and care…  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us… Ephesians 3:20

GOD wants you to come to HIM, to know HIM, to make HIM known, and to love you and through you show love to others;  saved and found by JESUS… “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.  As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’  Acts 17:24-28

These truths you can believe, trust, and build your very life upon… Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Timothy  1: 15-17

Are you ready to begin a new journey into freedom by HIS grace and mercy at work in your life?  HE will be redeeming your past, restoring your present, and replenishing you onward into the future and a hope HE has prepared since the beginning before you were even conceived in your mother’s womb and born to face the challenges and brokenness of life moving forward with faith to believe and trust, with hope as an anchor for your soul, and with love HE pours into you by HIS Spirit to now and forever love HIM and love others too…  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22: 37-39

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Have you ever wanted someone to be your friend always and forever?  To be there in the most dark and difficult times?  To be there going through what you’re going through? To never have to be alone?  To bring you to a safe and secure place providing for all your needs?  JESUS meets that need and desire…  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” —Hebrews 13:5

 

How are you?  Really!?  I pray for you…  I am here for you!!…  Sincerely…

Jeff Watts

Image result for Isaiah 30:18

 

Salvation believed

Inspiration received

Adoration achieved

Emancipation relieved

Captivation conceived

 

I may be quiet

Yet 

My mind is thinking of You and all that is Thine

 

I may be silent

Yet

My heart is beating for and with You together to dine

 

I may be resting

Yet

My body is needing Your touch so kind

 

I may be calm

Yet

My soul is yearning for You to restore all that is mine

 

I may be tranquil

Yet

My spirit is awaiting for You to refill within that I may shine

 

I may be of few words

Yet

I can’t thank You enough from deep inside

 

I may be very tired

Yet

I come to You for You within to reside

 

I may not be meditating on Your words often

Yet 

I want to hide them in my heart to always abide

 

I may be depressed

Yet

I continue on in faith, hope, and love so above it again will I rise

 

I may not have that look of joy

Yet

I have Your peace surpassing all understanding guarding my heart and mind

 

I may rarely laugh

Yet

I am serious with prayer and fighting for our family and others each night

 

I may not see You with my eyes

Yet

I believe by faith to please You with hope to no longer deny and love even when life goes awry

 

I may have questions

Yet

I trust You even if I never get answers to why

 

I may still have anxiety and fear at times

Yet

I will walk humbly, seek justice, and love mercy laying down pride

 

I may still await dreams to come true

Yet 

I will let the outcomes that from Your hands in Your plans will decide

 

I may wander some though wiser

Yet

I will learn to walk with You beside

 

I may not like Your discipline in my life

Yet

I discern You love me and I must die to self as You lead and guide

 

I may be weak

Yet

You are my strength and in You I find a Refuge in which to hide

 

I may think too much of past failure

Yet

I will do my best to forget what is behind, press on to run so as to win the prize, continue to fight the good fight with grace and mercy supplied

 

I may not be where I need to be at midlife

Yet

I will learn to do right with Your Word in me applied

 

I may not always be pleasing in Your sight

Yet

I have come so far by Your power and love at work in me comprised

 

I may not have many friends

Yet

I know in You I can always come to confide

 

I may not have overcome to be more than a conqueror

Yet

I will fix my eyes on You until I have arrived in Your arms open wide

 

I may not be mature

Yet

I trust You that I will come forth as gold tried and purified

 

I may not be ready to take on more with ministry

Yet 

I wait on You to work within me continually until qualified

 

I may have stumbled more numerous than I’d like to admit

Yet

I have always turned back to You, called on Your name, and on You alone relied

 

I may have come close to a tragic end

Yet

I have known Your miracle and healing ways that have surprised

 

I may have to go through another episode I really don’t want to face

Yet

I have come to know You are faithful to respond to my cries until it will subside

 

I may have enemies that for my hurt and end have come against

Yet

I know GOD works it all for my good despite how they may undermine

 

Image result for mercy of God

How can

An answer to YOUR call

Turn to pride before a fall

As confidence in YOU

Turns to breaking me in two

With strength and no fear

Turns to fear again so near

Full of the Spirit in sweet release

Turns to anxieties that increase

YOUR armor all around as a protective hedge

Turns to my life teetering on the edge

By faith moving forward

Turns to relapse stepping backward

In YOUR perfect love secure

Turns to depression stuck and insecure

 

How can

I return to answer YOUR call

Turn and submit to purposely fall

Face down yielding my life to YOU anew

Turn in brokenness to YOU be true

My strength (not my own) rests in YOU to bring breakthrough beyond the fear

Turn to acknowledge (not anything I’ve done) that YOU have brought me this far as I draw near

Refreshed in the Spirit freed from fear; returns (the surpassing all understanding) peace

Turn to give you thanks (Your compassion is beyond understanding) for a renewed life’s lease

Continue to put on YOUR armor as a protective privilege

Turn to surrender all my life to honor, glorify, and praise YOU my pledge

By faith in humility and understanding move forward

Turn to remember HIS grace in my walk and to love HIS mercy when feeling backward

In YOUR perfect love again secure

Turn to YOU daily, deny myself, and carry my cross to be pure

Image result for mercy of God