Archive for the ‘abuse’ Category

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Sing the blues

Nudged analyzing

Beating heart not alone; relating deeply froze within more quickly stocked of proof

Repeating parts unknown; fading steeply closed the open door strictly locked aloof

 

Out of the blue

Flood rising

Heaving beneath me uprising -dares something that would despair as if from a warmonger; unaware as it towered over mocked in bout of how to move

Leaving me grieved -fretting there’s nothing that good to share any longer; stare as a coward in shock without a clue

 

Feeling blue

Blood comprising

Blinking moments nothing new

Shrinking monotony mental agony grew

 

Black and blue

Stunned compromising

Weakening in the fight forlorn; yearn for my Friend an empty feeling to deploy with hint of doom

Deepening apart from the Light cornered by the enemy stealing all joy left in my room

 

Got the blues

Mud despising

Fleeting luck in this life seemingly blew above my head into outer space bound with death sentence flew

Seething amok with strife reeling; need to shove aside dread, sin, doubt -turn pace around meant with repentance reprove

 

Beyond the blue horizon remove

Trudged agonizing

Thinking and motion why tarries/ my very end later nears adieu

Deceiving and broken lies scare/ ties snare me again; greater fears loom

 

Deeper than the deep blue sea subdued

Thud immobilizing

Breathing at bay with drawl confused

Sinking away from all of you

 

Turning blue

Grudge surmising

Clinging to forever promises in lieu of madness now found to never ever be overdue

Interceding, HIS endeavor promises to approve of sadness abound/ astound together whatever needs over drew

 

Look to the skies in open blue

Overcome arising

Seeking height of mercy seat from whom my help (aligning when show contrite I now move upright) comes to  soon

See KING aright as High Priest from whom my hope (shining defense so bright I bow through the night) comes at noon

 

Once in a blue moon

Budge realizing the ONE recognizing

Freeing mercy cover over past bring; now unglued and from all that had me unglued

Relieving thirsty love astir everlasting; endow into and from HIS call that I gladly exude

 

True blue

Drudge galvanizing

Unshrinking back with face forward instead; set above like flint to live life sent anew

Leading attack with grace soar Heavenward indebted to love true ignite stint to give light into

 

Until blue in the face behoove

Dud demoralizing, won some advising, scud revising, undone advertising, run exercising, lungs emphasizing, SON energizing

Linking faith/ Truth to chase for breakthrough

Linking wraith testimony to race for souls accrue

 

Ocean blue

Adjudge enterprising

Reaching out to touch your shore to be restored

Teaching Fount you clutch toward to be adored

 

Roses are red, violets are blue

Bud devising

Bringing to all faith, hope, and love into view

Seeing with vision imbue

Believing the purpose to do

Receiving compassion construe

Conceiving beyond what to think, ask, or imagine until overflowing with the mission of love driven pursue…

 

Blue is my favorite color ever since a child I’d choose

Young mesmerizing

Meeting I still knew of depression fight an oppression weighed heavily from among arrows burn can discern the enemy who accused -me and plenty others share; pleading from earth’s venue

Greeting I will do in Heaven quite an impression made steadily of unsung heroes who were in turn mending as abused -free from any tethers wear; needing rebirth’s rescue

 

Blue is for the hope I see in you…

Blue is for the life HE gives anew…

Blue is for the new in you HE will do…

Blue is for breakthrough and all that is true…

 

Image result for blue waterfalls

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When you’re ready, you will trust in GOD again… you have that choice, you own that decision only you can make, you have the will to empower trust in HIM whenever you want to practice it…

Trust is a heart and soul thing that grows after you set your mind to begin the endeavor again… You can learn to trust in HIM with moments (like your move to a new place) and choose to trust HIM for healing (like your lifelong journey through trauma/abuse to triumph/astounding) whenever you want… When you fall back to not trusting, from that low point and helpless perspective; you can once again look up in trust to your Heavenly FATHER who gives good gifts and wants to love and care for you… You may choose to trust in moments or a daily decision through prayer (prayer is turning to HIM in trust) and pouring out your heart (through talking to HIM out loud, quietly inside, or writing it out)…

You’re loved and cared for not matter what… You’ll get to know/relearn HIS love and care as you decide to trust when you choose to… I am proud of you when you choose to reach out to those weak in need of love and care… In your weakness, JESUS is strong… Being there for them in being who you are matters and is doing good despite what you may feel or think about yourself… You are showing faith in action; doing GOD’s will in doing HIS Word:

Psalm 41
1 Blessed are those who have regard for the weak;
the Lord delivers them in times of trouble.
2 The Lord protects and preserves them—
they are counted among the blessed in the land—
he does not give them over to the desire of their foes.
3 The Lord sustains them on their sickbed
and restores them from their bed of illness.

verse 1 “regard for the weak”; for me the orphans, for you may be anyone weak you reach out to (orphans, special needs children/adults, homeless, abused and neglected souls, widows/widowers, or elderly)

Focus on these Words above and let it become one of your life verses/life mantra…

These verses helped me hang on, believe and trust, and reach out and one day HE answered these promises in my own life… These awesome Words came true through HIM and through me, for me, and in me… I still cannot fathom the turn-around in my life because of JESUS the Living and active Word bringing this about and GOD the FATHER’s mercy and compassion for me…

Look carefully and choose to believe and trust for these to be your benefits as well:

1) delivers them in times of trouble
2) protects and preserves them / does not give them over to the desire of their foes (who want to steal, kill, or destroy; suicide)
3) restores them from their bed of illness (physically or emotionally or mentally or socially or spiritually; for me all 5)

If HE did it for me; I know HE will do it for you… Why? because HE is true to HIS Word and desires to be faithful in a person’s life
When? in HIS timing; so difficult to wait I know (took years for me) maybe for you quicker than my experience
How? in small and grand ways along the journey; sometimes miraculously
Who? you (for you do have regard for the weak)
Where? inside you

I know I went through what I went through to be a help/support to others weaker… This is ultimately the outcome from what I didn’t think was fair, what I didn’t understand, why I was abandoned, why I was often alone in my trauma and not knowing why GOD wasn’t there bringing me through like I knew HE could; why it wasn’t right a way – yet waited for me to learn mercy and compassion at the core of who I am now… HE took me through the depths of darkness to reach out to anybody now with profound faith, hope, and love… with confidence in HIM and who HE is and what I now know HE can/will do…

Much of my trauma was self-inflicted (so full of guilt and shame) from turning away from GOD in rebellious youthful sin and desires being as lost as one can be. Yet I turned to HIM and HE still answered me… me? why me? why HE didn’t abandon me further? why did HE not leave me in my sin? HIS love is greater than anyone can know or fathom… Now I live to show HIS love I know and continue to attempt to fathom… If I didn’t learn through painful depths to know HIS love, mercy, and compassion; then how would I know HIM as HE is and learn that I could reach those who may be in need… HE will choose and use the weak and unlearned to profound the strong and wise… There is so much darkness and cruelty in this world. HE takes some of us through trauma and darkness so we can be a light that shines in it as HE rescues precious children, men, and women that need HIM… sometimes to reveal what HIS love is through us… We choose to pray for and be there present and intercede for them because we know… we understand… we will stand for them… we will choose to love… we will choose purity… we will love purely… Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see GOD (Matthew 5:8)…

You’re not a failure… You’re more than a conqueror through HIM who gives you strength… When you are weak come to HIM for rest… When you can’t do it anymore, wait on HIM for renewed strength… HE is faithful to HIS Word even when we are not…

Oh and let’s look at Psalm 41 vs. 4

I said, “Have mercy on me, Lord;
heal me, for I have sinned against you.”

What if we have sinned in some way!! Well I asked the LORD for mercy and to heal me of course… And so, HE healed me… me… and you?… you too!!!…

Ok! So you just got the wave from HIS ocean that was building within me to reach the shore of those needing mercy that will also be a blog post for my website that I have been wanting to write on Psalm 41 for a long, long while… I wrote this for you for sure; yet it is also for anyone else needing encouragement as well…

Feelings can only pick you up so much

Feelings that belittle can bring you down

Feelings come and go like coughs and hiccups

Feelings run amok or ebb and flow with undercurrent to drown

Feelings may overthrow until all you are is stuck

Feelings you only know will linger near or far to smile or to frown

Feelings will too soon betray, empty, and never fill your cup

Feelings will fight deep within leaving you wounded on the battleground

 

How will you show resistance to the enemy bent on killing and stealing

How will you get your deep need within for healing

How will you find an ever present help and a strong refuge never leaving from all that harms concealing

How will you be lifted from the pit of darkness that will grip you back into Light revealing

How will you grow in trust without ever kneeling

How will you go on in hope when your whole being is reeling

How will you overflow in faith to cope without the Holy Spirit sealing

How will you sow in love as 3 chord strand of rope appealing

 

JESUS is the only One who upon this Rock will pick you up

JESUS will lift your countenance bringing Heaven down

JESUS is a constant Refuge who never leaves nor forsakes when in a rut

JESUS runs to catch you amongst the waves so as not to fully drown

JESUS lifts you up from the mud and mire or deep pit with HIS mighty righteous right hand no longer to be stuck

JESUS knows you better than yourself so delight in HIM that joy may abound

JESUS, when you continually come to HIM, will eventually refill your cups

JESUS will give you HIS residing peace healing your wounds to run again in the race until in HIS arms you’re found

 

 

You need a Savior

Favor of mercy and forgiveness

dizziness of the world

swirled around spinning too fast

cast your cares and anxieties upon HIM

dim are the fame lights sought compared to the Light of Life

strife fought in your heart, soul, and mind

entwined and caught up in what hurts:  alcohol, drugs, lust, depression, abuse, suicidal ideation, mental illness

stillness is wrought, call on HIM, JESUS Christ, the Name above every name

same yesterday, today, and forever -a Love to take away your pain

slain on the cross taking your sin and shame by HIS blood outpoured removing every stain

blame you feel even from what others did or do, in childhood when first ensued -now pursue

New life, new start, new day awaits that HE recreates

Fates no longer left to chance for HE promises a hope and future

Nurture to restore your soul, renew your mind, revive your heart, replenish your spirit

lit within with the Light of Love that never ends and never severs

Forevers a step away even if stumbling and a word aptly spoken brings hope even if broken

awoken from a nightmare who will keep you from falling headlong and not turn you away to shun

run into HIS open arms who protects and heals from all that harms you inside

Inside set free and if the SON sets you free you’ll be free indeed

Deed of who you are written in the Book of Life and in HIS scarred palm

Calm of your storm when you call on HIS Name and believe in your heart GOD raised HIM from the dead

Led to the Savior to taste and see HIS goodness delighting in HIM will soon receive the desires of your heart

Impart what you’ve always wanted, more is needed, to fulfill the deep calls to deep, the deeper for the Keeper of your soul, the deepest for knowing whose the Key to the best kept secret

Let ME in as I AM knocks on your heart’s door

Yours to own love found in HIM; all that is yours is HIS and all that’s HIS is yours

Adore HIM who becomes your everything All in all

 

How do I start to express what is in my heart?  The gravity of certain situations pull on my soul that compels me to plead with God to bring HIS healing touch and to show up in a way they will know they are loved and can find hope, faith, and the love they need to continue to live, to fight, and to expect better for their future.  It’s their right to survive and go beyond to thrive…  Stay alive!  why? because I said so and more than that to know JESUS who will show you greater love…  Stay alive!!  why?  because I know there is a hope and future waiting…  Stay alive!!!…  God loves you, is there present with you even when you don’t see or feel HIM, will help you overcome and fight your battles for you, will never leave nor forsake you, prove you’re not alone, and bring you out of dark into Light…

 

 

How do I express I love you to all that I reach out to?  I say “I love you” and mean it which resides deep within from HIS love for me and how HE’s helped me through the darkness that I want you so desperately to know for yourself.  In my heart and mind, they are not weak words, but a great compassion that I’ve been given to which I don’t want to hold back, hide away, nor pretend isn’t there.  I love-love those who have been abused for this love grew within me when God granted me the experiences to work and serve with children and youth in an emergency shelter for over 2 years who were sexually abused, the worse kind of abuse a child can go through.  I lived with them in the home for 4 days of each week helping them through their episodes, their fears at night, their nightmares, and their trust issues.  I was there to greet them in the morning, make them meals, take them to school, help them with homework, take them to special outings, encourage and support them.  This was life changing for me to learn how to love these precious children.  Any of you who have been abused, I have a special love for you and always will…  I have a special love and bond with those I served with who taught me how to love and care in a deeper way, have faith to believe in God to heal, take away nightmares, and bring hope into their hearts and souls and make a way for a brighter future.  At that time, I was learning to be a father figure to those who were not biologically mine.  I have that willingness to adopt anyone needing a loving father to love, care, support, and encourage them in their life who may not have those things evidenced or experiencing now in their life.  Do you need a loving dad?  I will be that for you.  Why?  God has given me a heart for orphans and those abused for this is HIS heart He’s shared with me and put in me to have.  God has given me a heart for those who have mental illness and depression for I too have experienced these struggles and setbacks along the way.  I love you…  God loves you…  I believe the greater your hurt and pain, the greater your compassion to help others will be…  I believe the greater abuse you have experienced, the greater capacity you have to depend on, trust in, and love God more than others ever will…  I believe that you have a hope and a future HE will show you, lead you in, and give to you…

I’m holding on to you… through prayer, through faith, through belief, through the typing of words I hope you know are true…  Will you hold on too!!…  God HIMSELF is holding on to you with HIS mighty right hand lifting you up out of the pit from being stuck and will place you on the Rock of Salvation to stand firm in faith, in belief, in hope, in undying love…  Reach for HIS hand who is trustworthy and faithful to keep you, love you, accept you, heal you, rescue you, and redeem you…  HE will answer you if you ask for help continually…  HE will find you if you seek HIM for HIS help crying out continually…  HE will answer you if you keep knocking on the door and open your heart to HIM continually…  Don’t stop, Don’t give up, Don’t end your precious life…

Change your perspective to that of being or for the first time becoming HIS daughter or son and begin to:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Let your life find the freedom you are yearning for and desire to have by continuing to live on…  There is great reward on the other side of the pain, hurt, sadness, illness;…

I am not ashamed to say “I love you” to those in need of it the most…  You are who I am called and chosen to love…

When you feel yourself so far away, call out to HIM…

 

 

If you need help, get help.  You can also call me if you want and I’ll be there for you and listen.  806-781-0810

If you feel lost, afraid, broken, unable to fight, HE is there for you to hold you and carry you…

 

 

Always praying…  Always believing…  Always waiting…  Always protecting…  Always trusting… Always hoping… Always persevering… Always loving… for you…  even when you feel you can’t…

Try again with JESUS by your side forevermore…

 

Sound

Posted: September 4, 2017 in abuse, depression, Hope, Poems, Prayer, stars, tears
Tags: , , , , , ,

Whispers atop the waters won’t stop coming to my ears

Carried across waves surging urging prayer, toss into strumming my heart to hear

Cries riding the four winds out of hiding are deafening, not lessening

Whys collides with Your promises and realities confide to intercede with their pleas for Your help and hope to receive through what’s pressing

Shouts echo nights skies of my fellow brothers and sisters bellows deep within to high above to me below

Stars silence twinkling sounds their tears revealing darknesses abuses that surround life alive dwindling, remembering those imprisoned, uplift to FATHER GOD for love’s rekindling to know and grow freed when let go from those evil who harm HE will overthrow